SCP-7219 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7219.

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Dr Balthazaar 07 Oct 2022 15:20

Well this was a hectic one to write! Happy to be a part of Anthology and excited to see the reactions to the project. This particular article was inspired by the Australian Mental Healthcare system, but mainly by the horrors of accute radiation syndrome. Perhaps the worst death imaginable, suffered by far too many people, not only in Chernobyl, but also in countless other disasters, like the Mayak facility disaster, Fukushima Daiichi, Goiania, and most horrifically in Tokiamura due to inexperienced young men forced to mix nuclear fuel by hand in a bucket.
I'd like to give a big thank you to Ihp, Grigori Kharpin, Harry Blank, Locke, Mercelles Raines and Dr Trintavon for critique, brainstorming and general advice.

The main image is from here: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Stollbergs_gruvf%C3%A4lt_-_KMB_-_16001000061844.jpg And I drew the other image myself.

Last edited on 08 Oct 2022 05:31 by Dr Balthazaar Show more

Ruskied 07 Oct 2022 17:07

Truly outstanding as always Balthazaar.

Dr Balthazaar 08 Oct 2022 05:32

Thank you so much, your support really brings a smile to my face.

+1

Watermelanie 07 Oct 2022 17:54

I really like this. The anomaly itself is a very good idea pulled off very well, and I think that the descriptions of things like ARS and 7219's plans were very-well executed. Great article overall, I don't think I have any comments other than that.

Re: +1

Dr Balthazaar 08 Oct 2022 05:33

Thank you! I'm really glad the ARS descriptions landed right.

Sergeimosin 07 Oct 2022 21:30

The only change I would've made would be to link it to Department of Abnormalities. It's already great, but that would've made it a paradigm shift for the DOA. +1

Dr Balthazaar 08 Oct 2022 05:33

Thanks for the kind words, but I'm not familiar with the department of abnormalities, what's that?

JimbobTheDude 08 Oct 2022 22:41

If I recall correctly the DOA’s whole Schtick is being an incredibly secretive sect of the foundation almost nobody knows about leaving only contained anomalies with little to no documentation in various abandoned places throughout the world at least until they’re found by the greater portion of the foundation. (I might be wrong though)

Sergeimosin 10 Oct 2022 16:38

It's sort of a reimagining of classic SCPs, but abandoned by a secretive thing call the Department of Abnormalities. The DOA is never explained as to whether it's actually a Foundation department, a predecessor organization, a GOI, an alternate reality thing, etc. The only constant is that their facilities are always found abandoned, with anomalies either fully or partially contained and occasionally having breached containment. Often the anomalies are paired such that their effects contain each other. It would fit the tone of this article like a custom tailored glove

GOC messes up a guy again

(account deleted) 07 Oct 2022 21:42

Hot damn that one gave me chills. One of those unstoppable, inevitable ends kind of disasters. I love the tone shift this anomaly goes through from pleading earnestly desiring help, to the slow shift into heartless manipulation and desperation for freedom. 10/10

Re: GOC messes up a guy again

Dr Balthazaar 08 Oct 2022 05:34

That's probably the element that I wanted to play up the most, and had to be the most careful with. It took a lot of fine tuning to escalate his behaviour in a believable way. I'm glad it worked for you.

swordlover87 08 Oct 2022 01:17

God this is so fucking SICK. Never let it be said that there isn’t a place for “guy who kills people” on the wiki anymore — you just have to do it right. And damn, did you ever do it right.

Her work tells me the explosion came from inside her. Now my darling is dead, our house and memories are a crater, and her work insists on paying for my chemo even though all I want is to go be with her.

Good stuff, Balth.

Dr Balthazaar 08 Oct 2022 05:36

Thank you so much! I've always maintained that there is space in the wiki for any idea. All it takes is hard work, determination and imagination

swordlover87 08 Oct 2022 06:48

And some absolutely brutal descriptions of people getting blown up by nuclear detonations from the inside

+1

JimbobTheDude 08 Oct 2022 22:42

Great stuff the radioactive energy emitted by this piece is great, I could feel my skin slough off while I read. 10/10 incredible imagery.

7/31

UncannyClown276 08 Oct 2022 23:12

this whole article feels like exposition. the foundation exposits about the entity, other people exposit about the entity, and the entity exposits about itself. there's a bit of room to speculate during the 4th addendum, but this is undercut pretty quickly by the entity revealing the truth in an expository monologue. this straightforward delivery isn't inherently bad, but it necessitates a level of writing strength that isn't here. the tone is amateurish in a lot of places, and the human voices don't quite sound like real people. the descriptions of the people affected by the entity are excellent, but the framework surrounding them isn't terribly strong, and they start to lose their punch from overuse in the latter half of the article (especially in the entity's final monologue, which i have a hard time taking seriously because of how over-the-top it is).

there's a lot of potential here, and i don't want to be entirely negative. i think this is only a couple revisions away from being really great, but as it is right now i'm going to downvote.

Re: 7/31

Irina Bougainvillea 25 Oct 2022 05:45

I want to like this article, but unfortunately, I have to second you.

Re: 7/31

Dr Balthazaar 25 Oct 2022 14:05

"necessitates a level of writing strength that isn't here" - Oof.
"the human voices don't quite sound like real people." - Like they're happening in a dream perhaps?

Zertas 08 Oct 2022 23:16

Radiation poisoning cam be very effectively used for both body horror and psychological horror if it's it used to its fullest potential. I feel as if these two themes are executed very well here. +1, Anthology hasn't disappointed me yet!

Dr Balthazaar 09 Oct 2022 13:06

Super glad to hear this, my main goal here was to effectively display the horrors of radiation sickness and effects of nuclear fallout. The research was very interesting. I'm very happy you enjoyed the piece.

Maxyfran73 09 Oct 2022 03:37

I like this one. I love how this guy 'asks' for help on the first half of the piece, but then quickly you see the kinks at the borders, the weird stuff in the way they act and word things… And then the reveal hits. And man is it a good reveal.

A pretty good piece with a decent pace and good character work. Easy +1

Dr Balthazaar 09 Oct 2022 07:58

Thank you so much, I'm glad people are seeing the holes in his story, and that the dreamlike dialogue works, I was worried about that. Thank you for the kind words

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