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(account deleted) 11 Nov 2016 13:42
OK, I got feedback for it on the critiquing forum, everybody tell me what you think.
SCP-2518 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2518.
(account deleted) 11 Nov 2016 13:42
Minor issue for me is the inconsistency in the measurement system. In the Special Containment Procedures you used yards for the fence, but every other measurement uses the metric system.
That's really my one issue with it though. Overall, I enjoyed it.
+1
Sometimes a lot of small changes make a big difference.
- first paragraph of the containment procedures, last sentence, you've got a SCP-2518-3 where I think you mean SCP-2518-C.
- The yards thing Dr.Avynn pointed out can just be flipped to meters.
- Last paragraph before the interview, " a number of large stone carvings unlike [those/any/native art styles/etc] known to exist in the area"
I feel your pain. Keyboards never type what I want them to either.
(Also found another one, check the collapsible)
They're Anakim, right? Except they're (sorta) Jewish now. It's not really my area of study, so I'd have to do some solid Wikipedia diving to really suss out exactly what's going on here, but I'm certainly intrigued.
Something I thought was clever is that how travelling off-continent is "discouraged" by -C, but they explicitly have compasses, astrolabes, and telescopes… that is, everything you need to cross an ocean short of preserved food and a boat. What are they hiding?
I fixed the XXXXes for you, but there are a few apparent errors that I didn't feel confident unilaterally changing:
- "500-yard" Metric should be used here. A meter is just a bit longer than a yard, for reference.
- "700 BP" can't be right, unless it's some hot new system I've never heard of.
- Political organization into nation-states is a very interesting choice, as it would be thoroughly anachronistic for a pseudo-Iron Age society — nation-states are a European invention that more-or-less superseded empires sometime between the 15th and 19th centuries, depending on who you ask. Noticeably, they've never coincided with egalitarian societies :^) If this oddity was deliberate, you can leave it in, but if the aim is realism I'd suggest some other political formation.
- "Knowledge of SCP-2518’s existence became known" is redundant. I'd recommend cutting the first two words.
- "unlike known" is missing a word. Probably "those".
- After "SCP-2518-C-128: Welcome, child of Seth.", there isn't an empty line where there should be.
Overall though, this was a pretty interesting, if unspectacular, read. I'll probably be turning it over in my head and doing that Wikipedia diving on and off for a while from here on out. Nice work.
EDIT: Well, fuck me for taking a whole half hour to write this up, since other people seem to have addressed a lot of stuff. I don't feel like figuring out what's still relevant though. Oh well.
if your reading this your gay
Thanks for pointing out what you did, I need all the editing help I can.
"BP" is a term used in carbon dating, meaning "Before Present", with "present" referring specifically to the year 1950.
Also, keep in mind that they're supposed to (mostly) be Iron Age in technology, not society.
Oh, and thanks for fixing the XXXX's, too.
Wow, this is really neat. Is this your first SCP? If so - super impressive. Love the concept, really intriguing story. +1, can't wait to see more from you!
I like it, definitely a solid first SCP.
I admit I was skeptical when I started reading, as I read about a hexagonal landmass with an agrarian/barter economy and thought it would be a Settlers of Catan skip, which would be hard to pull off successfully, in my opinion.
Instead, this was a well thought out, short-but-sweet article featuring antediluvian giants who happen to live on a Catan-esque continent.
Definitely a +1, but I'd really like to know more about Sutton joining the society! I find it a bit hard to believe that the Foundation wouldn't try to interview her or her lover.
I like this, but admit hesitation at the thought of how an 8.6 meter tall man could impregnate a human woman without causing her serious injury.
constantly ambient temperatures
You're saying the gorge is the same temperature as the things surrounding it, which I don't think is the intent.
a horizontally-oriented continent
As opposed to a vertically-oriented one? I'm not sure what you're getting at here.
in in the immediate area
home of the ████████
This killed it for me. This doctor knows what's up, he understands what the guy he's talking to is referring to, and I don't, so the whole interview was a big zero in my estimation.
romantically seduced
I was going to snark about how there isn't really any other sort, but this whole addendum adds nothing to the article, so I'd recommend just dropping it.
Overall, did not strike me in any particular way, felt like it was leaning too hard on Daevites to add context, and the interview just really did not work for me. -1
As opposed to a vertically-oriented one? I'm not sure what you're getting at here.
East-to-west, as opposed to north-to-south.
Fixed some of your other criticisms. Thanks for pointing them out.
/forum/t-1989637/scp-2518#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
