I return
Hey guys, it's been a long time, and I'm still trying to get my sea legs back, so to speak.
If you're willing to leave what you like/don't like about this in addition to a vote, I'd appreciate!
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Nice touch on the bit you added to the ending, it's better than when I saw it in chat!
In a world where His Name didn't exist I would upvote this in a heartbeat. As it is, though, His Name is a much more interesting and engaging take on cognitohazards so I have to remain neutral on this.
While the story almost-but-didn't-quite grab me, I'm downvoting primarily for the writing itself. There are a number of turns of phrase that to me feel laboured - eg:
He thought to himself, that he should feel lucky. He gets to leave every day at six. He wasn't like one of the research scientists down in the labs. Just an A&D evaluator. He was fairly happy with that arrangement, if it wasn’t for the damn buzzing.
First sentence has an oddly placed comma (and if this is internal narrative, only the last four words are really necessary). Second sentence switches verb tense. Third and fourth sentences could be amended and combined for smoother comprehension. Last sentence doesn't start with a conditional verb ("He would be … if it wasn't"). There are lots of parts like this.
I will admit that I don't understand why the Records clerk misidentified McBride as Theodoratos - I can't see where that fits into the cognitohazard as described.
He didn't. The report was prepared by Doctor Theodoratos. The cognitohazard was that he was identifying the report as being about himself, thus the clerk told him it was prepared by who signed it: Doctor Theodoratos.
As for the the laboured turns of phrase, I understand where you're coming from, they're contrived. I wrote them as coming from the characters perspective, thinking to himself while he was avoiding finishing the work on something he didn't wish to do.
Regardless, thank you for your feedback, and for reading.
He didn't. The report was prepared by Doctor Theodoratos. The cognitohazard was that he was identifying the report as being about himself, thus the clerk told him it was prepared by who signed it: Doctor Theodoratos.
Sorry - I'm being dense. Dr McBride suffers from a cognitohazard which (as well as making him an unwitting CI agent) makes him see his own signature on the report instead of Dr Theodoratos' signature - is that correct? Why would the cognitohazard need that secondary effect?
That's correct. The cognitohazard isn't particularly well defined in its effects in the article, just the specific symptom and that it had to be contained. In my head at least, it starts with this, then he can only see judgement of himself in anything he reads, so he starts stuffing the reports in his desk, then eventually loses his grip on sanity.
As a corrollary, I updated the clerk's response to "Doctor Theodoratos. Something wrong Doctor McBride?" to avoid the confusion.
I liked a lot of the internal Foundation drama of this guy and the stirrings of anomalous activity in his life but even though it talks a bit about him being a person in charge of imprisoning people and has some setup to that effect, it's not really used to its full potential and the memetic phenomenon ending is anticlimactic.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
