Thank you to Tretter for his suggestions and review. Hopefully you will all enjoy this redux of an age-old myth as much as he did.
I've done my best to leave Incident Logs open (by starting beyond 1) so people much more imaginative than me could create additional iterations.
Original image used from: here.
EDIT: As usual, a slew of final "how did I possibly miss that?" edits as well as removal of ill-advised tags. Also thank you to Scorpion451 for his grammar edits.
I've removed number (digit) references as I realized that they are a legal, not scientific form of writing. I am a legal professional, so I'll chalk it up to habit.