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Third SCP! Finally get to post this; I've had this concept since last New Years' Eve. Thanks to everyone in forums and chat who looked this over. Special thanks to my IRL friend 'C' for helping inspire the concept.
First image is sourced from here and is CC-BY-SA 2.0, second image is entirely my own work, made using the PubChem Sketcher.
Woo!
Spines = SCP-XYZ-1 vapor = Tenrec souls
The first addendum seems like it should be a part of the description, as it's how the SCP was captured.
I like this. I have a soft spot for SCPs that don't explicitly give me all the answers.
An enjoyable read! Novel, mysterious, some good body horror in there. I have a couple of suggestions for improvements, however:
I do plan on expanding on the relation between her and the tenrecs in a later work, though.
Novote. This is remarkably better than the last version I saw, and the show to tell ratio has dramatically improved. I feel like the incident log would have been the best place to leave off, as everything that came after felt like needless escalation for the sake of it.
The surprise-vampire tenrecs dispatching the guards bit was a little too narmy for my tastes as well.
I have further plans for this, so I think I like the logs where they are.
The "vampire-tenrecs" were the more reasonable option when I was writing this, actually (the alternative was possessed!Cierra somehow going full Matrix and incapacitating the guards by throwing the spines at them or punching them with the spines sticking out of her hand). I'm not opposed to changing that specific bit, but I do want the tenrecs to play some sort of role in the incident.
Well, I'm saying the end drags on in an unattractive manner that adds very little to the core narrative, and pulls it off in another direction. Without this, you would have a tighter, more focused piece.
If there's more in store, this could come into play in one of those future works.
I see what you're saying about the action sequence, but I can't help but think of an MST3K-riff-worthy B-movie. While I'm on the subject, where do they come from and how do they remain unseen? She drops the spines behind her, and continues on…they somehow mature, catch up, somehow get past her and behind the guards before attacking???
Do you see a way I can integrate the last few addenda into the story more smoothly? If there is one, I'd prefer to keep those in, but maybe I will have to shunt those off to the sequel.
Yes, the spine-to-fully grown tenrec transformation takes about 2 seconds. Maybe I'll rework the scene somewhat, there has to be a way to do this somewhat realistically.
Throwing spines might have been a better choice, if you're worried about it being too 'action-y', Then consider body-language: she's obviously not in full control of her faculties, so making the attack appear to be involuntary (puppeted, more or less) would make it sufficiently less "sooper kewl" and mildly horrifying.
ETA: I do think the spines turning into tenrecs is good and worth keeping, I'm just not a fan of how they're used.
Hey, it's good to know you gave this one another try!
I'm glad the whole "tenrec god" angle is gone, but what we're left with is the complete transmogrification of a species into a version of itself with higher intelligence — honestly, pretty neat, and placing it in Madagascar means serious ecological repercussions — and a woman with the weirdest superpower ever and kind of nothing else. The motivation behind her 'stunt', trance aside, is opaque, and… honestly, as I think about it right now, there being a person at the center of all of this doesn't really add anything to the article.
So, novote for now, but like I said, pleased to know you didn't give up on this one. :)
Yay! I think this version is quite a bit clearer and… plausible-ish? Once you start getting into the updates and notes the action just keeps pounding away. Very cool. +1
Edit: author approved edits
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This SCP mentions a blackboxed anomaly that requires monitoring in Madagascar. I propose crosslinking to SCP-1585, because due to SCP-1585's effects Madagascar would have to be monitored.
Editing this:
Reports from Foundation zoologists stationed in Madagascar while monitoring SCP-████ indicated
To this:
Reports from Foundation zoologists stationed in Madagascar while monitoring SCP-1585 indicated
Something similar (unblackboxing a blackboxed SCP number) was proposed a while back somewhere else. I'll say what I said there: it sets a dangerous precedent, if this occurs. Why stop at un black-boxing SCP numbers? Why not Site numbers? Researcher names? Maybe this five-letter blackboxed researcher is actually Dr. Gears?
My point is that the author blackboxed it out on purpose. If they want to unblackbox it, then they can, but it shouldn't be in the power of Wikiwalk to un-censor things the author wants censored.
I see where you're coming from, but in this case it aligns with my own wishes.
The blackboxes were always intended to be replaced with a Madagascar-involved SCP, I just hadn't been able to find one when I posted this.
Seagull, you've got the go-ahead.
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