SCP-730 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-730.

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Guilt free meat

SimpleCadence 20 Mar 2010 17:13

New entry, I would love feedback. I'm still new at this so I have trouble taking a step back from what I've written to say "what would this look like if I were reading it for the first time?"

The idea came from the picture, and I don't know how well I communicate it. It's also possible that I wrote too much. Hope you enjoy it.

bleggs 20 Mar 2010 17:40

I like this very much, +1. I don't think the "indefinite" life extension would work unless the virus can somehow extend telomeres and prevent cancer, though. Nitpicking - you've left question marks in a few places where I think you intended to put black-outs.

SimpleCadence 20 Mar 2010 21:41

When I wrote it I pretty much meant that they could live out a normal life span as vegetables given the proper life support, not necessarily that they are immortal. I was kind of thinking that it was at most a decade old, so there wouldn't necessarily be data on just how long you could get these things to survive, other than "a lot longer than you would expect for a headless infant." I can see how it was vague, and tried to edit for clarity.

Last edited on 20 Mar 2010 22:01 by SimpleCadence Show more

DrEverettMann 20 Mar 2010 19:13

I like it. However, I'd remove the "fortunately" from the end there. Make the Foundation a little more dispassionate.

ModernMajorGeneral 20 Mar 2010 23:28

I see the Foundation using this to raise lots of decerebrate D-class.

MrUnimport 21 Mar 2010 04:27

Wait, what? We faked a natural disaster?

I think it'd be better off without the natural disaster bit. There's no real point to explaining what the cover story was in an article about its containment and this way it allows you to come up with your own sanitation method.

SimpleCadence 21 Mar 2010 04:56

OK. I just thought to myself, "how could you justify the disappearance of an entire village?" and "natural disaster" seemed the only likely candidate. Not to mention the number of ways the Foundation could cause a (seemingly) natural disaster without having to fake it at all.

You're right in that it adds nothing to the entry, however. I'll make the edit.

Last edited on 21 Mar 2010 05:03 by SimpleCadence Show more

Sorts 22 Mar 2010 01:50

I think it's a little more chilling without the disaster language too. Reading between the lines it is clear that the only way the spread of this thing was stopped was to eliminate a large number of people, leaving the means of that elimination between the lines means we all get to think up a million terrible ways to wipe out a lot of people.

SimpleCadence 22 Mar 2010 02:03

Agreed. As a newbie, I have to say that I'm really happy with how the collaborative process forces me to re-evaluate my writing. I write and rewrite an entry until I think it's as good as it's going to get, and as soon as I post I have revelations every time someone makes a comment. Hopefully my contributions get at least a little better as the process goes on, as well. So thanks for taking the time to read and post.

tunedtoadeadchannel 22 Mar 2010 03:11

Excellent. The picture there is phenominal, cadence. Where'd you find it?

SimpleCadence 22 Mar 2010 03:27

I was actually doing an image search for "nursery" for a different idea, and on page 20 or so that came up, whatever it is. I just saved it for general creep value and eventually came up with a random idea for it.

Tabbyclaw 25 Mar 2010 02:51

Hmm, guess it's just me who really can't see anything clearly in the picture. Giant tanks, obviously, but the contents aren't really apparent and it's just making me think of an X-Files episode. Still, upvoted.

DrEverettMann 25 Mar 2010 02:57

They're clearly bodies of some sort, but I wouldn't be able to identify them as sheep if the caption didn't say so. I think it's creepier that way.

SimpleCadence 25 Mar 2010 03:18

You can see a larger image if you go to the files tag at the bottom of the page and click on the "creepy lab" image (it's the only one there). Honestly, it's just a pic I found and those could be alpacas in the tanks for all I know.

Pineapple of Despair 28 Jul 2011 18:46

"Okay, I have to admit that in hindsight, creating a highly infectious and rapidly mutating decerebrating virus just to relieve the conscience of some people hasn't been the smartest move - but it felt like such a good idea at the time!"

An excellent article. Merely thinking about this virus appearing in the wild gives me the creeps - and don't even get me started on how the Foundation would handle such occurrences… The picture helps a lot too, when I first saw it I could swear it's headless sheep in there…

A solid upvote.

Aarontastic 25 Jul 2012 22:19

As far as the wuit of writing goes in your SCP, I think it's great - very interesting and technically accurate; it looks like the work of a professional. But I have two criticisms: firstly, you mentioned the name of the doctor (Antony) early in the report, but them redacted his name either on. So that was probably an accident. Secondly, although the idea of a crazy virus is interesting to me, I don't know if it's really the sort o thing that the SCP handles; this is more something hat org.s like WHO or USAMRIID would take care of. In order to make your article fit in better, I think there needs to be some kind of paranormal element added.

Communism will win 04 Aug 2012 07:16

Didn't this used to be Prometheus Labs? Or am I hallucinating that?

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if your reading this your gay

Salman Corbette 04 Aug 2012 08:25

Pfft, you're not hallucinating, don't worry.

You're confabulating.

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