Thanks again to those who looked over, like Mr. Wrong, l33tr, Dr. Solo, Moenennbys, LordStonefish, and any others who I may have forgotten.
Hope you enjoyed it!
SCP-2765 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-2765.
(account deleted)Note to self: Don't provide critique when lying awake at midnight.
Reading now, having more rest and a clearer mind, I see some issues with this. Mainly the fact that each detail after another is introduced with little transition, producing a disjointed feel. I'm left with onlt a vague idea of what the focus is here.
Yeah, I'll probably take it down tonight if it doesn't reach +10 and pass it around for another round of crit.
Quick question for a mod/authority figure/ smart people, if I take it back to the drafting stage, do I use my old forum or am I allowed to pop open a new one get more space?
If you use the same thread you can build on the previous critiques. I find it generally helpful to read what other reviewers have already said, myself.
I thought that the premise was introduced well and held my interest but the logs at the end didn't do much for me. I think they could be made better with editing.
Whether you like it or not, history is on our side. We will bury you!
It's an alright SCP but it doesn't do much for me. If feels like the premise could have been hidden in the logs and revealed at the end instead of directly stating in the first log "It's Hermes". It's a neat idea but I think it could be better with some further tinkering.
I tried hiding Hermes's name at first by claiming that sections of the text were unreadable, but people said that the unreadables felt cheap and lazy, and it really wouldn't make sense for his main name to be used. The fact that it was Hermes was not supposed to be the main point anyways, but the fact that he was willing to use the Silk Road as a trick to try and destroy other pantheons and to establish himself as the dominant god of trade.
Well, I feel clever for figuring out that this was an anomalous Silk Road effect. I couldn't really make heads or tails of why the effect was petering out until reading the backstory, but I do like those bits, particularly the visit by Hermes. Honestly, the worst I can say is that this needs some cleanup. (There is, for example, a "Xongnnu" in there.)
I had that in the back of my mind as I wrote it, but the SCP is intended to be self sufficient and original.
Of course, it can be if you want it to be.
7 lucky lords of the Eastern Archipelago
If this is referring to the Seven Lucky Gods, I am deeply afraid that this is anachronistic. The setting for the gods' gathering would be during the Han Dynasty. At that time, Japan was still at the Yayoi period.
Six out of the Seven Lucky Gods are deities of Buddhist origin, and Buddhism was only introduced to Japan by the late Asuka period (which would be the Sui or Tang Dynasty in China).
… I really need to brush up on my eastern mythology. And check my SCPs more. Have any suggestions?
I can't help thinking that by 2003 the US had been intervening pretty thoroughly in the central region of the route. I'm wondering if that had more to do with the effect ending than Hermes' power just getting played out…
Nah. The Silk Road's seen more than its share of wars over history. Just since SCP-2765 is said to have started, various parts of the Middle East have been fought over and/or conquered by Greece, the Persian Empire, Carthage, Rome, the Byzantine Empire, the First Caliphate, the Mongol Empire, the Mughal Empire, the Ottoman Empire, the Crusades, the Sikh Empire, British India, Nazi Germany, and the Soviet Union. (I'm just hitting the highlights here, mind you)
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
