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Ah, battle royale games, constantly trying something new and having weird things tacked on at odd angles.
They sure can be fun, though.
After all, who doesn't want to get their hands on a nice Chicken Dinner? The sweet taste of victory.
Or maybe just formal integration into the Sarkic Mafia. That sounds like a pretty good prize.
Very good with the buildup at the beginning of the article, though a little reliant on knowledge of “future” events. I mean, after that, this article’s cool. The final log kept me interested throughout the entire thing, and the ending was… a bit inconclusive, but left interpretation open.
Probably the best Goblincon entry I've read so far.
Wait, I can do forum signatures?
This is just too literal of an interpretation of the theme for me, and the pacing is off. We spend a very, very long time setting things up before we actually get to a log of the games proper, and everything moves at a very slow pace. As a result I found myself bored trying to get to the good part, and by the time it came I'd lost most of my interest. I'm sorry, but this is a -1 for me.
This is amazing plus you could make some great tales with this also kinda feels like the hunger games
DOMINUS SOLANUM TUBEROSUM
Yes that's Latin for Lord Potato.
small text is bad for your eyes you know really? Did you know I don't like sweet potatoes?
I really liked every part of it here even if it was a very literal interpretation of the normal Battle Royale format (I particularly like the two GOIs that like to intercept Foundation documentation coming together like this) +1
The only thing that felt weird to me was the way the Footnotes just had the words with the link. Why not just link it in the text?
Personally, this doesn’t feel very VKTM. There are moments (like the ads bursting through the recorder) but mostly it’s a straight forward interpretation of Battle Royale – VKTM would never be so straight forward.
I’m going to echo Ori here and note that the set up should be changed. In fact, I don’t see why there’s so many designations. Make the anomaly the instance event, and just say people and animals are pulled through, then move on. So much time is spent on setting things up, you’ve set up the stakes to be big… but then it’s a series of first person reports. The agent had a body cam, but all we see is their daily deport summary.
I think you should cut the description by about 80%, and lean into the VKTM behavior.
If I decide on putting this back up after the comp/two weeks I’ll take your thoughts into account, and change accordingly.
He did lose the camera, but maybe I didn’t make that clear.
Any advice on furthering the VKTM parts of the article/ideas would be appreciated. So PM if you like.
Hmmm. I dunno. I have to agree with the ones who said the piece was way too much buildup for not enough pay. The buildup is over half the piece, and nothing felt particularly unique: If you know what a battle royale is, you understand everything about the buildup so there's no particular surprise there (The phone call was good though; liked that bit)
Then the exploration log happens and… Ehhh, it's… It's also very battle royale-esque in a very unoriginal way, I guess. I like the connection with the Black Lodge, but… I dunno. Maybe it's cuz I'm a fan of Battle Royale stories, but the pacing of the piece just isn't working here, and the overall story needs more work put into it. I think that, if the focus was more on the logs instead of the buildup, this could be looking better.
For now… Ehhh, it's a weak downvote, sorry. I think there's potential, but there's a lot bringing the piece down.
Alright, unsure if I’ll have this reposted after everything is done but I’ll try and take that into account if I do.
I feel like I might not have fully understood the prompt, didn’t know making a literal interpretation with the twist being other bits of the story was going to end up being as much of a problem as it’s seemingly been.
But the likelihood is I just didn’t do the best job. Would like to take another try at this eventually.
Wow, this is really good. While I do agree with some of the criticisms from Ori and Karpin, overall this was very well written. I also liked the bit with wondertainment calling in, and the multiple GOIs.
Only thing I dislike is the ending and not really finding out what happens to the contest "winners", just felt a bit of a cop-out. Also, the set up drags on. I almost clicked off because it dragged, but I'm glad I didn't because this was worth the read. You're writing is good but the structure of your story needs work.
Rating: 8/10 Stars⭐ (+1)
This was a good article. I actually did like the cliffhanger ending in regards to the fate of those who 'won' the contests; it ultimately leaves it up to the reader to imagine what their fates ultimately might have been.
(account deleted)