The Manistique Broadcast / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Manistique Broadcast.

Author Post

Kalinin 04 Jan 2017 19:23

This is a slightly edited version of the gift I gave to minmin for the 2016 Holiday Exchange, who requested a non-Christmas creepypasta to be posted to the site. So this is fulfillment of the second part of the request.

My thanks to an old, rambling drunk guy in a tavern in the remote woods of northern Michigan, lost in time somewhere in the late 1990s.

Last edited on 04 Jan 2017 19:27 by Kalinin Show more

SoullessSingularity 04 Jan 2017 19:43

The premise is interesting but it is all premise and no story. I wish it moved on from premise.

Also, I think nearly every sentence in this piece has a comma in it. This makes the whole thing feel extremely slow and I actually moved to downvote within the first 3 paragraphs for this issue.

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Living the dream, or dreaming the life?

Last edited on 04 Jan 2017 19:43 by SoullessSingularity Show more

A Random Day 04 Jan 2017 19:48

Concurring with Soulless in the pacing - I think breaking up the bigger sentences rather than dividing them with commas would definitely make reading this a smoother experience.

Zederex Armin 04 Jan 2017 20:30

Ditto as above.

I've also had the same problem with breaking sentences down a few times. The best way I think you can fix this, is to try diverting your attention to the specific phrases that you think are more important or should be more individualized to the story itself.

Last edited on 04 Jan 2017 20:30 by Zederex Armin Show more

(account deleted) 04 Jan 2017 21:23

While I do think that this is an interesting premise, hook and build up, there's no pay off to any of this. This feels like an opening to a series or something along those lines, and if so, its pretty good. But on its own, it just feels like its getting me invested for nothing.

No Vote.

(account deleted) 04 Jan 2017 22:20

Seconding this. Of course, a lot of the creepypastas on the site are kind of like this, but that's also why I've never really been a fan of them.

ProcyonLotor 05 Jan 2017 00:28

While it stays away from the miserably overused cliches of lost media creepypasta as a subgenre, and the distance gives an interesting sense of restraint more akin to someone recounting the Max Headroom or Captain Midnight intrusions in the era before the internet could kill urban legends dead, it feels like it stalls when changing gear. If a story like this is (or should be) a jigsaw puzzle, the author should either build it for us, or ideally, give us instructions, however vague, on how to begin putting it together. This ending here feels more like you've dumped the pieces in front of us, and there's some places where we can see how one or two fit together, but there's no chance of us getting it done. Authorial restraint can be a virtue, but it must be moderated as much as indulgence must be.
The components are interesting enough, and I'm happy to see new creepypasta on the site, but the sense of directionlessnes prevent me from upvoting.

minmin 05 Jan 2017 01:31

I feel this kind of fiction still has a place on the site. Sure, it's tradition, and tradition is the enemy of progress, but I personally enjoy this brand of mood-setting and scene-setting that stokes the imagination more than it can satisfy. It's the feeling of looking at the world with new eyes or stepping into the unknown, and I dig that. +1

Agent MacLeod 05 Jan 2017 09:09

As stated above, this reads like a distanced account of similar occurrences that actually happened (like Max Headroom), albeit one with weirder surrounding information.

What I will say is that this also strongly, strongly reminded me of old UFO conspiracy specials that used to come on late at night that used to scare the everloving crap outta me when I was real small, and my nostalgia definitely had a hand in my vote on this.

Hercules Rockefeller 05 Jan 2017 09:10

Nice, very unsettling. I'm a sucker for lost media and unexplained broadcasts, and I loved how this reads like an article for a real-life case (well, aside from the paranormal aspect, maybe). The dry, factual tone, the inclusion of true crime elements, even the lack of a payoff/conclusion, all contributed to the impressive verisimilitude. That said, like others who commented, I wouldn't mind seeing this developed more, as I feel there's a lot of untapped potential here. It's cool to see a straight-up creepypasta being posted, though, we need more of those on the site.

My thanks to an old, rambling drunk guy in a tavern in the remote woods of northern Michigan, lost in time somewhere in the late 1990s.

OK, now I'm genuinely curious. Could you please elaborate?

Last edited on 07 Jan 2017 15:27 by Hercules Rockefeller Show more

Kalinin 05 Jan 2017 17:39

OK, now I'm genuinely curious. Could you please elaborate?

Back when I was briefly in the area of Michigan mentioned, I met an old yooper in a run-down bar on the outskirts of a dilapidated logging town, who told a story similar to what's being related here. He swore repeatedly that it was true and that no one else remembers it in the area. So he provided the initial inspiration.

Hercules Rockefeller 06 Jan 2017 08:27

Man, I'm jealous. I've met my share of interesting people in dive bars, but none with a story half as memorable as this one. The fact that there might be a kernel of truth to this article makes me like it even more.

TL333s 05 Jan 2017 23:26

Pretty neat. I like that oblique reference to the Foundation covering it up at the end.