SCP-7216 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7216.

please stop fucking polluting, thank you

Agente Shuffle 15 Oct 2022 19:51

¿Y yo qué sé dónde va, dónde vive?
Y todo está mal
Y siempre es igual
¿Y yo qué sé, que no soy detective?
¡La paso tan mal!
Mi chica de humo...
Mi chica de humo...

This SCP is heavily inspired by an urban legend my elementary teacher told to all the class about a girl that died due to the heavy smog of an industrialized city, and her smoky ghost came back seeking revenge and with a strong desire to kill those who pollute the environment.

Yeah that's pretty much the entire article, but I made it far more dangerous and with actual consequences for both the Foundation and the local population.

The main point of this article is to show that perhaps the Foundation is wrong when attempting to preserve the status quo instead of allowing it to change; especially when normality means "we are literally killing the planet". Ironically enough, by trying to preserve the status quo, the Foundation accidentally causes it to change massively with a Broken Masquerade scenario.

(lmao gottem}👻

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This article, although rewritten, has been ported from SCP-MX, an unofficial Foundation fanpage I usually use as a sandbox.

This CSS is a mashup of The Smell Of Smoke Theme's header and Broken Masquerade Theme's everything else. I did this in order to fit the theme of the article and because I am crazy.

The Class Bar used here is a remix of SCP-ES-100's Class Bar, originally made by Belasias. It also uses JosephJoestar's 1st Apollyon icon. Special thanks to Unihedron for helping me make it an actual very cool CSS component and not just an image!

Image source and feedback providers are listed in the Info Module

Gummy_Dragon 15 Oct 2022 20:52

Hemmed and hawed over this one for a bit. The start of the article is a bit weak, coming off as just a smoke monster that kills you, and the ending seems to serce to tie the story into a polular canon "just because".

On the other, the inciting incident that took North Korea and the masquerade with it being a single, relatively unremarkable smog ghost is an interesting take, that shows the foundation as fallible and normalcy as fragile- and not the shining ideal the foundation paints it as.

+1

ihatesnakes 16 Oct 2022 07:29

At first, looked like an SCP-280 copy that was apollyon for some reason. Then realized it perfectly explained the broken masqeurade (unnamed disaster is averted at the cost of North Korea) and the veil gets broken. Really loved that and will be giving +1.

Ruskied 17 Oct 2022 15:59

This is what you call "Peak Fiction"

Pizza Requiem 15 Nov 2022 23:07

Its always nice to see the GOC and the Foundation working together.

Very cool and underrated story

Hold on... you're smoking a cigarette!

Rancorious 23 Dec 2022 00:24

At first I was gonna pass on this for seeming a tad bit hamfisted, but it's a pretty fitting origin for a Broken Masquerade scenario (although the Masquerade being broken might inadvertently lead to the world still being saved through paranormal means, quite a twist of fate).

Last edited on 23 Feb 2023 18:14 by Rancorious Show more

EndMyBuffering 07 Jun 2023 02:49

I like this one. The Foundation got overzealous in trying to maintain the status quo, and accidentally instigated the Broken Masquerade event in the process, ironically removing any reason for them to have gone after 7216 in the first place.

Last edited on 07 Jun 2023 02:50 by EndMyBuffering Show more

Maxyfran73 11 Jul 2023 19:05

Bit torn on this one. I think the ending is really creative, and an interesting way to get to that bit where the Foundation fucks up and starts the Broken Masquerade Canon. On the other hand, however, I didn't enjoy the rest of the piece. A lot of the involvement regarding the smoke girl is rather uninteresting, in the way that it's a simple escalation. It's not bad, but it's not the real meat of the article, merely the setup, so it's not what I focused nor expected to focus on while reading. The conversation is really bad; it's bland, and overly referential, and it feels more like a concept being thrown around (One that's been thrown around since the beginning of the site) instead of two people talking naturally. In that sense, that bit is the worst part of the article.

Finalizing, the whole bit with the smoke girl becomes irrelevant by the end, which, I mean, that's fair, but I've never been a big fan of articles that use a crutch like that. There's some good ones out there, of course, so it can work, but I don't think it does here.

Overall… Yeah, sorry, it's a -1 from me. It just didn't feel cohesive enough, and there's bits here and there that just drag the piece down.

MtMolehill 29 Sep 2023 18:14

I dunno. This doesn't really do it for me. It's a girl made out of smoke that kills people who pollute, and it's also Apollyon for some reason; I really don't see the justification for doing this. It kills one person at a time, I fail to see how that can cause a K-Class. An unstoppable uncontainable killer would sit nicely in Keter. Even then it doesn't seem like the Foundation tried hard enough to contain the girl. The only reason the Scrantons didn't work was she walked over and broke one; they could just try again but keep her away from the Scrantons, or try putting her in a box, or something.
The connection with Broken Masquerade is a neat idea, but the execution just doesn't do it. The Foundation builds a ridiculously powerful railgun satellite system over a few countries, and the smoke girl appears in the line of fire of the unfinished one. Why shoot the railgun here if it could appear under one of the other ones at any time? I do like the idea of the Foundation screwing up and blowing up Korea, but the problem is that Korea didn't blow up. My understanding of the canon was that the Foundation caused Korea to cease existing or vanish to prevent the same from happening to the entire world; here the Foundation turbo-nukes Korea to stop a smoke girl from killing oil industry executives one at a time.

Rhineriver 25 Nov 2023 16:08

I dislike the attempt to write what actually happened that caused the destruction of North Korea. I think Broken Masquerade works better with the inciting incident being unclear and left to mystery and the reader's thoughts, and wish there weren't any articles depicting an explicit version of what happened. Though I suppose it was inevitable.

However, this article is very well-written and I enjoyed it throughout. It's a very good piece of commentary on both environmentalism and the Foundation and I enjoyed it enough to still upvote. My only gripe with the article is that I wish it would forgo the BM connection entirely and simply just remain a standalone story. But, again, good work.

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🦑

Last edited on 25 Nov 2023 16:09 by Rhineriver Show more