DISCLAIMER: I am in no way qualified to give you green lights or feedback or whatever, and I really shouldn’t be the one to talk since I suck at writing, but I’m going to anyway.
I like the story you’re trying to tell. It’s obviously focused around grief, and it’s doing that pretty well. But there’s a few things I’d wanna give you feedback on. First of all, crossing out SCP-7231 with Jacob doesn’t really add anything to the article, and it’s a little jarring to look at.
Instead of this:
SCP-7231 Jacob is yada yada yada
I would do this:
Jacob is yada yada yada
It’s much less jarring on the eyes that seeing like a gajillion crossed out lines.
Secondly, you actually captured a good feeling of grief in the messages at the beginning and end of the article. Those last few lines actually made me feel something in my cold dead soul, but the article itself interrupts that feeling with the dry clinical tone. I know that it’s the foundation and all, and I wouldn’t want you to abandon the clinical tone of the article, but you could add a lil bit more to the article to add to that grief. Like a interview with Jacob, where he pushes out a few strained words on how much he misses Montauk. I feel like that would add a lot.
Other than that, I think this is really great, and I would upvote it if I saw it on the wiki, and take this with a grain of salt, because I suck at doing this kind of stuff. I’m just taking stuff from other articles I liked and applying it here.
Good luck!
