SCP-2749 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2749.

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Allow me to bring this back up to +1

(account deleted) 08 Jun 2016 16:31

While this concept has kinda been done before with Moth Helm and such, I feel this is still pretty well written and entertaining. Having this:

SCP-2749-A3: He says: "The calls of our lord to business are a force that cannot be described in words or even thoughts."

immediately followed by:

SCP-2749-A3: Remember doctor, it's everyone's business!

particularly made me chuckle. +1 (btw, hope you don't mind me taking the liberty to fix some minor spelling/grammar issues)

Edit: still enjoyed this one, but re-reading, I do agree with Conwell down there that this might work better as a -J perhaps.

Last edited on 10 Jun 2016 08:33 by (account deleted) Show more

Kalinin 08 Jun 2016 17:18

Humor reliant on corporate buzzwords are at about the same level as Yakov Smirnoff parody jokes to me. It's been done so many times, in so many ways, that I just feel nothing, except maybe slight annoyance, when I see it. That's probably more personal preference than anything, though I can't help but think that maybe there's something more worthwhile to reach for than literally sticking neckties on things and having them jabber about success rates.

In terms of what I view to be objective quality, I do think that beating the joke into the ground repeatedly makes for a pretty tired reading experience. And the interviews. More aggressively wacky things shouting at me in all caps to get across the huge amounts of forced whimsy. Lord preserve us.

psul 08 Jun 2016 17:46

I'm still not sure I can see much substance here beyond "inanimate objects spout the word 'business' a lot" (it's not even really business jargon) and that isn't enough for me. Business Incorporated seems to have no purpose (or its purpose is to make everything into a -1 instance), which doesn't make for much of a story

In addition this has a number of annoying inconsistencies - the tie is described as black and white, in contrast to the picture, and the effect is described as being negated on removal of the tie, which I originally read as referring to the large tie, meaning multiple instances would be impossible.

Last edited on 08 Jun 2016 17:46 by psul Show more

sirpudding 08 Jun 2016 19:30

Yes the absence of "synergy", "core", "paradigm", "mission", and so on is conspicuous. This doesn't seem to be more than a one note joke, and the single note isn't even well thought out.

Hawkin 08 Jun 2016 17:49

The description states that the object is a "black and white cotton tie", but the picture is of a black and red tie. One or the other needs to change.

Also, "circumvate the items anomalous effects". I think you were going for circumvent, as circumvate isn't a word and circumvent has the meaning you wanted from the context. And "items" needs to be items' (with an apostrophe at the end), as it is plural possessive.

Overall, I'm getting a meh feeling, but the fixes might improve it for others.

TL333s 09 Jun 2016 00:06

I found this mildly amusing until the constant repetition of "business" made me think of the Lego Movie. I'm not sure this quite works.

Jacob Conwell 09 Jun 2016 04:11

Eh. I found this to be amusing enough, though I agree that the constant repetition of the term business is a little annoying by the time the article is finished. Still, the inanimate objects have an argument in a roughly constructed board room, and Mr. Business being a tie wearing yet another tie got a decent chuckle out of me.

I'm going to go ahead an give you the +1 for now, but suggest that maybe this could be re-purposed as a -J if a dash more jokes are added in.

Fingo7 09 Jun 2016 15:31

I've removed most of the "business", but I've kept the names of the services (fast business etc.), because that's their way of advertising their industry.
Also,

+ Spoilers

Modern business (annoying phrases, ties, etc.), is actually an alien culture.
The purpose of business inc. is to spread (or deliver) this culture in order to honour their God.

If you are wondering, "Wait, when did they say this?", the laptop in the 2nd interview says that one of their previous locations, the USA must have influenced the foundation (judging by their ties). The god thing, that comes from the Lord tI thing Mr. business is quoted on. Maybe I should make this plot more clear with edits.

Last edited on 10 Jun 2016 13:38 by Fingo7 Show more

LittleSallyDigby 30 Aug 2016 23:39

I recommend putting more hints into the article, because that concept is a lot more interesting than what's currently there.

+ ideas...

• Instead of saying that Business Incorporated "used to" have a branch in the US, I would say that they've been operating on Earth for a long time (decades at least), and currently have lots of branches all over the world.
• The dialogue of the conference is good, but kind of clashes with the idea that these things are, in fact, massively successful on our planet. Maybe instead of the success rate going down, have the employees show concern that their rate of expansion is getting slower?
• Maybe hint that the tie also works on humans, or that Business Incorporated has also made ties that affect humans this way? The disconnect between humans performing these behaviors and inanimate objects doing so is a big one, and hard for the reader to cross without being pushed.
• I'll bookmark this and come back to it later.

dspitzle 26 Jan 2017 21:54

I vote for these changes as well, but have upvoted it as written. I really think going farther with implying "business" is an alien memetic construct would give this more substance.

ObserverSeptember 10 Jun 2016 14:44

Bit cheesy at the end, but I liked it overall. +1

Kept thinking of The Lego Movie when I read it.

DrMorris 10 Jun 2016 18:03

Their boss is a tie… Wearing a tie.
Overall, it was a little boring but amusing enough for an upvote.

Scorpion451 11 Jun 2016 16:04

The more I think about it, the more I like this one.
Fridge +1

Galboros 13 Jun 2016 00:21

You've got the dash 1 A3 talking where the Dr. should be in the final interview, second-to-last line.

And I'm wanting to believe this is a much less pushy, productivity focused branch related to the Door-to-door salesman's group.

Last edited on 13 Jun 2016 00:21 by Galboros Show more

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