[SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

Summary:

A World War II Bunker that negatively effects people who go inside of it.

[SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

Aethernaut-Z 10 Jan 2023 01:03

Seeking Greenlights: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Page Layout: Alternate Header, Containment Procedures, Description, One Collapsible Document

Elevator Pitch: It's a German WWII Bunker that was discovered by the Foundation that through an event that spans across four stages eventually kills a person, it can only kill one person at a time, and doesn't effect everyone. It basically summons German soldier by the last stage that will attack, and kill an individual that can't be fought. The final paragraph of the description explains when it was discovered.

Central Narrative: It's a basic SCP Article based heavily around early Series 1 SCP's with not too much to read, but through the small read; all the information you need to know to understand it is shared.

Additional Notes: This is my first SCP, I have other ideas that include more story elements, but I wanted to use this one for my first post.

Re: [SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

Mr Maryot 11 Jan 2023 12:35

It's an interesting idea. To make a better review I would like you to give me more information or give me a sandbox. Send me in PM (Private Message).

Critique Team - Captain Post

Zyn 14 Jan 2023 06:52

Mr Maryot, to better help the author here, can you elaborate? Your current review is rather generic and could essentially apply to any critique thread in this forum, without clear indication of whether you read the material or not.

What in particular is interesting about the idea? Why?

What additional information do you need from the author for a better review?

For more information on giving critique in this forum, please see this thread: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-9804362/so-you-want-to-be-a-concept-reviewer

Re: [SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

caspian2 19 Jan 2023 05:56

Summoned by PM:

It's a basic SCP Article based heavily around early Series 1 SCP's

Fair warning that whenever new writers mention something like this, reviewers immediately see a red flag. The Series 1 scps are iconic, and as you said, sometimes shorter than our modern entries. But they were written under different circumstances, and demands from the audience.

Having an article that you're proposing (basically a thing that kills you for no reason) is much harder to pull off on the modern wiki. The modern wiki reader wants to see shock value, yes, but also context, backstory, and a central narrative that revolves around the entity. To sum up, the article cannot be just based around the anomalous object and its properties. Especially if you are a new writer, we would encourage you to come up with a story. This will give your first article the best chance of survival.

If you decide to revise the concept / respond below, do drop me another PM and I'll try to take another look. Best of luck for now!

Re: [SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

Aethernaut-Z 21 Jan 2023 12:53

the article cannot be just based around the anomalous object and its properties.

I understand, I do see how this may not work as my first work on the Wiki.

I believe that the idea may work, but I am also new to the Wiki, so I may not fully know how successful or unsuccessful things may/could be.

I mainly wrote this SCP around the idea of a short article to just enjoy and remind the readers of Series 1 SCP's, and though I'm sure that with a little time I could add a story to the item, I also believe that it may not be the best for a first post SCP.

we would encourage you to come up with a story. This will give your first article the best chance of survival.

I've written a few other SCP's and worked on some ideas that unlike this one, do contain story elements, twists and shocking reveals. With what you've suggested, I feel it may be better to make one of those as my first contribution to the Wiki.

Thank you for the feedback.

Re: [SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

OriTiefling 21 Jan 2023 14:30

enjoy and remind the readers of Series 1 SCP's

Here's the issue with that- you aren't the first new author to try that, you aren't even the first this week. Several new authors come in with a concept designed to "remind the readers of Series 1". It's not a new or novel concept anymore. The readers haven't forgotten Series 1, and the people who want to enjoy it can simply go back and read it. At this point there are very few concepts that are truly strong enough to stand without any narrative at all, and trying to recapture the idea of what Series 1 was is like trying to capture lighting in a bottle.

Going a bit further to your idea specifically- aside from the lack of narrative, it's a standard WWII anomaly where it being from WWII feels shallow and tacked on. We get a lot of these concepts- "it's a Nazi tank", "it's a Nazi science experiment", "it's a Nazi bunker"… it's tired, it's overdone, and it doesn't normally need to involve Nazis or WWII at all. The fact that there's no real meat here beyond "it kills someone" makes it unengaging and really not all that interesting.

Re: [SEEKING GREENLIGHT] The Bunker

Aethernaut-Z 22 Jan 2023 00:54

you aren't the first new author to try that, you aren't even the first this week.

Definitely should've taken that into consideration. Yah I never thought about how many people may try it, and just looking through a few pages of the Ideas Critique page, I found two separate people who had the same "reminder of Series 1" idea.

At this point there are very few concepts that are truly strong enough to stand without any narrative at all,

I understand this, I do believe I could add story given some time, but I also may not.

it's a standard WWII anomaly where it being from WWII feels shallow and tacked on.

It was more or less tacked on mainly just cause it was the easiest to use, the article was just supposed to mention it, so people reading could have a better idea of what it may look like.

The fact that there's no real meat here beyond "it kills someone" makes it unengaging and really not all that interesting.

I understand this, I do understand that the idea has a high chance of not working due to these ideas. I may reconsider the idea, I could either leave it for future posting, and instead attempt posting of one of my more interesting, story driven articles.

Thank you for your feedback.