Well, here it is. Another pair of anomalous lesbians with another wolf-like entity. Whoops.
Thank you so much to minmin, vezaz, xeno, DrMagnus, Shio, weryllium, Rimple, TL333s and Lex1nat0r for looking at this in chat or otherwise helping.
SCP-2916 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2916.
I know I said I liked the idea when you pitched it, but this doesn't feel like it. It's a little rushed, a little literal, just a little too concrete - while it is good writing nonetheless, it doesn't have as much gravity as it could have in the end. No voting.
edit: gaffsey's forum post says it best - "For something that seemed so arch and mythical, it was a huge letdown to find that at the end, it was just two people who had been on the run for just over a year."
Oh. Okay. Ugh. Knew I should have waited. Damn it. Might change the ending, then, to something more deserving of it.
Pretty much this. I feel that the 'story' was resolved far too simply, and it takes away from its impact. There wasn't much of a sense of struggle. It seems contrived. Hesitant -1.
Also, do the works listed actually refer to each other in some way?
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And how did they jump into the Foundation's book in the first place with zero prior knowledge of its existence?
It's been significantly updated, now. Try and look at it here.
Okay, now I've updated this some. It's much less concrete now, and the end is far more fitting. It's not two lovers feeling from an abusive father, not just - it's a girl who wanted what she couldn't have, and shirked her responsibilities to get it.
That…was rather quick! It is definitely more nuanced, and the backstory has been given some solid ground. Downvote herby rescinded.
Problems still:
until today's exchange
As SCP articles are effectively fixed to a certain point in time, this read strangely. You could either date the entry, or switch this overview to mention a specific date.
…and an incomplete sentence you already feexed :p.
Yeah, I thought that aspect would be better - it gives it a whole new level of meaning, and explains why the whole "chase" takes place in narrative form. Will make the tense fix, though!
Edit: whoopsies. thank u <3
(account deleted)I like this a great deal more, although my stylistic complaints still stand. The relationship between the three characters is far clearer, and the note actually makes sense now. That being said, there are some bits that feel a bit too straightforward, such as "God, if I could just be flesh. Then I could be with her." I get that you don't want it to be overly ambiguous, but I think that the story is already clear enough.
There are a few other odds and ends I didn't particularly dig, like a metafictional being that expressed entirely in words declaring that words don't work for her. The synopsis of the folk tale was uncomfortably wedged into a section that didn't really need it. The note seemed to imply that "Mattie" wasn't trapped in the painting and had somehow escaped and was planning to enter meatspace. On the one hand, "tragic lesbians" is a pretty lame trope, but on the other, a happy ending-to-be really removes a lot of the pathos from the end.
I wish that we got more of an idea of why Mattie and Farrah fell in love, but that's what tales are for, I suppose. Also, this reminds me a great deal of There Was One There Was Not One, which pleases me to no end.
Overall, very much improved and I applaud the ambition, but it still doesn't quite stick the landing. No vote. With changes, upvote.
The "words" thing was meant to imply that this wasn't the Lamb's first language - she was written in an ancient variant of Gaelic that has different words for things, that would allow her to explain yourself more easily. I've changed that to reflect it, and I removed the folk tale. I also changed the ending, upon much deliberation - I decided that she is still trapped in the painting, in a way, but that some part of her remains in the tale, and that eventually, she will find her again, in the mind of someone who reads her story once more.
Thank you so much for your feedback. It means a lot to me.
I didn't see this before the changes were implemented, but I really enjoyed this and I'm going to second the notion that I'd like to hear more about the backstory between Mattie and Farrah, so, maybe a tale in the future? All in all, good work as always AN. +1
When I first read it, the Columbinus section remind me of something in particular, and I had an ackward feeling about it. But I see you changed it a bit, now it feels better.
+1
I just read this today and it's got to be one of my favourite SCP's. OP, you could really write a lot of really interesting tales based on this SCP to give it more depth that is more difficult to achieve in the article. Keep up the good work and I'll look out for more of your articles in future.
Edit: timer expired, edits made
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This has an extremely similar concept to SCP-432 - another narrative-bender that hops mediums. There are also similarities in the last couple addenda with SCP-1304; specifically, a fictional character coming to life.
Propsing adding this to the end of the Description, before the collapsibles with the addenda:
Multiple similarities have been noted between SCP-2916 and SCP-423; specifically, they are both entities that are able to take on different characters derived from their narrative environment. Interviews with SCP-423 have confirmed that it does not know of SCP-2916-1, SCP-2916-2, or SCP-2916-3.
It is unknown what would occur if any instance of SCP-2916 underwent SCP-1304.
Can I say how happy I am that the Foundation isn't mentioned dosing Farha Khan and zapping her memory? Even if it's because they think she'll be useful in containing the Lamb, if/when she returns, it's still good she gets to keep those memories.
As for Wolf -if you keep being a jerk, don't be surprised if someone finally kicks your butt. Even if Lamb was shirking important duties, that was not the way to get her to come back.
+1, would upvote again.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
