The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

Naethan 16 Feb 2023 10:06

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Elevator Pitch: When is a chocolate beverage considered milk? Who cares! It tastes yummy. …Hey, I think the world should be FILLED with this milk dude—

Central Narrative: An SCP based loosely on Yoo-Hoo milk in a can. When ingested, the non-dairy chocolate drink gives the individual a boost of dopamine and extreme energy for ~6 hours at the expense of:

— Diarrhea,
— Increased Docility ( peaceful behavior that doesn’t match the subject. )
— Addiction
— Gradual worship of SCP-XXXX

The milk can regenerates it’s liquid after a while and reseals itself, and side effects can be neutralized with a cup of almond milk. Ironically, no other milk seems to work besides it.

Found in a public high school, a group of seniors snuck into the cafeteria lunchroom and found some chocolate milk that hadn’t been served to students. About 15 cans were boosted from the lunchroom and was passed between 30 different seniors. After a few minutes, the teens grab the rest of the cans of milk and chug them.

Eventually a Yoo-Hoo ( the name will be committed in the article. ) cult is formed with a ( not so peaceful ) need to replace water with the chocolate drink and eventually rule the world.

+ show block

However, one of the cultists who began the drink resurgence was told by their mother to have something to go with their cereal the day after. Regretfully, the only milk they had that was not the delicious chocolate drink was vanilla almond milk. Begrudgingly, this kid becomes one of the people to snap out of the cultish ideas ( thus, making them one of two main characters. )

I’ll be doing this story in the perspective of a researcher, talking to a non neutralized SCP-XXXX victim, interviewer to interviewee style. It’ll likely end with a breach of the Site in question, due to one of the cans of milk being missing. Not due to a fumble on an MTF agent, though, but a simple mislook as another child took one home to split with her sibling.

Hook/Attention-Grabber: A chocolate drink that could potentially disrupt the entirety of the world just because a group of people REQUIRE it to be tasted by someone at least once before being told they don’t like it.

Additional Notes: Would this SCP be better as a joke SCP or could it be classified as a non joke one? Where could I go from here?

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

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good night, dear prinve.

Last edited on 17 Feb 2023 06:55 by Zyn Show more

Re: The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

Naethan 16 Feb 2023 20:30

edit: added some more depth to the story idea !

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good night, dear prinve.

Re: The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

Lesnotfound 16 Feb 2023 13:54

I'm not a pro, but it depends on how many peeps find it fantastically weird enough.

Critique Team - Captain Post

Zyn 17 Feb 2023 06:45

Lesnotfound, to better help the author here, can you elaborate? Your current review is rather generic and could essentially apply to any critique thread in this forum, without clear indication of whether you read the material or not.

What specifically did you like about this concept? Why? Do you think any changes need to be made? Why or why not?

For more information on giving critique in this forum, please see this thread: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-9804362/so-you-want-to-be-a-concept-reviewer

Re: Critique Team - Captain Post

Lesnotfound 17 Feb 2023 08:55

I think it should be a regular SCP due to qualities that can disrupt the world's safety, it is too serious to be a joke.

"The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult" FEEDBACK

Themisinanis 16 Feb 2023 15:32

NAETHAN,

+ EXPAND REVIEW

Reviewing what you have so far, it looks like you've got a quality concept with a strong start to your narrative that'll help you avoid the "thing that does a thing" trope as you move forward. That's good! However, you could definitely give a little more specific, distinctive information to ensure your article stands out to your audience. Who are we supposed to be following in this story? Who are the main characters? Really flesh them out and give the reader some substance to latch on to when reading your article. What are their names? What are their goals? What are their relationships with each other?

Secondly, you have a handful of underdeveloped plot points that I'd really like to hear you expand on further. How are almond milk's neutralizing effects discovered? What do increased docility and extreme energy look like for the students and any consumers of the product? What's the conclusion/resolution? How does your concept connect to the Foundation and what is their role in this story? These are all key details you should be thinking about when developing your concept and, eventually, proposing your draft. You're writing a classified file; knowledge is extremely important.

To answer your question, though, posing your article as a joke or non-joke SCP really depends on the feeling and atmosphere you want to build with this concept. Taking a look at the overall theme of the article and your writing style, it looks like you're headed for some level of comedy. However, I can also see this being a very genuine article grouped with the same comedic undertones you've evinced thus far. Generally speaking, if you want this piece to be very humoring, lighthearted, and generally less tonally proper, you could absolutely think about making this a joke SCP. I'd suggest you take a look at modern joke articles and see if the structure is something you'd be interested in and, of course, get the opinion of a veteran critter.

As I said, these are just a few suggestions to get the gears turning. Remember: you have no word limit when responding to critters. Use that to your advantage and expand on this idea as the opportunity is provided to you.

If you'd like to continue discussing the contents of your concept or would like a more thorough breakdown of your text, don't hesitate to PM me at any time. Please note that I am just a passing critter and it's still your responsibility to reach out to the Butterfly Squad on your own if you're looking for greenlights.

REGARDS,
EVAN.

Re: "The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult" FEEDBACK

Naethan 16 Feb 2023 20:18

Thank you so much for your feedback! It’s given me a whole bunch to think about going forward, and I’m thinking the next thing I should do is ask one of the Butterfly Squad members to critique before heading on with drafting.

This is my first time crafting an SCP and I’m rather glad people are enjoying the concept!

Usually, I begin character designing and plotting whenever I have a full premise, and thanks to you I think I have a clear path on what I should do next :)!

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good night, dear prinve.

Re: The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

Zoobeeny 17 Feb 2023 03:33

Summoned via PM.

Got Milk?

This is actually a rather interesting(?) idea. I think the idea itself has some potential. There are, of course, problems, which I shall now lay out.

You don't really have a narrative. You've kind of explained the plot beats, but they're mostly there to show how the SCP works rather than any actual narrative.

In particular, a narrative needs, at the bare minimum, three things: Character, Conflict, Conclusion.

Character isn't just names and an identity, it also refers to personality and goal. Who are the characters? What do they want? What are they going to do to get what they want? How does this tie into the SCP?

Conflict isn't just a problem. It's specifically the obstacle in the way of the protagonist's goal. So, for your SCP, what is the character's goal, and what's stopping them from achieving that goal?

Conclusion is how the conflict is resolved. Is the conflict overcome? Is it sidestepped? Is it too hard for the protagonist to overcome at all? In any of this situations, you need to to explain just how the conflict is resolved.

Idea Specific Crit

In regards to the idea itself, I, again, think it's quite neat, but I'd remove a couple anomalous effects since they're not really necessary and may actually be a detriment to the article.

1. Docility. Not something that's really needed and I don't actually see this ever pop up in your explanation of the SCP's abilities or anything, so I think this one is actually just useless.
2. Addiction. This doesn't need to be an anomalous effect, that can literally just be people seeking out that dopamine rush. Makes this more grounded rather than contrived.
3. Worship. Again, this could just be the effect of a dopamine rush and something that makes people want to share it with their friends.

Honestly, this whole piece can technically function as an allegory (or a straight up reference) for drugs, but there's no real reason to go that far unless you really want to.

So, ultimately, neat idea, couple of things that you don't really need anomalous-wise, but you really do need a solid narrative or this will just end up being "a thing that does a thing".

Re: The Yoo-Hoo Milk Cult …apparently

Naethan 22 Feb 2023 10:54

Thank you for your critique! ( And, apologies for the extremely late response! )

My first thing I’ll speak upon ( and the elephant in the room ), was the lack of narrative. I am currently trying to figure out to clean up the story concept, make characters and bring upon the narrative.

I had an idea the non neutralized SCP-XXXX being a rough and tough bully/class clown who was placed in detention and is on the verge of expulsion. They eventually become said cult leader of the chocolate drink after stealing from the milk crate that was in the cafeteria.

I’d like to think the conflict itself is the school staff fighting off the chocolate milk driven high school kids before the Foundation ultimately steps in. The school goes and gives in to the group of kiddos demands and goes for chocolate milk, but it’s chocolate almond milk, not SCP-XXXX, therefore bringing the cult to it’s knees.

Now, for the anomalous effects; I think I’ll tone down and potentially change the effects, but at one point I’d like the hivemind mentality.

Thanks, again, for the assistance.

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good night, dear prinve.

Last edited on 22 Feb 2023 10:55 by Naethan Show more