SCP-3016 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-3016.

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SCP-3016 is finished!

GeometryPrime 20 May 2017 20:41

Hello!

This marks my first attempt to do a more narrative-based SCP, although the focus is still mostly on the object itself and its properties. I anticipate that it being uncontained at the time of writing might be divisive, but I wanted this to feel like a document as it appears only a few days after a breach. The idea of SCP files as "living documents" has always kinda interested me, and the thought of a file written just after the chaos of a breach seemed like fun.

To those of you who sent me critique, I thank you - and I apologize for not implementing some of it. I just don't have the writing chops to pull off some of the suggestions.

Let me know what you think, and thank you for reading!

Edit: Oh, and if anybody knows of any CC-compliant images of a silver spinning top, against a white background, I'd love to use one. Couldn't find any that weren't an actual product to buy.

Last edited on 21 May 2017 02:39 by GeometryPrime Show more

Communism will win 20 May 2017 20:49

It's good, for sure. I'm just thinking though, all the heat and moving air could probably harnessed for energy, right? Probably worth mentioning as a possibility, at least.

---

if your reading this your gay

GeometryPrime 20 May 2017 20:57

I mean, yeah, but containment is ideally gonna be restored at some point. Building turbines for an energy source that a) will get hotter and possibly damage the turbines, b) is putting the whole site at risk, and c) will eventually cease to be usable in that fashion when containment is reestablished might not be the best plan.

I could put a mention of the idea in though.

Drewson 20 May 2017 23:01

I like it a lot! You don't often see mistakes made by foundation personnel with results like this, very neat.

There's a small typo though. The temporary containment procedures cite level 7 of site-64 as the location, where the addenda say that it's site-55.

Last edited on 20 May 2017 23:02 by Drewson Show more

GeometryPrime 21 May 2017 00:19

Thanks! I've fixed that little typo.

The idea is that most of my skips are gonna be set in Site 55 - which I hope to kinda define more as I write. Currently, this one, 2597, and I think 2649 are like that.

TL333s 22 May 2017 00:38

I like the story, and while the object itself isn't the most interesting, I also like that it's a very simple anomaly causing a ton of trouble. +1

GeometryPrime 22 May 2017 00:40

Thanks!

It seems it's about as divisive as I thought it would be. It's gotten quite a few downvotes.

CannedBread 22 May 2017 14:18

I like it!

+ but

Some of the execution still seems bit wonky to me though— in particular, you are inconsistent with the verb tenses in the addenda. It's probably best to use past tense for everything in those EXCEPT the MTF log.

Also, and this is more minor, some of the wording in Addendum 2 feels unnatural to me. Like this exchange:

Bravo: Jesus, that's bright. Command, this skip has managed to heat the air by… a lot. Guess there was a reason it was in a vacuum.

Delta: My thermometer reads — Wow, it's… uh… melted, actually. We should probably head out pretty soon.

I dunno, this just seems too… casual? I think the last sentence from each of these agents is unnecessary and kind of obvious.

Also, some of the wording in the last three paragraphs of the article is kind of weird. For example, instead of

a full investigation by the Ethics Committee took place

it would probably be better to keep this in the active voice— "the Ethics Committee conducted a full investigation." There are a few other sentences in this section that could probably be cleaned up as well, to make it clearer/easier to read.

All of these are minor things, but definitely noticeable. Still, +1 from me for a quirky little anomaly and an interesting story that I don't think has been done yet.

GeometryPrime 22 May 2017 19:05

I get that.

Although I've always felt like MTF units would be fairly casual with one another, especially if they aren't in an immediately lethal situation. These guys are doing something fairly routine - it isn't as though they're in a firefight or being actively hunted by some monster.

I could probably stand to reword a few things though.

Thanks!

Basswhale 16 Jun 2017 11:58

I like it, but I feel like it needs something a little more? Specifically, the fact that the reason the battery backup wasn't there because of corruption falls a little flat for me, I think there could be a more interesting form of incompetence, maybe the battery was installed incorrectly because a senior researcher thought they knew better than the maintence team? It would be hard to make that engaging to read in the exploration log though. Still, solid article, +1 from me.

7636kei 05 Jul 2017 15:33

Actually, coming off someone who lives in (allegedly) one of the most corrupt nations in the world, my only gripe with this article is that I can't upvote the bugger twice. Well written, author ^w^

Edit: considering the heat B7 ran into, though, incorrect installation can be much, MUCH harder to confirm than no installation (have fun proving that anyone in B7 know how it's supposed to be installed in the first place). Remember, the heat managed to melt Delta's thermometer

Last edited on 05 Jul 2017 15:36 by 7636kei Show more

singdancebreakstuff 22 Jun 2017 05:08

I enjoy seeing the Foundation screw up sometimes. This shows that even something innocuous can cause a major problem. Some of my favorite anomalies are ones with seemingly minor quirks that suddenly become major problems because someone used it in the wrong way or didn't follow Containment Procedures. Definite +1 from me.

chubbz 18 Jul 2017 19:56

I liked this and it gets an upvote from me, but I am curious:

despite the need for the clamp to be replaced ██ times since recovery.

Is there a particular reason this needs to be redacted?

GeometryPrime 28 Jul 2017 02:11

Eh, not really I guess. I think I was just trying to be unnecessarily vague.

I could shove in a random number if you like.

Litfried 30 Jul 2017 06:57

This is nice. I like the object and the exploration of what it could cause, and the conclusion with the corruption is neat, too—not something I remember seeing anywhere else here, which now seems surprising. There's always going to be people skimming and taking more than they should, even from the organisation keeping the universe from destruction…

pyras 13 Jan 2018 05:49

why isn't this thing being exploited for energy purposes

also if this thing is so dangerous, why don't they freeze it? IRL the record is under 100 picokelvins…. just make it very, very cold.

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