Part Four: Living Through Shattered Glass / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page Part Four: Living Through Shattered Glass.

rumetzen 22 Mar 2016 01:28

Apologies for the delay. A combination of visiting family and my own laziness prevented me from editing this yesterday. The next entry will still be arriving Sunday, March 27th.

The title doesn't have any particular meaning, honestly. I just thought of the phrase and thought it was nice.

This entry's arbitrary theme song is Sweat by Tool.

Thanks to all the standard people for looking at this.

Last edited on 22 Mar 2016 03:38 by rumetzen Show more

Agent MacLeod 22 Mar 2016 03:18

As with the previous entries, I enjoyed it, but saw a few typos. This story is too long for a full proofread on the kind of time I have right now but they're minor, so it's ok.

Disregarding the typos, the writing here is fantastic. Happily upvoted.

Drewbear 22 Mar 2016 13:43

I'm really liking this series so far. Poor Amy. She never asked for this shit.

Also, there appears to be a missing word after "impromptu" in the scene when she leaves the palacial room.

---

Giving bearhugs to the unsuspecting since 1872.

TL333s 22 Mar 2016 22:44

Cool. I like where this is going.

Tendrils of smoke began to rise from floor. He pulled an object from his object from his pocket and tossed it to her.

Something here went terribly wrong.

psul 30 Mar 2016 10:16

I'm quite enjoying this - I had expected that the idea of lots of running and bad guys around every turn would get stale after a while, but it hasn't yet.

Some typos:

Tendrils of smoke began to rise from floor.

From the floor

he wore khaki shorts and a blue pollo

Unless you mean a chicken, I think that should be a blue "polo".

“We’d hoped you’d arrive. Didn’t think I’d be so lucky though. Good thing our friends in the Library were so eager to trade information.

Needs a closing quotation mark.

It roared and fell upon its former comrades, tearing into them like a dog chewing

Either a full stop, or perhaps a noun to finish that simile.

Rupinder knelt by a corpse of a villages.

A "villager".