Second SCP. Hope you will enjoy, C&C appreciated.
SCP-757 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-757.
The wording is slightly awkward in a few places and I don't think the Foundation would allow anyone to eat one of these without some kind of practical or scientific justification.
Other than that, it looks fine to me.
Well, I think it'd get you a reprimand for ignoring regulations, but certainly nothing on the scale of a termination, particularly noting the built-in punishment in this case.
I agree that the invitation at the bottom should be removed.
There is a great deal of unusual phrasing in this article. Editing for clarification (in my opinion) would require extensive changes to word choice and sentence construction. I would be happy to submit a revised draft to the author for discussion.
Go ahead, I'd be glad to read it and adjust my article as needed.
I've edited the article. What do you think? (Feel free to revert, of course, if you dislike the changes.)
I'd just like to note that a pumpkin is not a fruit…neither is a watermelon, I don't think (I could easily be wrong about that one), which makes its inclusion a little odd. :)
There's still some wording and grammar issues present, too….
fruit (frt)
n. pl. fruit or fruits
1.
a. The ripened ovary or ovaries of a seed-bearing plant, together with accessory parts, containing the seeds and occurring in a wide variety of forms.
b. An edible, usually sweet and fleshy form of such a structure.
c. A part or an amount of such a plant product, served as food: fruit for dessert.
2. The fertile, often spore-bearing structure of a plant that does not bear seeds.
3. A plant crop or product: the fruits of the earth.
4. Result; outcome: the fruit of their labor.
5. Offspring; progeny.
6. A fruity aroma or flavor in a wine.
7. Offensive Slang Used as a disparaging term for a homosexual man.
intr. & tr.v. fruit·ed, fruit·ing, fruits
To produce or cause to produce fruit.
[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin frctus, enjoyment, fruit, from past participle of fru, to enjoy.]
Sheesh, alright, alright, I just thought pumpkins were more properly squashes, gourds, or vegetables, and seeing as how every other item the tree's grown could be called a fruit (Apples, oranges, kiwis, etc etc) it seemed out of place. It seemed to be the intention of the writer to only include things that are commonly called fruits. (Notice no tomatoes, peas, beans, peppers, despite otherwise fitting definitions 1a, 1b and sometimes 1c.)
Yeah, botanically speaking, it's a fruit if it develops from a flower's ripened ovary. Also, this is SCP: not everything has to make perfect sense. ;)
It has occurred to me to wonder: What effects (if any) would 757-1 produce if it entered the subjects body some way other than injection? Injection of the juice, administration of the juice as a nasal spray, a pulp or mash inserted rectally, etc. - it would be tested, if only because some sadistic researcher wanted to try and make a D-Class shit pineapples.
See, this is what happens when you try to type one word while thinking about another very similar word…
The last paragraph or so states that testing of the juice is pending. Other than that, no idea.
I like this - it's an example of an interesting SCP that isn't super harmful. It's curious, but I think it fits pretty well. It's definitely not something you want most people to get their hands on, and I can see weaponization potential. Imagine if it could be engineered to grow berries - like contact poison types.
That was exactly what I was thinking. Basically vomiting up a whole watermelon strikes me as a HORRIBLE experience, even or especially if it's not fatal.
Alright, this is far better.
The tone in this is pretty bad. Or some reason, it describes the fruits as being "distorted".
The concept could be expanded upon, and I'm not sure about the idea itself (a fruit tree that makes really good fruit, but makes an extra organ in your body and forces you to throw it up).
This is a call for review for this article.
Oh my goodness gracious how I wish I knew about this one earlier. This article is, to me, the epitome of a classic SCP: it's got a simple premise that conceptually is executed very well. It's equal parts whimsy, weird and even a little bit horror when you realize what the watermelon and pumpkin would actually entail in terms of the primary effects. It's charming, which is weird to say when talking about a fruit that, to put it simply, ruins your goddamn day.
Of course, it also falls prey to some of the pitfalls of classic articles. For one thing, the tone is just awful. The tone is very conversational, with non-clinical word usage and straight up goofy statements (because "Consumption of SCP-757-1 is not recommended", since consumption of any SCP is a common occurrence).
In particular is the containment procedures, which I admit hasn't been brought up in any of the other comments but stuck out to me so I wanted to bring it up. The procedures outlined are what I'd expect for a SCP in a highly populated area full of dumb people. This is on Foundation site, you can ease up on the guards a bit, we don't need 4 of them at a time! The general cleanup and stuff is okay, though.
Also, in a very minor nitpick of nitpicks, the slight compulsion aspect is kind of bleh to me, but that's just me personally. Here's some quotes from other users:
There is a great deal of unusual phrasing in this article. Editing for clarification (in my opinion) would require extensive changes to word choice and sentence construction. I would be happy to submit a revised draft to the author for discussion.
- Mulciber
> "approximately 11 feet tall."
That and the off tone make me not like this skip as much as I could have.
- UraniumEmpire
The tone in this is pretty bad. Or some reason, it describes the fruits as being "distorted".
The concept could be expanded upon, and I'm not sure about the idea itself (a fruit tree that makes really good fruit, but makes an extra organ in your body and forces you to throw it up).
-Accelerando
And of course, these are just my thoughts on the matter. I am formally asking any and all readers to look at this SCP and give some feedback on how it could be improved, any nitpicks you might have (and while I think this is mostly a tone issue, I definitely value any critiques on content as well).
I'd like to rewrite this SCP. The thing I'd most like feedback about is whether or not people want the effect/anomaly/backstory to say the same, or if they want to see them change slightly.
I, personally, don't think there's any need to change the anomaly itself. It's a good article marred by bad tone, and I can't see much of a reason to change more than is necessary to correct the tone problems.
What changes were you thinking of making?
None. I actually agree with you, but I was curious if that was the general consensus. I view a rewrite as an effort to make an article better in the eyes of the site populace, thus if a majority of people wanted some part of it changed, I'd make it happen.
Yeah, go ahead and do the update.
/forum/t-164412/scp-757#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
