[Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

[Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

LuniTG 16 Feb 2023 14:23

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre (Optional): Other (I don't think it fit any of the categories very well)

Elevator Pitch: Anomalous incandescent light bulbs have been discovered across the globe, each possessing unique and dangerous properties that threaten the safety of the world's population.

Central Narrative: The Foundation is alerted to the existence of an anomalous incandescent light bulb after a series of disappearances in an abandoned manor in Canada. Upon investigating the site, Foundation agents find that the light bulb appears to be the cause of the disappearances, as anyone who interacts with it vanishes without a trace.

Further investigation reveals that this is not an isolated incident, and that there are multiple anomalous light bulbs scattered throughout the world, each with its own unique effect. Some cause individuals to experience vivid hallucinations, while others generate dangerous levels of radiation. The Foundation quickly mobilizes to contain the bulbs and prevent them from causing further harm.

+ Open

As the investigation progresses, the Foundation discovers that the light bulbs are not random anomalies, but rather part of a larger scheme. A mysterious group known only as "The Collectors" has been acquiring and distributing the bulbs, and appears to be using them for a sinister purpose.

The stakes are raised when members of the Foundation's Mobile Task Force begin to disappear after encountering one of the anomalous light bulbs. The race is on to uncover the Collectors' plan and put a stop to their operations before the Foundation and the world as a whole are plunged into chaos.

Along the way, the Foundation encounters a variety of characters with personal connections to the anomalies. These include a scientist with a history of studying anomalous light sources, a Mobile Task Force member with a unique vulnerability to one of the bulbs, and a civilian who has lost a loved one to the Collectors' schemes.

Through their investigation, the Foundation learns that the Collectors' ultimate goal is to use the anomalous light bulbs to create a massive "blackout" that will plunge the world into darkness and chaos. The Foundation must stop the Collectors and contain the dangerous anomalies before it's too late.

Additional Notes: I want not only a greenlight but also review on my writing and anomaly idea, as even now I think the idea may not suffice the creativity thirst of this wiki.

Last edited on 10 Mar 2023 13:40 by LuniTG Show more

Critique Team - Captain Post

Zyn 20 Feb 2023 07:22

Since this thread was on page 6 of the forum listing with no feedback yet, this is a quick general information post from staff for the author. If you are still seeking feedback on this material, please remember to contact reviewers directly to request critique (if you haven't already reached out).

This thread has information on reaching out to reviewers: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

If you have already contacted multiple reviewers and received no reply, feel free to ask a staff member for assistance finding a reviewer.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

OriTiefling 24 Feb 2023 19:13

Right now the idea feels a bit random and unfocused to me. At the core this is a thing that makes people disappear. You can work with that concept, but it needs more fleshing out. You're trying to flesh it out with the MTF investigation, but I don't necessarily see the point to that investigation. By that I don't mean "I don't get why an MTF is investigating", I mean that from a narrative perspective that investigation doesn't seem to accomplish much to help establish/build a story. We discover more lightbulbs, but we don't seem to get any revelations regarding their purpose or where people are going. The threat also feels arbitrary, with the escalation happening because these things keep randomly appearing without much rhyme or reason. Right now it feels like you're trying to build up a scale/threat that the object just can't support. A few questions for you-

Why lightbulbs specifically? Would anything about this change conceptually if it became pieces of candy or chairs? I ask because lightbulbs are a hyper specific thing to make this item without much narrative reasoning behind it.

Who are your characters?

What is your central conflict?

How do your characters get involved in that conflict?

How is that conflict resolved? What discoveries are made?

What do you want your readers to walk away thinking or feeling?

This narrative needs more focus overall, I think.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

LuniTG 24 Feb 2023 19:23

Thank you for the feedback, I'll edit the idea with the questions in mind, thanks alot!

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

LuniTG 06 Mar 2023 14:52

I've made some changes to the narrative, could you give a read?

Re: [Seeking Greenlight] The Vanishing Light bulbs

Zyn 13 Mar 2023 06:41

There is a lot of descriptive content in the narrative section that should be in the elevator pitch. Furthermore, the sentence structure in some sections does not match that of the others.

Did you use an AI to generate part of the text?

Last edited on 13 Mar 2023 06:41 by Zyn Show more