Analysis Needed
EDIT: Wow. Thanks for all the help, this has been great.
Now I've just got some more ideas floating around:
Analysis Needed
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» Analysis Needed
Summary:
My first SCP prototype is up, I need suggestions.
Hum, if I may…
I liked the idea, and the picture is excellent (I particulary like the way her red eye glows through the hair). It is pretty well written too, altough I didn't understand some bits (if she is just to be fed water with nutrients in it, what do you mean that the ingredients used to make food for her must be "pure"?).
I agree with Malcom on the fact that there is too much [DATA EXPUNGED]. While I love [DATA EXPUNGED] as much as everyone else, it seems excessive in this case. Removing some of it and explaining more of her functions would improve the article, in my opinion.
All in all, I like it, and would upvote the article…
Mmmm… It's well-written, but this is ground that's been partly covered before. Then again, now that 808 is gone, there's room for a new
"Girl that interacts with machines" character.
My advice is to flesh it out more. Right now, there's a lot of information that's expunged, and while that's not necessarily a bad thing, the actual interesting details of what this SCP is and how it works are undefined. Maybe you should define them, and describe how she can interact with other computers, both of normal and SCP types.
Mmmm… It's well-written, but this is ground that's been partly covered before. Then again, now that 808 is gone, there's room for a new
"Girl that interacts with machines" character.
This entire line of thinking is terrible and you should feel bad.
Snarky, are we? What's wrong with my reasoning? As I see it, the main hindrance to Sylocat's idea is that there are other cyborg-ish characters on the list already. Even though there aren't any exactly like this one, I figure there must be a point at which someone can look at the SCP Series list and say "That's it, we've got too many machine-people as it is." However, as it happens, since 808 was taken off the list there is (at least) one less cyberpunk entity in the Foundation-verse. While I admit that we don't NEED any cyberpunk critters at all on this wiki at all if no one wants them, I think it's fair to say at this point that there's room for one more without breaking the limit. If the article is good unto itself, then why not?
A certain level of snark is to be expected from yoric at all times. Please keep your anti-snark equipment with you at all times to prevent irritation to the mucous membranes, as well as to the psyche.
This idea doesn't seem at all like SCP-808, who was frankly a girl with magical powers. Also, given that this proposed little girl's existence would say absolutely nothing at all about the social impacts of technological progress or really anything at all about society, I'd say calling her "cyberpunk" is a bit of a stretch.
(Also, FireWire? Really?)
….I concede that I have been owned.
This was well written, and I do think we have a niche for another "machine girl". This really has a potential for some great psychological interview logs (which I love). I can see a lot of character growth in this story.
I REALLY like this one. If you like, would you mind if I did an editing job on this?
I took the liberty of appending an edited version to the end of your sandbox. Some comments.
1. Don't use "Data Expunged" as a replacement for, "I don't know what the technical term is."
2. The MO of the guy in question seems less like MC&D and more like some random psycho or member of a different organization.
3. Added a few small bits and pieces for fun.
I really liked the edit. Removing her ability to talk was a good idea; really seems like something a mad doctor would do just to reduce the blabber from his victims.
I'd just like to know, what exact part of her brain stem was damaged? All of it? Because if her spinothalamic tract is damaged, she would (at least partially) lose the ability to feel pain and temperature in certain areas of her body (which seems like something that could be worth mentioning… I think…)
1. Agreed. Is it possible, though, to avoid that pitfall while keeping the implication that the precise nature of the technology used is classified? I like (well, for some values of "like"!) emphasizing the idea that not only has this mad scientist repurposed and horribly disfigured a little girl, he's done so in ways too weird for even most Foundation personnel to know about. Exactly what the implants do to/for the girl, we can keep; but a little well-placed expungement could imply that the implants themselves are truly bizarre.
Wow. I was definitely not expecting this level of assistance. Thank you all, this has been great. :D
You're welcome (wish I could get feedback like this… *grumble*). I really like what I see in the test log, but it did raise a question for me: what happens as as the girl grows up? As her skull expands and all of her limbs get longer, what's going to happen to all this embedded machinery? Now THERE'S a nightmare waiting to happen…
With all of the changes done, it wouldn't surprise me if her growth was severely retarded (That is to say, stalled, halted, or at least made much, much slower). All this couldn't have been done to her in only a short time, and small children grow quick. If she's around nine here, she'd've grown a good six inches in the last year if she was going to.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
