Heads up: I will make corrections to SPaG that I would usually keep to myself since you asked. Though I will keep it to the SCP draft and not nitpick your forum post since that seems harsh when you're writing casually.
SCP-XXXX is covered by a hemispherical dome
Made of what?
that is 450 meters in diameter.
This is extremely large, more on that later.
This dome is to decrease the temperature of SCP-XXXX and reduce its bubble emission.
I might rewrite this whole first bit as "SCP-XXXX is to be covered by a rebar and concrete dome 450 meters in diameter in order to decrease the effect of SCP-XXXX on the surrounding ocean."
Generally I see "to be" in containment procedures - I don't know the name for the tense (it's present tense in theory but more complicated) but usually I see them written like an instruction manual. The alternative is actual present tense which is like "SCP-XXXX is currently covered by a dome etc". That might be personal preference but I think it flows better than if you just say "SCP-XXXX is under a dome etc".
Hemispherical dome is redundant - all domes are hemispherical (or at least the default dome would be).
The phrase bubble emission is a bit awkward for reasons I find impossible to explain - call it intuition. I think "decrease the effect of SCP-XXXX on the surrounding ocean" is more mysterious and might hook a reader more. They want to know how it affects the ocean around it and so they read further.
This dome is equipped with a specialized hydrophone and receiver to communicate with SCP-XXXX-1.
Same as before I would say "is to be" or "the dome has been equipped", depending on if you are writing it as instructions or as a record of what has been done to contain it. I say "has been equipped" because saying "is currently equipped" so shortly after the previous would be an awkward repitition to read. You could also say a specialised intercom if you wanted to reduce word count in a small way.
Deep-sea diving and exploration are prohibited in the Alboran Sea to the public.
This sentence is constructed poorly I think - I would have ordered the words as "General public deep-sea diving and exploration are currently/are to be prohibited in the Alboran sea." Usually criteria of a verb are stored near the verb, and descriptions of the 'gerund' (type of noun ending -ing like diving) are similarly stored near the gerund. So either "public deep-sea diving" or "are prohibited to the public in the Alboran Sea"
Safety measures that warn of strong currents are to be enforced on all the beaches that are near the Alboran Sea.
You have mixed tenses here - where you initially were phrasing it as "currently there is a dome" now you are phrasing as "do this to contain this" which are the two options I talked about earlier. In this case you could phrase it like: "Restrictions are [to be] placed on beaches on the Alboran Sea, with the public being informed of dangerous currents."
I would say "safety measures" is too vague (I can guess what it means but the foundation tries to not be vague in my mind) and "to be enforced" can be cut out as it is assumed all of these safety procedures are enforced.
Warnings of trespassers passing the exclusion zone are to be faced with a $50,000 fine. Any photos or videos of SCP-XXXX are to be obtained and removed from the person's possession and to be given Class-A amnestics.
Here we encounter the first big round number - in this case it is fine because fines are usually set at a big round number, but remember this later on.
Warnings […] are to be faced with…
This would mean that the warnings themselves are faced with the fine. I would also wonder why the foundation would allow anyone to trespass at all anyway - It would be far better to put up a big fence and patrol it. If this is an Ehki-Critical anomaly, they can't take the risk that someone is going to interact with it.
Any photos […] are to be obtained and removed […] and to be given Class-A amnestics.
This makes it sound like the photos and videos have to be given amnestics. When you say "are to be removed from the person and be given etc" you are talking about the same noun - the photos and videos. I would suggest something like "Any public evidence of SCP-XXXX is to be suppressed. Photos and videos of the anomaly are to be deleted or destroyed and their creator amnesticized."
This will always be a "to be" statement as it is always giving instruction for what to do if someone takes photos or videos, it is not something that is currently happening no matter what style you are writing in (currently VS is to be). I don't personally like the classes of amnestics, especially for anomalies that do not have a memetic effect. There is no reason this needs any specific power of amnestic - just the standard, default memory wiper.
Entering SCP-XXXX is to be approved by a vote of the Overseer Council.
I would rephrase it as "Access to SCP-XXXX must be approved by the O5 council." but I am not 100% sure why. In the sentence "X is to be approved by Y" I think the first word has to be a regular noun and not a 'gerund'. I don't know why I think it is one of those silly english grammar rules.
I do know I would take out the "by a vote" because the O5 council only approve things by vote in most articles that I have seen anyway. It is what people assume when they read it.
I won't go through the rest with this level of detail because man it is a long article (not necessarily a bad thing)!! but here are things that particularly stuck out:
Description: SCP-XXXX is a hemispherical fire dome submerged 800 meters in the Alboran Sea between the coasts of Spain and North Africa. SCP-XXXX is 400 meters in diameter with the flames burning around 1000°C.
There are enough round numbers here that it breaks people's belief this is real - things in the real world rarely line up with precise measurements. You say "submerged 800 meters" - I would say that it might be better to phrase it as "a dome of fire sitting on the Alboran seabed, between 800 and 1000 metres under the surface" (because the dome is 200 metres tall as well as 400m wide).
The 400 metres in diameter is also probably too precisely a round number - I would try something like 365 metres personally, but since it is created by a human maybe they did it deliberately to a measurement? Either way, I would suggest looking up some references for how big 400 metres is - it is 4 american football fields, which means it takes about 50 seconds for a very fit person to sprint from one end to another. If you try sprinting for 50 seconds you will notice how far that is. It's fine but it could easily be a large dome with 100m diameter. But that is up to you.
They gathered other explorers to go and find the source of the heat. Tragically, they never resurfaced, and local news outlets covered the story to warn future divers not to dive around that area due to strong currents.
Get rid of tragically - the tone we are writing in is objective, which is basically heartless. I would also structure it as "… and local news outlets covered the story of the missing divers, attributing it to strong currents." because it is a bit too much of a long run-on sentence otherwise.
In 2003, a new group of explorers trespassed the hazardous zone and, this time, reemerged to tell locals that there was a star under the sea. Foundation agents administer Class-A amnestics to explorers and civilians and have them claim that they were hallucinating due to lack of oxygen.
I would remove the "this time" bit - just "….hazardous zone and successfully re-emerged. They then told locals…"
Also I would keep it all past tense - the second sentence should say "adminstered" and instead of "have them claim" I would say "fostered the belief that they were hallucinating…" (leaves it up to the reader to figure out how the foundation would do that) and also would say nitrogen narcosis instead of lack of oxygen - at that depth, it is likely and more sciencey sounding.
Unfortunately I can't go over the whole article with this much of a fine eye for detail because it is very long lol! I did enjoy reading it however. Some general points:
I like the idea though I do not feel it is enough of an idea to justify the length - the characterisation and dialogue is very nice but does not fit with what I think of as an SCP. But that is my opinion - this would work very well as a Tale but the line is blurred between tale and SCP.
A creature that grants wishes has been done before a lot and the concept of someone breaking foundation rules to get to it also has been done. However I do like the twist at the end that it is not like, a dude that looks like a normal human - that is what people assume when they read humanoid so it is cool that it is not true. The lack of description of XXXX-1 helps in this case to shock the reader at the end.
Personally to enjoy this more myself I would want to see more of the formal style of writing. The dialogue is great, and I would not suggest making it longer so I don't know where I would insert this, but I definitely got the sense that this was more of a story than an article. I think this would be an improvement because SCP articles in the list, usually I'm expecting an SCP article - I suppose I personally prefer shorter articles anyway, but long exploration logs are fine - as long as they still have foundation beaurocracy in between or at the end. Perhaps a closing statement in formal style like "Senior Researcher Blanca is designated a person of interest and is to be terminated on sight. The status of O5-4 is unknown. Further details are restricted to the O5 council."
I do agree you might be able to cut out the O5 council's dialogue sections but leave in the votes. Replace the dialogue parts with something like:
Senior Researcher Blanca submitted a request to the O5 council to test with D-class personnel. [vote result]
I feel like in universe they would not put O5 council transcripts in an article due to being very secret. I do like how they help characterise O5-4, though - maybe if O5-4 was the only O5 member that spoke directly to Blanca at the end,that could help with this, if the O5 logs are removed?
Disclaimer: I have my own opinions about the length of an article, and the style - some people will already absolutely love this article. there are more sections that need a bit of SPaG help but anything in dialogue can be partially excused as it literally is translated from Spanish in-universe and translations often sound a bit odd due to cultural norms etc.
