Draft Critique for Modified Article

Summary:

Teleporting vehicle, body horror SCP

Draft Critique for Modified Article

Wildman8 15 Sep 2023 21:11

Hello everyone. I posted a draft here a month or so ago. Based on the critique it received, I heavily modified it. I hope it's different enough that reposting it is valid (lmk if it isn't). I would like to hear some general thoughts on this version, which is now about 1,800 words including footnotes.

I will give a little synopsis of what I'm going for concept-wise in a collapsible below, so you can read the draft first and then see how much of it could be figured out during the initial read.

+ Spoilers

"Amonice" is wordplay based on the word "Ammonite". The ice pops are all depictions of ammonites without shells, hence the line "They're Naked, and They're Cold!". Each taffy rune variety connects to a different ammonite soul, all with simplistic yet widely varying personalities. When one is eaten, it possesses the tongue. The spirit then gradually transforms the head into a spiral shell, develops its own head on its tongue-body, and overrides the person's mind with its own. After 12 hours the shell is complete, and the ammonite ditches the body altogether in favor of swimming in the way they are used to, only without water. Amon is not human and is merely a vector through which the ammonites can reproduce. The cycle is perpetuated by their excretion of new spiritual taffy, which Amon uses to make new ice pops.

https://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/wildman8

Thank you all in advance!

Critique Team - Operational Staff Post

DrRevan 22 Sep 2023 05:22

Since this thread has been on the listing for a week without a reply yet, this is a quick general information post from staff for the author. If you are still seeking feedback on this material, please remember to contact reviewers directly to request critique (if you haven't already reached out).

This thread has information on reaching out to reviewers: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already contacted multiple reviewers and received no reply, feel free to ask a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.