Help decide between two Drafts

Help decide between two Drafts

LastSatellite 07 Aug 2010 05:55

Hi all.

After having my first SCP be received so well, I have gotten the urge to work on more of my many ideas, located in my sandbox.

This time, I believe I have worked on two drafts to the point where I can share them with others. First is the Heart-shaped Locket, which is the more outright creepy of the two, but I have had difficulty in writing the interview logs.

Then, there's the Timelocked Sphere, under the locket draft. I wanted to get some input on this one, as I can't see many areas to improve.

Which of these two do you think is the better one? Any comments or criticisms are welcome.

Re: Help decide between two Drafts

MalcolmMacLean 10 Aug 2010 03:00

The locket is an interesting idea, although I can't say for sure how other members of this wiki will respond to it. It needs some proofreading, particularly in the interview sections: neither the young girl nor the adult man keep a consistent tone when they're speaking. If their mannerisms change from sentence to sentence, suspension of disbelief drops fast. Also, I'm not sure I like how you've dealt with someone who is exactly 15 years old; if it's purely a matter of mental age, I should think that it would be quite a challenge to find anyone who is exactly 15 years old mentally without the slightest deviation. Another matter of concern is your use of [DATA REDACTED]; that expression should always be in capital letters, and I don't know why you used it to cover up what, other than humans, can wear the locket. On top of that, I would suggest not using IQ as a measure of mental development: the WAIS might be more appropriate.

Is 1222 a placeholder number? We're not supposed to make any real SCPs with quadruple-digit numbers until the first thousand have been filled up.

Re: Help decide between two Drafts

LastSatellite 11 Aug 2010 05:23

Thank you.

Yes, the number is just a placeholder. When I write the articles, I have the concern in my mind that they won't get made into full articles until the 1000+ entries begin.

I'm not very good at writing dialogue, but I'll try to rewrite the interviews. And I'll look into the WAIS.