I almost upvoted it until I saw the mention of Abrahamic faith. It's a good article but I feel that tie is unnecessary.
SCP-891 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-891.
Do you think it feels shoehorned in, or that it's just excessive?
Agreed, but I still like the bit with the organs.
I can't help but wonder what would happen if SCP-073 was brought in…
Apple seeds can only really be dispersed in the feces of animals that have recently eaten apples. It takes a fairly large animal to consume an apple that thoroughly — something at least the size of a dog. If the Foundation is sufficiently vigilant, natural deposition of apple seeds could be stopped entirely. Since it'd be that (relatively) easy, why isn't it included in the containment procedures?
What really happened: Dr. King finally snapped and threw all the apple seeds he'd collected into 891.
"Dr. King has been declared [REDACTED] of the apple kingdom. All hail Dr. King"
The expungement here feels gratuitous. I mean, starting at the bit with the apples it just gets crazy.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
(account deleted)This. Very much this. Not only do all the expungements and blackouts severely break the flow of the text - almost to the point where it kind of feels like you're reading completely unrelated sentence fragments - but it also ruins the potentially scary implications of the ideas behind them. I mean, yes, I get the choice of fruit, but mentioning third-degree burns and a reverse something-or-other and vague implications of an entity of some sort happening or something…All the expungement there takes it from "Oh god, what could it be?" to just "WTF?" There is potential for a brilliant idea there, but it's too broken up by expungements to really work. As for the blackouts and such during the description of recovery and incident…Meh, it's still pretty heavy-handed, but I kind of get enough of an impression about everything for those parts to work for me.
If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion: Maybe turn the thing-that-might-be-classified-as-a-separate-SCP-that-happens-when-someone-eats-an-apple into SCP-891-1 and write a full-fledged paragraph (or mostly full-fledged paragraph) describing what it is, what it does, and so on. The fact that apple tree saplings seem to spontaneously appear in the field sometimes also suggests that the thing-that-might-be-an-SCP is a very integral part of SCP-891, further justifying turning it into SCP-891-1. I realize that would require a pretty extensive rewrite, and I have nowhere near the skill or authorization needed to do anything about that, but maybe if someone wanted to and the author gave permission…? I really do feel like this could be a great SCP, and I'm really sad that it's sort of ruined by what pretty much amounts to a cop-out (as far as I can tell). :(
All that said, the beginning concept - fruit what makes you eat yourself - is a very good start, and I already like it enough to upvote; I just think that, with some work, it could be a lot better.
I don't know whether I've just been reading a lot of these things, but this one almost feels like a parody.
From the "it's a totally normal object, a really nice example of it's kind even EXCEPT IT KILLS YOU DEAD AND YOU CAN'T EVEN STOP IT NUH-UH" to "[REDACTED] causing oodles of casualties, the loss of site-69 and a paaartridge in a pear treeee", it just screams of trying too hard.
Honestly, I'm not even sure what could be done to change this, as the core concepts are what I feel is at fault. Maybe if the effects were something a bit less adolescent and gratuitous.
So what happens if you swallow a fruit whole? Do you slowly get digested from the inside out?
This is the polar opposite of SCP-1952, in context of the article and quality (yours is much better)
No Vote. I agree with others that this has a lot of potential, but the retractions are killing it. To me, it currently feels like a good SCP with 70% of the good material retracted. I can't tell if the author actually has golden material hidden under the retractions, or if they have figured out exactly how to convince me it is hiding under there…
WARNING: COGNITOHAZARD IN USE! MAY CONVINCE READER THAT UNREAD MATERIAL IS OF HIGH QUALITY!
Honestly, I'd make the names that are redacted four letters because yes, King.
After reading, rereading, and counting blackboxes, I am sad that it isn't King. That would've made it a no vote instead of a down vote. I can sorta forgive massive expungement overkill if it's because of an old joke that amuses me, but nope, apple weirdness and no Dr. King.
Well, if you headcanon this tale, this could still be related in some way…
Deity seeks worthy heir to apple throne. Prior management experience a plus. Applicants accepted at field located in █████, California. Choose wisely.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
