ROUNDERHOUSE's Jade Proposal / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page ROUNDERHOUSE's Jade Proposal.

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Rounderhouse 12 Jan 2023 23:56

We're going back.

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When Gold was posted a little over a year ago, I knew I wasn't gonna be able to leave the story there. But I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to follow it up. I wasn't sure then, and I wasn't sure when I began writing Jade in May. In fact I was pretty fucking terrified throughout, because I was riddled with anxiety that it wouldn't stack up. Gold was basically a first draft, lightning in a goddamn bottle, a home run on the first try. I couldn't fathom doing that again. I resolved to make this a smaller joint — a sophomore slump, just enough to get the story done. Nothing ambitious, nothing big. Just a quick exploration of the Daeva, in and out, ten minute adventure.

Boy, did I fuck up.

This ballooned from a 10k article to twice the length of my previous longest (and its prequel). Through the writing process, my fear was that it would be a retread of Amoni-Ram, both conceptually and plot-wise. When I came up with a draft, the first thing I asked every critter was whether it's a suitable successor to Gold. So far, everyone has agreed it is. I hope you find it nearly as satisfying.

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I'd like to thank all my friends and readers that helped and enabled this behemoth get to where it is. This is 45,000 words — comfortably within the realm of a novella, and it seems only appropriate to highlight each of their contributions. In no particular order:

• HarryBlank (Bury The Survivors) — Harry's willingness to LBL this is a major reason it's not an incoherent mess right now — well, as much of an incoherent mess. He was incredibly helpful in making sure the concepts in my head translated to paper in a way the readers could understand. Now that I've made you read my book, read his book. It's good.
• pr0m37h3um (SCP-6511) — For being an incredibly supportive presence through the entirety of the writing and critting process. Pandora is named in Prom's honor and modelled off her, which should give you a clue to how significant she was to this article's development.
• Ralliston (Jäger, Part 1) — For also LBLing this at the very real cost of his own sanity. Sorry buddy, congrats on the hundred articles!
• Trintavon (SCP-7962) — For pointedly harassing me for several months throughout the writing process for this, ending up a major part of the motivation for completing it. Not to mention liveblogging Gold and it during his critique reads, which were downright invaluable.
• Captain Kirby (The Nuclear Option) — For being the one person I could reliably turn to to tell me why my shit sucks. The article, and Gold, would be much weaker if it weren't for your valuable contributions. Bastard.
• Fishish (Haunt Me, Haunt Me, Haunt Me) — For blowing through this in like an hour somehow wtf
• Tufto (Foundation of Nomads) — For your kind words and support after writing Gold, and your invaluable support after I showed you this draft, expecting you to be disappointed, and then you lavished praise on it instead lol
• Grigori Karpin (Simply Creative People) — For being pedantic enough about Gold that my first thought while writing Jade was "how do I address Grigori's concerns", lol. I was incredibly happy when you were not only satisfied but impressed with my portrayal of the Daeva — that's when I knew I had it.
• Mr Carbon (MTF Theta-90 Hub Page) — For being a crotchety old man who crotcheted about missiles until I fixed the article
• Also wouldn't hurt to thank every single person that yelled, bitched, complained at, or harassed me to finish this damn thing so you could read it. Couldn't have done it without you! Also ty to niram for creating the excellent Sarkic Chants that I basically had on repeat while writing this. Yeah, I used Sarkic chants for a Daeva article. Bite me.

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LOREPOINTS THAT I COULD NOT JUSTIFY KEEPING IN THE ARTICLE

• the Daeva's sacrificial, murderous nature was inspired in part by their belief that their souls would live on — killing the physical body was an act of mercy
• their strange many-legged beasts were inspired by/the inspiration for the uchchaihshravas of Hindu mythology
• the depiction of Captain Thakkar in this is a direct reference to the Archival series from Departmentcon ft ARD, Taff, and Hippo
• the mountains north of Mamjul were the site of one of the most destructive battles of the war with the Three-Prong Army — you might recognize one of them as Everest.
• the GOC wiped out 95% of the world's reality benders in the 20th century, which is why they're basically unheard of for the REDTAPE Foundation.
• Hedvig is not dead. Not yet.

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BONE PROPOSAL 2024 STAY WOKE

EDIT 3.15.2023: thanks for 200! enjoy waiting 5 years for the above

Last edited on 10 Sep 2023 06:15 by Rounderhouse Show more

+1 because JADE stuck

Trintavon 12 Jan 2023 23:58

winning

Jade Proposal

It is hard to overstate how much I enjoyed this read. It would be harder, still, to articulate how impressed I was by every single aspect of it, especially as a follow up to Gold. It is a golden successor, a piece of art that takes every element of the piece before it and improved upon every single one while still managing to work cohesively to create a god damn wonder of a story. I guarantee that, in no way, will this comment praise it as much as it deserves, but I'll be damned if I don't try!

So, what's to love? In short: Everything. To be a bit more explicit, however…

Rounder is a well written and practiced author and holy shit does it show. Every sentence of this piece weaves between one another like a tapestry of beauty, a skill which he uses to present us with grandiose descriptions of a beautiful, yet-desolate sunken city whilst simultaneously being able to present much more metaphorical and poetic texts through the song of the Daeva that sound very much like a grand historical novel that would have come from ancient Greece, or the like. It pulls you in and immerses you, dragging you deep into an ocean of beauty that feels so alive and real, and you can't help but want more.

Not only that, but the characters feel so organic and well defined that each time they make a decision their choices not only feel realistic, but they feel true to who they are presented to be. Nothing feels forced; every piece and character presented flows meaningfully into and through one another. That alone is worthy of a ton of praise, but Rounder takes it a step further by giving these characters excellent growth, from Galanis resigning because she refuses to be pawn to Greaves who chooses to become one with the Scarlet Maharaja because he truly believes it must be done to save the Foundation and the help protect the world against the war that is to come.

Everything from start to end is a masterpiece. Every scene is meaningful and leaves a lasting impact throughout the piece. The pacing is fierce, with a nice and slow buildup that quickly crescendos into much more action and intrigue before concluding in a scene with an impressively grand depiction of "touching god," not to mention an equally as impressive twist of an ending that makes so much sense while also feeling like a grandiose, earned reveal of its own. I genuinely struggle to find the words to praise this, because there is so much to love and to list out everything would be to write half a novel of my own.

Everything here is masterful. Everything here is amazing. Everything here is so perfectly enjoyable that I am so glad to have got to have read it early. This is a piece born from the heart of a passionate writer, and you should be more than proud to have created such an incredible masterpiece of fiction to succeed the already amazing Gold Proposal. You did real good here, Rounder.

Last edited on 21 Jan 2023 07:18 by Trintavon Show more

JackalRelated 13 Jan 2023 00:02

JADE SEX PROPOSAL

Rounderhouse 13 Jan 2023 05:14

go to hell do not pass go do not collect $200

Roufhous 13 Jan 2023 00:02

A good day indeed.

pr0m37h3um 13 Jan 2023 00:05

Honored to be a part of this from inception to fruition! Watching it come together piece by piece has been a long process, but one I would participate in all over again.

Rounderhouse 13 Jan 2023 05:14

Your contributions can't be overstated. Thank you for your support, prommy

+1

Fishish 13 Jan 2023 00:05

You love to see it

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Every day, I write my silly little words and plot my silly little plans.

+1

JakdragonX 13 Jan 2023 00:07

Fantastic work, Mr. Rounderhouse. This truly captivated me until the very end

Re: +1

Rounderhouse 13 Jan 2023 21:11

thank you for reading, even if it was last-minute!

Mr Carbon 13 Jan 2023 00:12

I gave you most of my thoughts during crit, but to reiterate the important bit: this is really nice, and a worthy sequel to the Gold Proposal.

tl;dr: v good skip missiles/10

HarryBlank 13 Jan 2023 00:38

My partner in length-crime, you have done a great service for the cause of stories that just won't quit. There's a fearlessness in taking the time to build something up like this, trusting that you've got the chops to keep the reader's attention while you set your pieces moving and establish your settings and characters. Naturally, of course, you're right — you're operating at your very best here, and your very best is a terror to behold, particularly when you've put the work in to this extent. For impactful reveals, revelations, triumphs and failures, there's nothing quite like having the force of all that preparation behind you. This article is a monument to the power of preparation, both within it and outside of it; the brief return to Amoni-Ram, if only in spirit, provides a sense of nostalgia that is fully earned by the effort it took to write GOLD and the effort it took to make JADE a worthy successor.

And it is a worthy successor. Where GOLD was punchy, even at its own impressive length, JADE is about meticulously constructing a scenario, setting a mood, telling us who people are outside of this event and showing us how this event will change them. We have more time to settle in, and we know that it'll be worthwhile to get to know everyone because we're indulging in a novella's worth of exploration and adventure. We get a stronger sense of who Galanis is before they encounter Mamjul and Korar than we did with Aram and Nussbaum entering Amoni-Ram, and we're conditioned to expect certain things from their journey. What we get is a hybrid of things expected and unexpected; in each case I felt myself pleased to be proven right and wrong, as though you knew precisely which things I saw coming I'd have been unhappy to not get, and which things I saw coming would have cheapened the experience if I'd gotten them. The twists in this article were deeply gratifying, and the things I discovered often caught me so much by surprise that I felt silly saying them out loud to you in crit, in case I was wrong. There were some incredible oh shit moments, most notably the dreamlike procession into Korar which ranks among my favourite passages on the wiki.

Whether intentionally or not, you set yourself a test with this piece. The shadow of Amoni-Ram hangs over the characters in the story just as it hung over you while you wrote said story, and you didn't shy away from that. You bring it right into the narrative and confront it, and if this was a pale reflection of that earlier triumph, the references to the first chapter would only serve to accentuate flaws in the second. But that's not what happens, of course. What happens is we look back on the first chapter fondly, we keep its themes in mind as we move forward, and we feel how much of an expansion and improvement this piece is on its predecessor. You passed the test; it remains to be seen whether your characters will pass theirs, but it'll be fun finding out.

Excellent character work, steady and confident pacing, outrageous amounts of style, and beyond the impossible: topping the GOLD Proposal. I'm wracked with anticipation to see how all of this ends, and if it doesn't all end in a physical book I can purchase, I'll be very cross indeed.

You done real, real good birthday boy.

Rounderhouse 13 Jan 2023 06:10

Lots, lots of kind words here, far too many for me to thank you for each one. But still: this is a highly enjoyable heap of praise, and that's on top of what you already lavished on it during crit. Thank you a boatload, Harry — the article really wouldn't be what it is without you.

basirskipreader 13 Jan 2023 02:08

jesus christ. good story. love the reveal. i cried at act v, i marveled at act i, i timed ITCotCK so the crescendo hits at act v, overall an amazing piece that slowly brands on you. theres thematic shit i need to stew on, where if the mekhanites represent metalworking, adytum represents the flesh, and the daevites represent plant life, what does BLACKSTAR represent? is it power incarnate? is it the urge to dominate? surely BLACKSTAR is rooted in some physical representation, like those three religions, yet at the same time, the sea people were more known for their waves of conquest, so what physical representation does the BLACKSTAR have?

Spoilers for ROUNDERHOUSE JADE PROPOSAL

i love how this tackles the question of "what do you do after the unabomber founded your worst enemy" and their solution was "to make a convenant with your worst enemy." the reveal that 1. the three-pronged army killed(?) their god in a way ion didn't, 2. that they used their god to take down the others, and 3. that they currently survive in the form of the foundation just. blew me away. a part of me wants to say that BLACKSTAR represents control/suppression, or at least that millitant version where anything abnormal is suppressed and covered. This semi-lines up with the MO of the BLACKSTAR, where traces of this magical version of humanity are erased and buried for a more mundane version of the world. if i were to guess their physical representation it would be laws and the government, this lines up with the powers of the BLACKSTAR, where its primary power is to damnatio memoriae civilizations, because if you think about it, the foundation logo resembles seals on envelopes, right? like it looks like something you would seal something into, and suppression is the metaphysical representation of the BLACKSTAR, such as the mekhanites represent science, and the daevas represent nature's balance, and the nalkans represent life

Overall good read. ur act v header as of 2023/01/13 is broken on mobile tho, so big L to you. +1

+1

inky_night_sky 15 Apr 2023 03:00

I don't have a hell of a lot to say that hasn't been said already, but I just wanted to say that I would die for Pandora Galanis. Also, this entire canon has greatly revitalized my interest in SCP as a media universe and I'm probably gonna try my hand at my own articles in the coming months. Bravo to you ROUNDERHOUSE, #BoneSweep2024

Re: +1

inky_night_sky 15 Apr 2023 03:01

Woops, didnt mean to post this here, mods please delete

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