It's one of the relatively rare SCPs that don't have that much detail or sophistication yet remain interesting and intriguing. Elegant. +1
SCP-2667 / Discussion
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Well written but thoroughly disinteresting. The premise of statues that think independently is a pretty common trope, and I liked what was done here what in terms of the "we live startlingly close to you and we've been coming here for years" but it lacked the shocking twist or at least exotic resolution I anticipated. Don't get me wrong this could be reworked, and by the writing demonstrated in its current state reworked well, but it just couldn't rope me in.
I like the concept, but I was able to find at least 6 examples of unclinical tone and areas of improvement (which I will list once I get to a computer because I can't copy/paste on this god forsaken phone for the life of me), especially in the interviews. Once those things are fixed, I'd upvote. Gonna upvote in confidence these things will be fixed. I also liked the "Good day" in the translation, just a little detail that clicked with me (For those who don't know, in French, you usually greet people by saying "bonjour", which directly translates to "Good day")
*anxiously waits for an update
A further statue, SCP-2667-10, is broken into three pieces and lies near the entrance to the garden. They depict young women in relaxed poses, with fully sculpted facial features except no eyes are present.
The second sentence makes it seem as if "They" refers to the 3 pieces of -10. Might just be me, but I'd stick the first sentence in the quote at the end of the paragraph.
positioned to face the coast to the South, whereas SCP-2667-5 through 9 each face the entrance to the site.
It might help to tell us which way the entrance is from within the site.
These voices have always communicated in French regardless of the native language of the listener, and whether the listener is fluent in French at all.
This part is just awkward IMO, just say somewhere that they communicate in french, usually people will assume its the only language it's capable of unless it's said otherwise.
Electronic recording equipment is not affected
I'm assuming you mean that Electronic recorders do not register the sounds. In that case, electronics being specified, does that mean a Phonaugraph or something similar to that may be able to record it, or can animals hear it too?
I'm not much of a fan at all of the interviews btw. They just don't appeal to me. To me, the interviews are the inly thing stopping my upvote. Edit: Oh look, Decibelles agrees with me on this one.
Dr Gauthier: Alright. What should I call you?
SCP-2667-2: Our guide gave us a list of names in your language. Let me look at it again.
Um, unless there's some other fantastic language that only they know, I don't get the whole "Our names in your language" thing. Also, I don't think the Dr. (Assuming he works for the Foundation) would ask what to call them (Although it's in character enough to call them by name if the SCP requests it). Also, how do they check the name list? If they have it mentally or whatever, why did the statue need to mention looking at the list? Dr Gauthier should be Dr. Gauthier
My [unintelligible] wants to use this platform.
Platform? Explained by VincentI below.
I don't have the ability to accurately critique the other interview, so thats all for now.
I appreciate the feedback! I'll see how I can improve this using what you've suggested.
Platform?
I'm pretty sure he means that the customers are put into the statues to look around. It's a viewing platform. Like a console is a gaming platform.
I want to like it, but the interviews just seem to not live up to the potential of the idea presented. I can't figure out how to say exactly what's wrong with them, but they read somewhat awkwardly. So neutral-vote until they're improved, and if anyone knows how to put it in words better than I, feel free :P
Not terribly interesting, but this can be given an upvote of confidence. However, why censor the "eyes" of the statue?
Possibly because the customers use them to view, or maybe the author just really liked this picture.
I think what MrWrong tried to imply here (Correct me if I'm wrong) is that the censorship of the eyes could be used to create symbolism or just some sort of meaning, which would enhance the article.
i like the concept, the only problem is that I'm not exactly interested in it. No vote from me. Remember though, i don't like it, or hate it. But I want to like it!!!
Me like it. Me upvote.
Me have a few nitpicks though:
Ze biggest one: it's obvious that the interviewee of ITW 2 is not the same as in 1, so why are they both 'SCP-2667-2'?
Just a thought: if the conversations with the statues must all be recorded, why not mention in the containment procedures that the guards should have a recording device at all times, just in case no one else is around to record?
Any signs of change or movement in SCP-2667-1 through 9
You say nowhere that the statues can move?
You mention twice a 'site manager', whom to contact ASAP. How about giving a name? Dr Gauthier for instance…!
Just for fun: 12 ha of land on the coast in Provence. WOW. That must have cost an arm, a leg and a few other body parts!!!!
Is ████████, France the 'cité phocéenne'? <grin>
Oh, and you do realize that 12 ha is a huge piece of land, right? About 30 acres!
I agree with Gnago: the sentence re: SCP-2667-10 is awkwardly placed. At the end of the same paragraph would be much better.
they are capable of causing human subjects within ten metres to hear a voice that appears to be coming from the direction of the statue. Electronic recording equipment is not affected and the voice cannot be blocked by physical obstruction or covering the ears of subjects. These voices have always communicated in French regardless of the native language of the listener, and whether the listener is fluent in French at all.
Several things:
Sentence 1: coming from the statue, or coming from the direction of the statue? Direction of the statue could mean anything. Statue would be more anomalous! Not clear.
Electronic equipement not affected: I agree with Gnago again, not clear.
physical obstruction: it would probably be better to have this in a separate sentence. Not much to do with electronics…!?
Last sentence: you might want to get rid of the part from 'and whether…': the first part says it all.
What should I call you?
Considering that Foundation people do not call SCPs by their name (if they have any), it is strange that the Doctor would ask this first. I like the answer though, so perhaps move it further down the ITW? Or word it differently?
Is it another planet in this galaxy?
Mmh. Might just be me, but this reads strange… Like asking 'Which garden in the USA are you from?'! Why not simply 'Is it another planet'? But again, I like the answer…!
Okay. Apart from these nitpicks, I lilke the atmosphere of this piece, what you say, alllude to, and don't say at all, the mystery, the idea of statues being the receptacle for alien sightseers… And of course, I live in Provence, so my curiosity is titillated! May I ask where the picture was taken?
Yes. Good start. Upvote is already in, but I'd like you to work on it some more!
The photo is of a statue from the Jardin Botanique d'Éze, from a series of statues by Jean-Phillipe Richard :)
Thank you for the feedback! I'll see what I can do.
Feathersnake: nice! Looks like a beautiful place…
VincentI: I still think it's rather confusing…!
Ze biggest one: it's obvious that the interviewee of ITW 2 is not the same as in 1, so why are they both 'SCP-2667-2'?
The SCP-2267-2 number does not refer to the customer inside of the statue but the statue itself. He is talking to the same statue in both test.
This was not a particularly interesting concept for me, and overall I found the article to be quite bland. -1.
Additionally, why do you blackbox the location of the skip, and the dates of the interviews? When I was reading this article, I felt that you were mainly blackboxing for the sake of blackboxing, which is not a good practice to have.
/forum/t-1612879/scp-2667#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
