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hi! this was very painful to write!
…there was nothing in that moment i wanted to do more then beating the ever lovin' shit out of my step-father.
Corax, ParellelPotato, Uncle Nicolini, DrDapper, Ash the chaos demon, Fantom, Harmacy, ExiAsWell , scalykitty, Reverend Fox.
if I have missed any reviewers, please, please, please, contact me so I can add you ASAP. You all critiqued the hardest, and saddest tale I've written to date. Thank you.
kippah: Hebrew for a skullcap (commonly known as "yarmulke" [pronounced "yamaka"])
Shema[…]: prayer from Deuteronomy 6:4 (roughly translates to "Hear, O Israel, Adonai is Holy, Adonai is One!")
Adonai: another name for G'd. (roughly translates to "Lord", "Master", "Sovereign")
servitor: "[…]an entity 'specifically created by the magician to perform a set range of tasks.' " courtesy of Wikipedia
scapular: catholic religious item, believed to guarantee safety, and admission into heaven upon death
thank you for reading.
Edit: I did forget to credit a few reviewers!
Edit 2: Crom preview image is edited by me, and the original image is from here, both are released under CC-BY-SA 3.0
kofi: https://ko-fi.com/fairydoctor
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cash app: $fairydoctor
This was an absolutely fantastic and tragic read overall. I really enjoyed the use of colors and elements within the text to add emphasis to certain words and sentences. I think that was incredibly effective and did a great job at helping the piece hit for me emotionally. Great job!
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the piece ^_^
Whoa. Just… whoa. This is a phenomenal tale. As someone who is genderqueer (being genderfluid) myself, a lot of these beats hit close to home for me. I love the tale all the more for that. I felt the rage of Mordecai being deadnamed, the desperation of having someone on his side as he looked for Rose. I especially love the ending line.
Mordecai finally cried.
There was something so special in that line. His vulnerability in that moment. It reminded me of too many times where I felt weak. Unwanted. Unloved. Yet, I'm sure there was a bit of catharsis too. The feeling that even with those feelings, that he was done with their shit. That's something I've dealt with recently with my aunt.
While I'm not sure it was intentional, I love that this is what you ended with. Crying isn't typically seen as a masculine thing to do, but there is no shame from Rose, no self-judgement from Mordecai. Just pure emotion.
I applaud you, Fairy. You are an inspiration.
"Gimme a moment," he said to Rose. She nodded as her and Luke began to pick out desserts he wasn't allergic too.
I believe you meant to say "allergic to" not "allergic in addition to".
Edit made! Thanks for the read and I'm glad it resonated with you 🥺
Really great work! It was a deeply emotional piece, and I can't wait to see what you write next!
Thank you! I'm excited to write more Mordecai…More-decai…
love this piece, and i'm happy i was able to crit it!
I work at a research facility near Bay City.
oh hey i've been there
the emotion in this piece is palpable, and mordecai finally being able to be vulnerable at the end is a great payoff. i have the good fortune of not having to deal with transphobic relatives, but the broader feeling of being trapped in a place you don't wanna be with people who quietly hate you was very resonant for me. nice work.
I was gonna have "Lake City" be the stand in name for Bay City, but the city is…literally in the crux of Lake Huron. If I ever want to venture into On Guard 43 territory, I've already set it up.
Thanks for the read ^_^
I enjoy the perhaps unintentional theme (I'm talking site-wide, this could very well be entirely intentional by you but I think I have seen it arise naturally across the site without being agreed-upon or discussed before being executed) that queer people, marginalized people, get to have the magic, because they are, by society's standards, Behind the Veil. The Veil is the veil of normalcy, and normalcy is culturally defined. Social consensus. Marginalized groups exist outside of the realm of normalcy… and what else does? Magic. Gamers Against Weed carries this theme heavily, but I think I see it crop up in many places. S&C Plastics' … I forget her name, but the thaumaturge, comes to mind. I don't think Wondertainment or Herman's Circus come off as entirely straight to anyone — not when they're each being zany, in any case.
I like it. This carries that theme well. Mordecai has something these people don't, and it's not because gay is magic, but because if you've seen behind the curtain for one thing, you might become privy to others. Mordecai sits comfortably behind the curtain, and thus has more know-how to employ to fight off the close-minded. I like it.
+1
unintentional theme
Very much! Your analysis is very thorough and is giving me something to consider moving forward with this character.
but because if you've seen behind the curtain for one thing, you might become privy to others. Mordecai sits comfortably behind the curtain, and thus has more know-how to employ to fight off the close-minded.
I'm honest to G'd tearing up.
Thank you for the read, and I'm glad you enjoyed it 🥹
I can't begin to know what the feelings Mordechai, and you, have felt, but through this tale I think I felt a fraction of the anger, the sadness, the despair that comes from being rejected the people who should love you no matter what. It's masterful writing, and I only wish you didn't have to go through the your own pain to write it.
-T.H.B.
but through this tale I think I felt a fraction of the anger, the sadness, the despair that comes from being rejected the people who should love you no matter what.
I'm over the moon to read this! I wanted this story and experience to be comprehensible and relatable to as much as the audience as possible. Hence me being non-specific about the hate Mordecai was receiving. (Do the specifics matter? Absolutely. Does the presentation matter in conveying the overall concept of bigotry and hate crimes? Yes.)
I only wish you didn't have to go through the your own pain to write it.
Same but there is importance in surviours vocalising their experiences. And besides, Chumbawumba made one of the best albums of all time (Tubthumping) sadly, it had to be born out of the result of incredible political turmoil in the early 90s. (Their last song in the album addresses this in an act of self-awareness, very good album.)
For the better, I'm alive to tell the stories.
So I can’t relate much with this character . Many of the aspects that I should connect with I can’t as I haven’t experienced them. Despite this I still connected with the story as a whole, I still felt what the character felt, and I still came out of it quite emotional. This story is truly a testimony to your skill as a writer, because despite the fact I couldn’t connect with many of the aspects of the character I still connected with the story.
Another great thing about this is now a days people are desperate to add gay/trans/or other modern gender identities/preferences to their story. This often results in it feeling forced and unnatural. This story wrote it in perfectly and made it feel natural.
My only real suggestion would be making the warning text a brighter shade of red as I struggled to read it with the dark background. (I have some vision issues.)
Best Wishes!
-AGrimChild
Your feedback has been implemented, the red is now redder.
Thank you for the read and input!
because despite the fact I couldn’t connect with many of the aspects of the character I still connected with the story.
My job here is done o7
I can feel the personal nature of this piece. The events feel torn from real life. The dialogue is spoken with a rage that feels like something you as the author wish you had said long ago. The personal nature of this piece works entirely to its benefit, as the emotions are raw and fantastic. Excellent, excellent work.
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