Hey, this is my Hiscon entry. In classic contest fashion, written a week before the actual contest started.
Thanks to MrWrong, Randomini, JackIke, Apoplexic, GreenWolf, ARD, Shio, Rimple, and everyone else that guided its development.
Setting Sun / Discussion
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Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
My intention was that the Foundation has more in store for him that they are letting on, and that they're not just looking for his capabilities as a fleet admiral. That being said, I can definitely see where others might take issue.
I am inclined to give a neutral. While you have resolved a significant number of issues from my initial read of it, it is somewhat mind-numbing to grasp why they would need a naval admiral for the top job in a covert organisation; the two jobs are quite different (and I am sure that the Foundation would care about experience than qualifications).
That's intentionally left ambiguous - this story is told from the admiral's point of view. He has no idea what he is getting into, and the Foundation has intentionally withheld those details. My original intention was that the Foundation has ulterior motives for installing him in the top spot, but there are multiple interpretations - for all we (the reader/admiral) know, Kenzo is lying through his teeth.
This was also my first Disinformation Bureau tale since the orientation. Probably should have put that in the top.
And it turns out that Kenzo is working for the Chaos Insurgency, who insists that they are the real Foundation and not those posers.
How else would there be an OTT recruitment method and open demonstration of anomalous objects (which is supposed to be locked up)?
There are only a handful of things required to pull this off:
- Intel on the American operation - either SIGINT or via a mole.
- Ability to interfere with Japanese logistics, either through subterfuge or bribery
- Ability to produce or find an anomalously durable plane, as well as the knife.
- Competent intelligence bureau.
In addition to the Foundation, I think this falls well within the capabilities of Prometheus Labs, MC&D, Chaos Insurgency, and probably the proto-GOC forces. Probably others as well, but those for sure.
My interpretation is that this is a legitimate Foundation operation - but it is not unreasonable to hang on to the possibility of a non-Foundation operation.
Neutraling for much the same reason. If there's anything under the surface here that we're supposed to glean, it's not something I picked up on (it's rather straightforward).
I would've appreciated a little more throughout the tale to lead us along on what could possibly make this guy viable for the spot (or, at least some hints as to what could really be happening/what's significant about him in particular.), as right now it seems like you're placing most of the burden on the reader.
This might have been the sticking point for some - I may have overestimated how well-known he is.
The ten-second explanation is that he was a highly regarded Japanese admiral, an early pioneer of naval aviation, and mastermind behind the Pearl Harbor attack.
Alright, I wasn't asking who they were. It's a clever use of a historical figure, which saved me from downvoting to begin with.
That still doesn't solve my issue, I was concerned with the why. But it's totally my fault because I was jumping around some. I'll clarify. My original post was one-half agreement with MrWrong/Roget, one-half response to your addressing their concerns.
In particular:
If there's anything under the surface here that we're supposed to glean, it's not something I picked up on (it's rather straightforward).
and
as right now it seems like you're placing most of the burden on the reader.
Are a response to your replies concerning his fitness for the O5 position. Specifically:
That's intentionally left ambiguous - this story is told from the admiral's point of view. He has no idea what he is getting into, and the Foundation has intentionally withheld those details. My original intention was that the Foundation has ulterior motives for installing him in the top spot, but there are multiple interpretations - for all we (the reader/admiral) know, Kenzo is lying through his teeth.
My intention was that the Foundation has more in store for him that they are letting on, and that they're not just looking for his capabilities as a fleet admiral.
What I mean to say is that there's nothing in the tale that would suggest this is the case. There's no indication that they're lying to him, no real suspicion on his behalf. No subtle 'tells' that there's something beneath the surface of the exchange at the end. I think it'd be achievable to insert this if there was more story at the end, or alternatively, some details or thematic elements that would put that sort of spin on the ordeal.
When the concern is raised that he's too inexperienced to preform the role, you're saying that we should be reading into it another way, but what's actually present in the work only leaves room for one interpretation. He's replacing an O5, because *shrug*.
Now, I can completely understand them being inducted into the Foundation. It's the O5 bit specifically I'm hung up on. I understand who he is, and how he could benefit the big F. I still don't see why he'd be an O5, over, say, someone within the organization, nor do I see hints suggesting what they'd actually be using him for.
I think that even with the limited perspective, you could stand to make the admiral a bit more doubtful/savvy, or Kenzo more suspicious.
TLDR: Right now it seems that readers (myself included) are wondering about the logic of the matchup, while it seems you're intending to make us question their motives instead. I'm left feeling confused, instead of having a sense of wonder. What's present in the narrative doesn't seem to have the ambiguity you claim it does, and that could be strengthened so people are asking the right questions… if that makes sense.
That's a fair point - I guess I was relying on what wasn't present in the text, rather than what was.
Heh. The Seventh Occult War certainly would require unique ways of bringing people into the fold who could successfully fight it. Faking the assassination of a Japanese Admiral certainly would fit that bill.
I like this. The set up and explanation pay off for me as a reader, and the Admirals calm, collected doubt make him a fun character to read.
+1. Neat tale, Lazar.
Thanks! I was actually talking to ARD about a possible continuation - we'll see how it goes.
I think this is really bottom-heavy for a tale; all the actual meat and plot is in the final incredibly long section, to the point where the first two sections more or less feel superfluous. Additionally, reading it over three different times didn't lend me any knowledge as to what made this guy so special for the Foundation until I read this thread. On top of that, I don't find anything here (such as the story or characters) interesting or engaging. There was one cool section (the start of the last section with the Admiral seeing his double in the wreckage), but otherwise nothing I got behind.
I've long been interested in the War in the Pacific, partly because my father almost died there before becoming my father (that'll inspire some deep thinking). The 'you were going to die anyway, so come work for us instead' offer reminds me of Kage Baker's "Company" novels.
To paraphrase a line from "Judge Dredd", an ordinary man would have been shaken to his core by seeing his own corpse in the wreckage of a plane - but Admiral Yamamoto was no ordinary man.
+1
I'd imagine that a post-WWII Japanese Admiral would be speaking Japanese and not basic English.
Jokes and all that aside, this is a very "cliche'd" way of putting things. Important guy goes on trip. Important guy fakes death. Important guy becomes a more important guy. If it weren't for the ending, I'd really down-vote this. It still defines another meaning that the Foundation pretty much would fake the death of almost every "important guy" (i.e., GEN-ARMIES John Pershing, etc) just for the sake of personal influence, and I really can't see that. I know others might not share this same opinion, but I personally just don't understand the moral cause behind it. This is why I am sustaining my vote.
As for the Japanese - I don't speak it, and for reading purposes it would have to be translated anyway. I assumed that context would show that Japanese was being spoken, but it's read in English so that it can be understood.
The important background here is that these events actually occurred - Isoroku Yamamoto's plane WAS shot down by American fighters and his body recovered from the crash. Take a look at Operation Vengeance. Same with the British General mentioned in a one-off.
The idea I was trying to get across is that the Foundation doesn't engineer these sorts of situations - that would take a lot of effort and risk exposure for minimal payoff - but they WOULD take advantage of situations like this when they arise.
This is also a bit of special circumstance since the 7th occult war rages behind the scenes, and skilled tacticians are in short supply.
For me, the prose read in a somewhat stilted fashion. I could almost justify this as the first-person narration of a Japanese military official, but there was nothing beneath that surface - I struggled to connect with the character. The fact that the plot was (as commented above) a classic "fake death to reach greater understanding" didn't help with my level of engagement. Perhaps adding a Buddhist theme of enlightenment might tie things together?
Perhaps adding a Buddhist theme of enlightenment might tie things together?
Personally, I think that the motif of samsara is more appropriate here since Yamamoto is exiting his previous existence as an IJN admiral and entering his next existence as O5-10. I mean, the concept of enlightenment is more of 'liberation from reality altogether'. Whereas samsara is the circle of existence where you die and then reborn to experience another life.
That didn't occur to me - an underlying theme about swapping worlds definitely has a place in this tale.
Hi! Just informing this article has been translated to Japanese.
And some characters got their name in representation in Chinese characters. Lazar Lyusternik, don't hesitate to tell me if you had other representation in mind or want to tweak in some nuance.
治人 for Haruto; 宇居 賢三 for Ui and Kenzo, respectively.
They're quite non-eccentric choices overall. 治 roughly means to reign, to cure, peace and politics. 人 means a person. 宇居 is the 37533rd popular name in Japan, approximately 9 in 10,000,000 have this family name (though I'm not sure where this statistics came from). There aren't so much famous figures with this name. 賢 means wiseness. 三 means three, usually implying he is the third son born from a couple.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
