New SCP
(account deleted) 27 Feb 2016 02:46
Nevermind. Don't need help anymore.
New SCP
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» New SCP
Summary:
Abandoning idea. Sorry for the trouble.
(account deleted) 27 Feb 2016 02:46
Not bad for your first. I don't see anything that could use fixing, but just wait for more posts to be sure it's good.
GTvsForza, this vague feedback doesn't really help an author with their writing. If you don't have any comments to make on how to fix the article, let them know what you liked about it, so they have a frame of reference for what they might want to keep if/when other people tell them to start changing things.
Is "not bad" the same as "good" to you? What about this article makes you think that it's "not bad"?
Okay, going to write some feedback. Comments made as I read.
Author, I recommend at this point that you hold off from posting. There are some issues that need to be addressed:
- Generally, the number (#) numeration is generally used for extreme precision measurements that can be fatal if misinterpreted, like drug prescriptions. You don't need to do that with whole numbers. Besides, the parentheses can throw off some readers, since it breaks the flow of the sentence.
- First you say SCP-XXXX is the containers, then you say it's the dust. Decide which it is and keep the article consistent.
- 10-centimeter-thick glass is pretty crazy for cylinders of those size. Double-check your measurements.
- You mention seals made of alloy before you even state that the cylinders are sealed. Introduce your information in a logical manner the reader can follow, so they can properly visualize the object.
- Watch out for vague descriptions like "generally shaped similarly to a claw". What kind of claw? For example, an eagle's claw is different from a bear's claw, and comparisons tend to be on the subjective side. Keep in mind that you as the author know everything that's going on, but your reader only has the text on the page. If the content doesn't give the reader a good idea of what the thing looks like, they're only going to get more confused the more you talk about it.
- "a tall, pale man with red eyes, and capable of telekinesis" sounds like a bunch of different anime characters. I'm pretty sure Naruto alone has at least five of them.
After the crater bit, I ended up skimming. The article wasn't particularly interesting to me because the same plotline of "alien craft crashes and people try to examine it and the pilot is alive and hostile!!" has been seen many times before in sci-fi.
Also, I'm not sure why there would be the "fake" Safe SCP followed by the "real" Keter guy when the vials of biological stuff aren't really anomalous, from what I could gather? Furthermore, why would the Foundation build an entire site on the crater, rather than having it fenced off under the guise of some archaeological dig or something?
I dunno. I feel like in the end, I have too many questions, and it just doesn't seem like how the Foundation would act in response to this sort of anomaly.
I only wrote out the numbers because it was driving me insane otherwise. I have this weird obsession with writing everything out in word form. Still, I see your point.
As for the rest, I felt the reader could infer that they were sealed. Then again, as I write this, I remember this is supposed to be a classified document, and information should be up to standards. Loose lips sink ships as they say. Thanks.
As for the last concern, I don't watch much anime, so I wouldn't know. Sorry. I only picked red irises because they weren't found naturally in nature, unless they have albinism. That actually gives me an idea I should write down somewhere…
Anyway, thanks for the feedback. I'll make some revisions.
On second thought, reexamining the idea has made me lose interest. I don't need critique anymore.
/forum/t-1622592/new-scp#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
