[requesting critique] the radio

[requesting greenlights] the skeletons radio

The_Babylon_Buddy 23 Dec 2022 05:15

requesting greenlights: yes

page type: SCP article

genre: horror

elevator pitch: a radio that broadcasts a mans ramblings in an alternate world where world war two had reached into the 50's and most people are living in bunkers. anyone who listens to this radio will start to have hallucinations of this war in there life and the only thing that will make them feel safe is the voice on the radio. and if they listen for too long they will be brought into this other universe.

central narrative: in another universe a Yugoslavian man named Jovan Đorđević is forced to join the military and watch his friends and family die whilst he has to commit unspeakable acts at the command of his troop captain Radovan Bojanić. his story ends as the city around him is destroyed with nuclear weapons as he hides in a bunker. the only thing to take in his sorrow and to keep him sane is his radio, broadcasting English news all day. then 50 years later in our universe a site 15 researcher named Harvey Turner finds a bunker in the mountains and 4 skeletons inside. one of them is in Yugoslavian military garb and is clutching a radio. he brings it back to the site and starts to test it.

additional notes: i am looking for story critique because i really like the concept but if you have something you think would be cool to add then tell me.

Last edited on 24 Dec 2022 22:23 by The_Babylon_Buddy Show more

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

Marceline_Raynes 23 Dec 2022 23:28

As per our conversation on IRC, I feel comfortable greenlighting this project. I wish you the best of luck going forward!

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~ M.D.R.

Last edited on 23 Dec 2022 23:29 by Marceline_Raynes Show more

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

DrIrrelevance 23 Dec 2022 18:31

disclaimer: i cant give greenlights

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okay so this idea itself is a thing that does a thing. the reason why i say that is because the narrative doesn't really hold up the idea. you can add more things to the narrative such as: why is the radio here? how did it get here? why is it in another world? how did the foundation find all of the previously listed?

what you have so far for your narrative is a discovery and a story about one of the characters involved. with the addition of more substance like what i mentioned, you can spice your article up and be able to hold your idea on its own legs as well. the idea isnt bad, the narrative imo just needs more to it. what kind of story is playing throughout the article? what message are your portraying? what do you want the reader to feel?

did the man create it? if so, how? what are you going to include in his story? what makes him such an important central character to your article? i think by establishing a few more characters, you can really get your article going. perhaps one of these characters is an antagonist and they have some contribution to the radio being here. what are their motives? what are the motives of the characters involved?

you can go a little more in-depth with the addition of more characters and get more material out of them.

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

The_Babylon_Buddy 23 Dec 2022 18:35

thanks a lot. i think i will change the story to be in the alternate dimension, how the radio got there in like a diary of the main character. and the foundation will find it when a bunker just kinda appears. thanks a lot this really helps.

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

DrIrrelevance 23 Dec 2022 18:45

even with the change up, i think you can still add a bit more to your narrative. i think you should add more elements to it and really outline what this radio came from.

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

The_Babylon_Buddy 23 Dec 2022 18:47

i was thinking i could add that the anomalous properties came from the mans sorrow after he kills his family for his own survival and to end there sorrow, but if there is anything else i could add to deepen my story tell me

Last edited on 23 Dec 2022 18:48 by The_Babylon_Buddy Show more

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

(account deleted) 23 Dec 2022 22:40

So right away, there’s a bit of a problem. The radio causing insanity feels a bit too cliché. If you want it to emit a cognitohazard, there are so many options related to the “alternate universe World War 2” story, for example hallucinations relating to serving in WWII, or causing paranoia. Other that that, the concept is really interesting.

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

The_Babylon_Buddy 23 Dec 2022 22:42

ya i was picturing that the other world starts to cross into your world as hallucinations

Re: [requesting critique] the radio

Doctor Fullham 24 Dec 2022 22:26

After reading the other reviewers and your responses, plus some discussion on IRC, I'm Greenlighting this.