SCP-2417 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2417.

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NatVoltaic 18 Nov 2016 01:34

Welp, here is my third scip! After 2 months of drafting (and some lack of motivation), it is finally out. For those wondering, this is a start at connecting some the Foundation mythos together, which has always been fragmented. About the Church of the Second Hytoth, they are basically the Daevites but much more benevolent, with a bit of collecting ancient stuff. I don't fully intend to make them of GOI, but if you guys want to do so I won't object at all.

Also if someone can correctly identify every cross reference they get 1 Voltbuck! (Worth 0.0001 US dollars)

Oh, almost forgot! Big shoutout to shaggydredlocks and buttfranklin for helping my write this, and to everyone else who has reviewed it!

Last edited on 18 Nov 2016 02:04 by NatVoltaic Show more

Dimitryov 26 Nov 2016 04:02

dude this is awesome. Big + from me

Rimple 18 Nov 2016 01:40

Very enthusiastic +1 from me. This is some A+ worldbuilding, introducing us the the fringes of a very intriguing mythos. I love Alison's characterisation, and feel you did a great job of getting her across through the dialogue. The poem at the end would have felt cheesy if it didn't genuinely feel like something Alison would do, so good job getting that to feel natural.

If there's ever more about the Church of the Second Hytoth, I'll be very happy to read it. But if you leave it at this it stands very firmly on its own two feet.

SpectralDragon 18 Nov 2016 02:02

I would give this octopus seven upvotes for each arm, but alas I have but one upvote to give.

Jack Manganese 18 Nov 2016 04:38

maybe I've done too much chemistry...

…but I think "0.5 ml vial of blood" describes a specific piece of glassware, "a 0.5 mL vial", containing an unknown quantity of blood. Maybe better as "a vial containing 0.5 mL of blood" or even better as just "0.5 mL of blood".

Edit:

Also...

The word "slayed" is a real word, but it's pretty uncommon in the present day. Since it's part of a translation, maybe "slew". Unless, you know, artistic intent.

Last edited on 18 Nov 2016 05:08 by Jack Manganese Show more

Rigen 18 Nov 2016 07:02

This rhymes surprisingly easily with 2317. Coincidence? A good piece, but the blood sacrifice turned me off for some reason. I know it's essential to the plot, but I am not a fan of it…

NatVoltaic 18 Nov 2016 12:11

Semi-coincidence. There is a connection to SCP-2317, but it was unintentional with the number. In fact, the choice of number has its own symbolism behind it (have fun figuring that out).

Rigen 19 Nov 2016 11:56

This is a stretch, but 2417, 2 designates second world, 417 means the fourth is the one survivor of what was once seven.

NatVoltaic 19 Nov 2016 16:30

I didn't intend for the 2 to have any symbolism (I'm stuck with series III for this), but the last bit is pretty much what I was going for.

Rigen 19 Nov 2016 17:16

Well, it's not like you got any choice in the number 2, but giving it meaning made it even better for me

NatVoltaic 19 Nov 2016 17:25

Unintentional symbolism is best symbolism.

DrMagnus 18 Nov 2016 13:24

Liked it when I read it as a draft, like it now.

Shaggydredlocks 18 Nov 2016 14:02

Couple nitpicks with the description that I missed in drafting due to focusing more on the addenda:

"blood sacrifice"

I have no idea why this is in quotes, and don't think it needs to be.

"Rakmou-leusan's wrath is coming."

This strikes me as odd. Throughout the rest of the article, it's clear that Alison is only trying to support Rakmou, who would weaken and die without blood. It doesn't make sense for her to fear its wrath when her cult has it on cosmological life support. The rest of the piece unfolds with her acting out in desperation, but her fear then isn't from being smote by her god, its from the things it defends them from.

There's one or two bits of her dialogue I think you could have broken up to let the conversation flow better. Otherwise this is fine, and I like new structure. +1

NatVoltaic 18 Nov 2016 16:53

The wrath bit was actually from an earlier version of this scip, and should've been removed. I'll fix that and the other stuff you've recommended.

Fingo7 18 Nov 2016 15:27

After reviewing this twice in chat, I got to see this get better and better. Now I really love it, and I feel it's written pretty well with a solid (and pleasingly whacky) concept. This mundane sapient religious object deserves only a very confident +1 :3

DrArmstrong 18 Nov 2016 19:34

Very nice job characterizing an oragami octopus and creating an interesting religious GOI!

The 2317 reference is the only one I immediately picked up on, but I'll definitely peruse this in greater detail later, as I can tell there are plenty more.

TL333s 19 Nov 2016 00:08

I'm not sure if this is objectively good, but overall I had a positive experience and enjoyed the wacky world-building. If nothing else, I like the idea of blood sacrifices to maintain a god's strength so they can protect us, instead of the usual bit.

NatVoltaic 19 Nov 2016 16:28

One of my goals when writing this was to explain why so many gods want blood. At this point the cliche is so used that it deserves an explanation. Good to hear you enjoyed it!

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