153
This one came out much shorter than the other two I've written, so I'm concerned I haven't put enough info in instead of too much as I have been. In any case, comments and criticisms are welcome as always.
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I don't get why the dimensions have to be redacted.
I was really liking it until … "When a human enters the shower or bathtub, SCP-153 will [DATA EXPUNGED], leaving almost nothing behind."
1) seems like a bad use of [DATA EXPUNGED] to me
2) It feels weird that a roundworm would 'leave nothing behind' .. they're parasites. I mean, granted, it's here because it's not typical, but still, I think maybe some moderation could be helpful here.
1. I see what you mean, Dox, and have updated that part. It's less vague, at least.
2. It would be tough for a 30-foot worm to live off of parasitism alone…. Hopefully the phrasing works better with the updated description, 'cos I'd really like to keep the 'no trace left' idea. Either way, let's see if this update works any better.
I still have more or less the exact same complaints. The [DATA EXPUNGED] still seems forced, and I still think the fact that it swallows them whole and disappears in less than two seconds is a bit … narmy. Sci-Fi channel type monster behavior. Also, it probably doesn't quite need to be 30 feet long.
If you want to incorporate the 'nothing left behind' idea, perhaps something a bit slower … let's see … it has highly acidic saliva, so maybe once it senses pray, it incapacitates them, dissolves them, absorbs this resulting liquidy goodness, and then lets whatever remains wash down the drain.
Also the acidic substance should look like soap bubbles, just for kicks >.> …
Yeah, I figured there was a chance of going too over-the-top…. Hmm. See, I was shooting for something that would strike without warning and too quickly for its victim to even scream out before being eaten, and then leaving without a trace, to get people disappearing from their showers. So it shouldn't be too slow, or it would have been discovered already…. I dunno, I'll have to ponder what to do with it. Thanks for the feedback!
Maybe it has a sedative bite or sting, something like, the victim steps on the drain, it stings them, but the sting is small enough to be ignored or discarded, but has a fast-acting agent that puts them to sleep, and then it crawls up and consumes them in the span of 20-30 minutes? I know people that take showers that long, and by the time people get suspicious of the long shower, the victim is all ready gone.
Thanks for the suggestions, guys. For the moment I'm going with "all of the above", or at least any, till I settle on a method (if ever). Hmm. Maybe different subspecies, each with their own unique hunting techniques….
this one's very scary to think about. i think i disagree with dox on the expunging, the way you did that leaves everything to the imagination and anyone with an active imagination will be able to come up with dozens of horrifying possibilities. it's one of the only SCP's i've read that makes me want the expunged data to STAY expunged because i'm afraid to know the reality.
I needed to shower tonight.
Great.
Living the dream, or dreaming the life?
I like this one, but it has two things that bother me. The [DATA EXPUNGED] in the containment procedures seems inappropriate. The parasites' ability to pull a human down a drain before they can even scream has a 'cartoony' feel to me. The suggestions made of a sedative or paralytic poison would work. Perhaps they also have a reducing poison similar to spider venom, liquifying the victim's bones and flesh enough to pull them through.
Gotta agree on the first point (I blame it on being young and foolish at the time). Now excised— thanks for spotting that. As for the second… I can see where you're coming from, but I'm going to file it under Your Mileage May Vary. (That, and I'm disinclined to go mucking about with their feeding mechanism at this point.)
Thirty foot worms in the sewers… joy….
I'm assuming that they have to somehow liquefy their target before they ingest them. Makes it so much worse to imagine, along with the amount of time it takes. 4 black boxes for the number of seconds it takes puts the time of liquefaction at anywhere between 17 minutes and nearly 3 hours. Would probably really suck to walk into the bathroom in the middle of this. On a side note it would make sense that there should be a paralytic otherwise whoever the victim is would just jump out of the tub, especially with a 17 minute feeding time.
Maybe they are attracted to people who listen to music while they shower so the screams would be masked by the loud music coupled with the running water? Then again that seems too silly.
Despite its problems I shall upvote.
4 black boxes for the number of seconds it takes puts the time of liquefaction at anywhere between 17 minutes and nearly 3 hours.
Yes, five black boxes could be four digits with a decimal point… or it could be a five-letter word, like "three", "seven", or "eight". Yay ambiguity!
Is this in any way similar to this SCP?
There are similarities, yes.
if your reading this your gay
So how many similar SCP for a new category to be made? Also is there anything anomalous with the acid? Wouldn't mixing an acid that is strong enough to melt metal cause a reaction? Would a "corrosive substance be a better term?
The concept is extremely creepy; it made me feel a little uncomfortable just reading it. Still, most of the expungement looks like you couldn't figure out what to put, rather than being there to let the reader take over. Neutral vote for now.
And if the whole world is crashing down… fall through space out of mind with me.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
