My attempt at writing a thing for Pitch Haven. Even though they aren't around when I'm publishing this, I want to thank Fantem for starting that series and helping me out with this when I had questions.
Enjoy.
SCP-2723 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2723.
I love this. I'm all about extradimensional anomalies that have more of an atmosphere to them than "and then u ded sry."
One nitpick: the mosquito laser link in the containment procedures. I really can't see the Foundation linking to Wikipedia in a report, and I feel it's clear enough from context anyway.
ignore this, I have the worst memory and forgot about SCP-1913
In-universe, the link is to a description of the system. The wikipedia link is just an out-of-universe hing so people know what on earth it is. A similar trick has been used in other articles.
I feel like this doesn't really tell us anything we didn't already know, and just describes another outcome of a Edenite being punished. Maybe I'm missing something.
Do we really need to have every floor of the tower described? That might be a case of too much detail - I had to resist the urge to skip to the end of that table - though I recognize there is a narrative being told in those descriptions.
I also agree that the Wikipedia link is a bit out of place. I feel like a footnote describing the tech would be more in the Foundation's style (while still providing your readers with some info). Still a lot to like here, so neutral vote from me.
Minor nitpick:
arranged in sedentary layers
in the level 3 description should be
arranged in sedimentary layers
Sedentary is used to describe an inactive person who tends to sit or lie down much of the time ("sedentary lifestyle"). Sedimentary (composed of sediments) is what you were going for.
EDIT: Since this still wasn't fixed almost seven years later, I went ahead and fixed it, since there's no way sedentary was the correct word. Also fixed "let it be know" in the last bit to "let it be known".
This certainly is well written. A lot of thought was put into both the anomaly and the construction of the tower, and old angelic article is spot on for what I've seen in the other PH articles.
Ultimately though? I'm not feeling this one enough for an upvote. I don't think you're doing your characters enough justice.
For me, 2905 and 2988 were good additions to the mythos because each added an interesting character with their own narrative outside the 'main event' of the war in Eden. Here, it seems you're simply spelling out that general narrative (combined with Genesis/human affairs post-Eden).
You have a perfectly good character with their own role and unique viewpoint but instad focus more on the overall PH story. This may be good for an introduction to the series in general, but without exploring you characters further, it seems like a tacked on 'me too' in terms of their part of the PH mythos to readers who are familiar with the material.
No vote for now.
I loved it and gave it a +1! Was that a SCP-1000 cameo in the log of floors?
~Crunchy
/forum/t-1769165/scp-2723#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
