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Hexick, SCP Wiki Moderator
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SCP-7105 / Discussion
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7105.
I also like the hilariously spammy way that the anomaly finds its prey, and the fact that this rarely works for completely mundane reasons. The best part, though, is of course the ending.
For a moment, I hoped that he'd managed to kill the monster and escape. But then he went back inside! It'd be tragic if it wasn't so pathetic. I think you did a great job keeping your ending unpredictable.
That said, I feel that the shrine drives the point home a little harder than is really necessary.
Glad you enjoyed it! I agree particularly with your last point; it was a bit over the top, but I really wanted to show just how obsessed the guy was with this particular celebrity.
Hexick, SCP Wiki Moderator
Personal site: http://hexhouse.wikidot.com/
Feel free to forward any concerns or inquiries to my Wikidot inbox.
There's something so sad about the log. It's just… A feeling of complete defeat, and the shrine stuff later… Man, this one's pretty good.
+1
I think there are two parts that are both pretty good in isolation but don't come together into a cohesive whole. As a murder monster with a bizarre MO it's unique and interesting. As a story about a guy willingly dying out of obsession it's an interesting hook but falls flat because of how short and condensed our time with the fans is.
We only see the fan once it chooses to die. I think if you'd included an example of how this creature hunts — the sorts of messages it leaves on message boards or email and how they're unconvincing yet how people respond to them anyways — we'd be primed to emphasize more with the willing death.
After finishing the Description, I was thinking: Yeah, this is unsettling enough that the article doesn't even need further expansion on the idea. That is to say, you have a good thing going in the bulk of the article. My only point of contention is, the early mention of the anomaly killing people (Description paragraph #3) comes too soon ,and undercuts the reveal. I think you could manage to lightly restructure that area to preserve that reveal a bit longer.
Then, the addendum came. I really did not expect the story would be able to build an entirely new dimension of fucked up. But it managed to! I agree with Xunu that the connective tissue between two halves isn't as strong as it could be, but it doesn't get too in the way of the fact that what's here is surprisingly vivid.
Great work!
comprised of rusted metal, deceased insects (predominantly crickets), feces, and soil,
Was there a specific reason for these four components? Saying "feces" without specifying what kind(s) of animal(s) strikes me as squick for the sake of squick, but the specificity of crickets makes me wonder if I'm missing an implication.
Also, and more importantly, I'm downvoting because you state the anomaly is uncontainable without even documenting or demonstrating any effort to contain it. Emails can be hacked and searched and replies can be spoofed. The murder monster is a humanoid construct with a predictable MO and no known anomalous powers other than mobility and brain digestion. There really is no excuse for not even attempting to apprehend Hair Metal Sophia Alvarez.
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
