Officially the 7th sublevel
comma after 'officially'
to any tourist or non-essential personnel.
to tourists and non-essential personnel.
Any who wander down into the 7th sublevel without permission are to be amnesticized or terminated depending on their level of threat.
Any individuals found trespassing into the 7th sublevel (…) level of threat?
im not sure what level of threat means here. could i, as a 2 m tall person be interpreted as a threat?
a large skeleton known to the Japanese as a Gashadokuro
a large skeleton known in Japanese folklore as a Gashadokuro
Most of what is known of SCP-7110's final effects are taken from a recovered journal from GoI-712
what does 'final effects' mean? -2 destroying kyoto?
impossible to determine what the true extent of SCP-7110-2's capabilities due to containment protocol.
i would either cut the 'what' or add 'are' after capabilities.
Once the chamber was found, the chamber
chamber twice in rapid succession
Pending the decision by the O5 Council on whether or not the chamber should be opened, on June 6th, members of the GoI-45865's Japanese branch raided the Imperial palace with the intent of opening the chamber.
this sentence is structured poorly. heres how i would fix it: "On June 6th, pending the decision by the O5 Council on opening the sealed chamber door, members of GoI-45865's Japanese branch raided the Imperial palace with the intent of opening the chamber."
Footage from Ω-45-JC's body cam is on display. Omega-45's other members can be seen approaching the palace doors
you switch from Ω to Omega, choose one and stick to it throughout. consistency is king.
MTF log
ill admit, i kinda skimmed this. i did notice some errors, but its nothing a proper writing software should miss. mtf logs just bore me, sorry.
Father vs father
in the journal logs you capitalize 'father' a few times when it should be lowercase.
IX of IX
i doubt a japanese person during this time period would have been able to identify what this means unless it was in japanese numerals.
as for the article as a whole, id be more interested in reading about the period-era soldiers battle against the yokai to defend kyoto than an mtf log. i understand its place in the story but i just dont find it interesting. i think an epic poem depicting the battle against the yokai and the victory of the yokai hunters would have made for a much cooler ending than some journals. journals are all told after the fact, and theres rarely any tension to them because we know the hero prevailed if were still reading them.
of course, an epic poem would be harder to pull off but it would be so much cooler, dont you think? anyway, that aside, i feel like the piece contains a disturbing lack of giant skeletons. i almost feel cheated. i would love to have seen the lich suceed in removing the skull from the chamber and having the -2 instance appear, then having the mtf react to that. that would have made for a much more compelling log, i think. but at this point it is what it is, and i doubt telling you 'this is how i would have written it' is of any use to anyone. :P
as a whole, this article doesnt do a whole lot for me, unfortunately. im left wanting more out of it.
i hope this doesnt come off as mean. 😅
