SCP-2841 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2841.

SunnyClockwork 13 Jun 2017 14:34

Great thanks to Orionbasher, Lex1nat0r, riyangendut, Icepick, madjest, Tufto, ihpkm, nocletus, noxfero, Zhange, AdrienLane, MrHat, Cimmerian, MrWrong, minmin, djkaktus, Flawed, RecursiveRecursion, Tuomey, TetrarteT, Ellied, Roget, EldritchCadence, Athenodora, MaliceAforethought, ghostchibi, nulljellyfish, clone, FoldingPapers and all those who read and/or helped with the draft :3

+ Chinese lore

The skip is mainly based on the story of King Zhou of Shang, or more specially, his story from the book Fengshen Yanyi(The Investiture of the Gods).

Essentially，King Zhou majorly pissed off Nüwa by trying to flirt with her. Nüwa saw that she couldn't just end him as his dynasty still has a few years to last. So she decided to send a fox lady (along with her two friends who are less famous) to his side to ruin his life. King Zhou gradually turned into a tyrant, spending time with his fox wife, and built himself a pool of wine, a forest of meat, grand towers and palaces, as well as snake pits to punish those who oppose him.

After his dynasty come to an end, he burnt himself on one of his high towers.

+ Spoilers

Not really necessary for the story but will provide more context.

As Nüwa is the flesh god in my Xia series, I find it fitting to replace Nüwa's role with the snake people, remnants of Xia.

This skip can be seen as a follow-up to SCP-2481, as the Xia folks sought revenge after Shang people (golden crow worshippers) not only caused their dynasty to collapse, but also erased from history. They eventually managed to organize themselves and salvage enough past artifacts and decided to overthrow Shang and make them suffer.

They send the fox to ruin King Zhou's life, and convinced him to build all the luxurious thing which costed the Shang people greatly. They not only profited from it but also encouraged the rebllion from the later Zhou Dynasty.

In the end, King Zhou was over thrown, and he burnt himself on that high tower. The tomb was premade, as is custom for kings, but all the jewels that should be in it are taken by either the snake people or the Zhou Dynasty army.

But even that was not enough of a fitting punishment, so the snake people chained the king's body to the casket and created the anomaly so that the king is to reenact his death in that extradimensional location forever. The fox was also there either because she was merely a tool or that she was essential for the anomaly to be created.

(This was not really included into a skip but the idea is that, none of the agents are hurt and that scene only happens after they get to the top is because that this is essentially a show. The king would die again and again and everytime someone come in, this would be shown in front of them as snake people's way to show their victory and mock at the Shang king.)

The Taisui connection is that, it is already a prison, or a doorway to the prison of something dreadful, so it is fitting to put the king up there. The large thing on the horizon is something that's already there but since it's designed as a prison, parts are not necessarily connected.

Last edited on 15 Jun 2017 10:53 by SunnyClockwork Show more

Genshed 13 Jun 2017 21:11

Really enjoyed this, even more after reading the spoilers. I studied ancient Chinese history at university, so some of this was relatively familiar; using it as a springboard for anomalous reenactment of grisly death in a pocket dimension was a wonderful surprise.

SunnyClockwork 14 Jun 2017 03:01

Awwww thanks, glad you like it! Altho it's more legend stuff than actual history tho :P

Jacob Conwell 14 Jun 2017 06:56

Neat.

As with all your Xia skips, Sunny, the imagery in your description is fantastic, and really makes your mythology come to life. As a sequel to SCP-2481 you really do a good job building off what has already been explained in the Xia series to accomplish some great world building.

+1.

SunnyClockwork 14 Jun 2017 14:50

Really glad that you like imagery Conwell! And here I thought my strong suit was slapping Chinese words into articles :P

Also glad that this comes off as good world building.

Fingo7 14 Jun 2017 11:05

I loved this as a draft and I love it now. ;3
+1

mlister 14 Jun 2017 16:05

Usually I'm engaged by your writing, but I can't say that's the case here. The object is confusingly described, the tone feels stilted, and the dialogue feels unnatural. While your other SCPs are pretty good on providing interesting interpretations on Chinese mythology while mixing them with the Foundation mythos, this one seems almost incomplete in comparison. The connections to your other works feel tenuous, you don't do much to expand on the mythology, and the links to Sarkicism feel like lip service more than anything else. I love your Xia series, but I can't say that this is your best work.

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SunnyClockwork 14 Jun 2017 16:23

Thanks for the feedback :3

Well yeah I know the dialogues are kinda stiff but unfortunately this is ultimately what I revise it to with my terrible English ability :P

As for the connection to the series well, this one isn't really intended to advance in terms of the main lore to begin with. It's more of what the Snake people did in response to their dynasty's fall and Shang's rise. Essentially, this is more of a follow up to the snake people & crow-worshipper conflict plot rather than the flesh & metal conflict one.

Similarly, I don't intend to link it to Sarkicism either. The flesh & metal stuff are there because that's what the snake people's tech are based on, but the connection is not the main focus. I'm hoping my spoilers aren't misleading, as those are only backgrounds I envisioned, but aren't necessarily part of the story. It feels quite right in my head, but I can understand if you think otherwise.

TL333s 17 Jun 2017 16:51

The stiffness of the dialogue quite honestly lends verisimilitude to it having been translated from Chinese. Like, seriously, translated dialogue should always be a smidge off.

Anyway, no idea how I missed this one, but I already told you I liked it, so :V

SunnyClockwork 17 Jun 2017 17:39

Well honestly glad you feel so because it is my inability to English more than anything :P

And thanks TL333s :3

DoctorNovakaine 25 Jul 2018 22:56

I really dig the Xia SCPs. Partly because awesome snake people, partly because it's more interesting lore rather than creepy lore, and partly because the presentation always feels solid. Very nicely done.

Khym Chanur 30 Nov 2018 19:03

The snakes! They have chewed on the bones of his enemies and friends, and now they come for him. This is the revenge!

Getting revenge on a person by targeting his friends is comprehensible. But getting revenge on a person by targeting his enemies?

Soultear 11 Apr 2020 05:52

Unnatural dialogue, stilted descriptions and kind of confusing… well, everything. Im not really a fan of this one. Downvoted.