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So yah this is based of a Nightmare I had , upon which I hastily wrote down
I was in the middle of writing it when I realized it is a Human version of
Contagious Crystal
But I dont want to let it go , So maybe there could be some changes to it ?
Any Critique would be much apreciated with syntax and spelling . Also I am Talking about the 4th scp on my list http://scpsandbox2.wikidot.com/m
I like the premise of it but it needs some interviews or test or something.
VincentI, this feedback is both vague and unhelpful.
What about the premise do you like?
Why does it need interviews or a test or "something"? How would this additional material benefit the piece, and how should an author approach writing such supplementary content? Usually if an item is decent on its own, adding extra stuff can bog it down and make a reader bored.
Again, don't assume that the author automatically knows what you're talking about.
Since this is not the first time a staff member has had to address your feedback, VincentI, please refrain from giving any further reviews in the Draft Forums until you have written a successful post.
Yes sir, sorry. What do you mean by successful post?
Meant to say "successful post on the mainsite". You need to have written a piece that remains at a positive rating and not likely to be deleted.
Also, I'm female.
Okay due to the lack of relaveant responses
I have some Questions
IF I Posted this to the mainlist would it gget up voted or downvoted ?
If so why ?
and if it would get down voted , what changes could I implement ?
A few spelling and grammar issues I noticed.
SCP-XXX is too be kept…
is to be kept…
If SCP-XXX shows good behavior SCP-XXX requests for certain objects could be considered.
Comma after behavior. Also, it should be "SCP-XXX's requests", and I feel that "may" would work better than "could".
SPC-XXX's Clinical depression should be treated by an on-site child Psychiatrist .
Unnecessary space before the period, and neither Clinical nor Psychiatrist should be capitalized.
Requests to visit relatives are under consideration, but ill advised.
"ill-advised." Also, why exactly?
Is a teenager with the ability to spontaneously convert matter into into crystalline form.
should be "SCP-XXX is a teenager…" Also you have into twice.
SCP-XXX claims to not have control over it's anomalous abilities.
"It's" refers to it is, you "its".
SCP-XXX effects all forms of matter except for minerals displaying a Hardness of 9 on the Mohs Hardness Scale .
You have an unnecessary space after the period.
Analysis of the Crystals created by SCP-XXX show that they match the molecular make up of the previous save for the molecular structure that it now exhibits.
Should Crystals be capitalized? Also, I'm not entirely sure what this sentence is saying.
The crystals now referred to as SCP-XXX-1 have no anomalous properties themselves.
should have commas after "crystals" and 1.
SCP-XXX's Secondary effects include a condition similar to frostbite appearing on SCP-XXX's Skin , however this has been treated accordingly.
I don't believe secondary or skin should be capitalized here.
SCP-XXX had been recovered in a warehouse at [Redacted] ,Legal papers state that SCP-XXX was to be sold to Jewel manufac(turererereer) Not sure how to spell that, however SCP-XXX claims that a Step Father named █████ had forced SCP-XXX to generate samples of SCP-XXX-1.
Unnecessary space after [REDACTED] and the comma before Legal should be a period. Jewel shouldn't be capitalized unless its a company name. Also, its jewel manufacturer(s), depending on if its plural or singular.
Further Investigation has led to the conclusion that the the aforementioned Step father had been selling samples SCP-XXX-1 to various pawn shops and stores.
Unnecessary capitalization on investigation, "the" used twice, stepfather is one word and shouldn't be capitalized. "selling samples of SCP-XXX-1…"
As for your question, if you posted this as-is to the main site, it would not do well. Excluding all the stuff I fixed above, there's nothing engaging. Its a girl who randomly turns stuff into crystal. There's nothing here that makes me care about her (its) story. Try expanding on it, for example, try to answer some of these questions I had while reading though.
Who is she? Why is this happening? Is there a limit to the size of the objects she can turn? Does she have to come into contact with the objects to turn them? Can she affect living matter? Could she say, turn an entire city into crystal? Is it an instant affect or a gradual one? Can she turn herself into a crystal? Can she turn multiple objects at once or only one at a time?
I had an Idea that she could also Affect living matter so that led a Global Oculut coalition to attack her , but the way I wrote it she was waaaayyyy too OP for the Mainlist .But All and All I was stuck on the storytelling part of this .
Could she say, turn an entire city into crystal?
That was the nightmare I had
You could still use the full-powered version of her, but you'll need a story to go with it. Maybe her life is hell because of this power and she wants to be free (You'll probably need to develop exactly how it works, because you're a lot more restricted if its just "spontaneous."). Maybe she was a GOC experiment that really went overboard. Maybe the GOC and Foundation are fighting over her. Point is, it needs a story.
That said, I recently tried writing a powerful humanoid SCP and failed, so don't take my suggestions as gospel. Find a story that works for you, build you article around it, and toss it back up on the forums for more critique.
hmmm. good point , written down and logged , maybe next week I could get it down.
The "girl who grows crystals" thing sounds almost exactly like Guren from Naruto.
Also vaguely reminds me of the gems from Steven Universe and the (according to my friends' little sisters) crystal ponies from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.
Plus we've also got Contagious Crystal and butterflies made out of crystal that grow crystal on themselves.
Basically put, this idea isn't new, and you're probably going to have to put in a lot of work if you want this to work on the site.
Lol Im a Brony .
also I did think of that SCP-409 business
and at one point I thought the scp should be a crystal butterfly accidentally put through "THe Clockworks"
So yah I am trying rewrite it , i have some other ideas Thanks for feedback .
Hyperdrive rewrite engaged
at one point I thought the scp should be a crystal butterfly accidentally put through "THe Clockworks"
Then it would probably be in the article for the butterflies or SCP-914, not its own article.
Generally, when writing an SCP article, you want to have something that doesn't rely on another thing you didn't write. It's best if the work can stand on its own.
Some Scps work fine by using other SCPS to help add to the Skip like
Hand Drawn Cassie
Lovecraftian Locket
but, I see your point
I guess a story needs to get fleshed out before all the cross refrencing
Nothing to see here, folks. Move along.
Some Scps work fine by using other SCPS to help add to the Skip like
SCP-085 was first posted in July 2008, and SCP-427 in November 2008. Stuff that's almost eight years old on the site and written when it was first starting out isn't really the best example.
Furthermore, from the Cross-links section of the How to Write an SCP Guide:
How To Cross-link Right:
- Link to SCPs in SCP Series 2 and SCP Series 3.
- Think of it this way: You want people to read your SCP, right? And crosslink to it, maybe? And you're writing in Series 2 or 3 with the rest of the current writers, right? — Then why the hell are you only showing love to Series 1 SCPs?
- You can link to any SCP you want. But if you link to a Series 1 SCP, then you should consider also linking to a few newer SCPs.
- Make sure your article is interesting all by itself.
- Your article doesn't need to be a stand-alone, but it needs to be interesting even if the original article disappeared.
(account deleted)
