[Seeking Greenlight]

Summary:

Tiny Dr. Hamm, An illustrated 049 tale.

[Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 12 Sep 2022 18:03

Seeking Greenlights: yes

Page Type: Tale

Elevator Pitch:

Tiny Dr. Hamm (in it's current form) is an episodic, illustrated novella telling the story of 049 as he endeavors to improve his “cure” and deal with the obstacles placed before him by his “Colleagues.” Aka – the foundation, as well the occasional unruly Scp object.

On the surface, it would be light and morbidly fun, (but not too cartoony) with dark and possibly tragic undertones. I don’t want to do anything new with this character other then develop what is already there. To create a more coherent narrative by threading some prominent features of the mythology together.

I will not largely deal with his origins, and the reality and nature of the pestilence he relentlessly pursues will remain an open question, albeit with some tantalizing hints to fire the imagination, and some interesting ways this character may be able to grow beyond his current state.

Central Narrative:

Show summery

The tale begins when a miniature clone of 049 is discovered and 049 is blamed for somehow creating it. Other clones soon appear, but these are copies of other human characters and it becomes clear some other more mysterious force is generating them.

A tiny Dr. Hamm soon confronts 049 leading to some subtly implied soul-searching, and indicating that the tiny clones have been in hiding for at least a few years.

049 shares an anti-memetic chemical spray he uses to bypass security cameras, with the tiny clones. He is rewarded when they smuggle anomalous ingredients into his cell he then uses to improve his alchemy. Learning about other anomalies causes him to ask new questions about his ancient enemy.

The tiny clones make their escape when a deadly pesticide used to control the very entity that is secretly generating them - their parent - Is accidentally released.

049 escapes during the incident – (He is the only thing that escapes. This isn’t the video game.)
049 is able to shut off the leak and rescue a stranded guard, (His bio-mechanical mask gives him an advantage over the poison gas.) but there is a tense moment when he feels one of the staff is “Afflicted.”

He is re-contained by one of his “Peers” before he harms anyone.

Afterward he wonders if memories of Dr. Hamm are holding him back. He considers self-surgery as a means of altering his memory, with hints he’s done this many times before.

Due to the fact he seems to be running in circles, and his cure won’t improve. He chooses to live with the painful memory. Perhaps this time he will try something new.

Additional Notes:
I am aware that this character may have become a cliché and is no longer of interest.
Draft links are not permitted in Ideas Forum posts.

~Fable

Last edited on 12 Sep 2022 22:59 by OriTiefling Show more

Critique Team - Vice Captain Post

OriTiefling 12 Sep 2022 18:19

Author, per the required reading forum guidelines: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282684/required-reading:how-to-use-this-forum-ideas please fill out the concept template to seek feedback on your idea:

**Seeking Greenlights:** Put yes or no.

**Page Type:** SCP Article, Tale, GoI Format, Joke SCP, Site Dossier, Other (specify)

**Genre (Optional):** Horror, Drama/Emotional, Comedy, Action, History, Other (specify)

**Page Layout (Optional):** [How will you will structure the page in terms of information presentation, or plot development? If you plan on using a unique format/format screw, describe that here.]

**Elevator Pitch:** [What is the basic core idea? Use a bullet point list if necessary.] 

**Central Narrative:** [Describe the story beats or overarching context/"big picture" for your piece. If there is no story content, put "none".] 

**Hook/Attention-Grabber (Optional):** [What is novel/unique about your premise? What is special about your idea here that will make it stand out among the other works already on the mainsite?] 

**Additional Notes:** [Note any concerns or particular areas of assistance you would like reviewers to focus on.]

Remember to please edit your previous post using the "edit" function under the "options" tab to the lower right of your first comment rather than creating a new thread.

Also, please mind the wordcount limit—the combined text for your answers to the last four sections (Elevator Pitch, Central Narrative, Hook/Attention-Grabber, and Additional Notes) MAY NOT exceed 400 words. For convenience, authors can use this page to check wordcount: https://wordcounter.net/

Once you have revised your post accordingly, please reach out to reviewers to request that they look at your thread. You can find a list of ways to contact reviewers here: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/forum/t-13282692/how-to-get-more-reviews

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Dr Sage Evergreen 13 Sep 2022 01:19

Summoned Via PM

Howdy! What an interesting SCP. Would be a real shame if someone…

Critiqued it...

I do have to admit that there is something good going on here. I took a quick peak at your artwork, and I must say it is absolutely phenomenal- and would make an absolutely wonderful addition to the site. I think what you have can make an excellent tail. However, I do have a few concerns about the narrative itself.

What I'm concerned about, specifically, is the focus of the narrative. It feels like its going in a few different directions. The concept of the Tiny Hamm and Tiny 049 feels like it's disregarded after a certain point, and the creator of said entities seems like it comes out of the blue. Is there some appropriate resolution given to them? Do Tiny 049 and/or Tiny hamm have some sort of buildup in their relationship?

A lot feels like its happening, and it seems like the tale is split into the section about 049 and his old feelings regarding Hamm's death, and then the Tiny Hamm/Tiny 049 arc. I'd recommend separating said stories, and focusing on one at a time. They feel like good stand alone concepts separately, but don't seem to mesh well together.

One way I may recommend exploring this is dealing either exclusively with a tiny hamm or a tiny 049's relationship with the real 049. Perhaps multiple tales with each character? I truly feel taking the time to expand on individual relationships is what will carry this concept, but doing it for everything mentioned here could make the piece too long or cumbersome.

That being said, honestly not bad at all- I'd love to see you go a little more in depth about character relationships and seeing how you can round out the story, so feel free to shoot me a pm once you reply on this thread- then I'll come back and take a look.

Til then, best of luck!

Last edited on 13 Sep 2022 01:19 by Dr Sage Evergreen Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 13 Sep 2022 17:46

When I created a synopsis for this tale I glossed over several major characters so that the synopsis would be much shorter. Suspense and a web of intrigue was one of my goals here.

As well as a general exploration of site operations surrounding 049. My experience is largely in novels so a 30,000 word limit seemed relatively short at the time.

When I set out to create this piece my plan was for 12,000 words, in a series of installments. Ending the story generated significantly more materiel. Currently it stands at 24,000 words, (Eight 3,000 word installments)

I thought of creating a more comprehensive outline of the first five chapters of the story, I may do that later, but for now I wanted to respond to your stated interest in some of the characters mentioned in the original synopsis.

In time I hope that weaker material can be distinguished from stronger material to improve my tale. (The pictures are optional of course, I just really like to draw.)

Here are two excerpts dealing with the tiny 049. And also 049’s pivotal first meeting with the Tiny Dr. Hamm. The first excerpt contains an overview of the characters to aid in understanding of events.

Character Overview

In chapter 3 two Scientists emerge as major characters, Dr. Kline and Dr. Mills. (Note that their names can be easily changed) It is often through their dialogue that additional information about 049 and the world in general is revealed through their separate perspectives.

A tiny clone of Dr. Kline emerges in a comical incident that disproves, at least to the reader, that 049 directly created his tiny clone.

The tiny Dr. Kline proves to be more emotionally resilient then the tiny 049 and will act as his support system, as the two will be housed together to observe how they interact. (I feel this foreshadows the original Dr. Kline’s ability to act as a voice of reason for 049 later in the tale.)

Dangers of the outside

In the South Level Labs half the maze had been removed, the opening left by the removal, resealed. But this had left a small panel with exposed screws, a deterrent for rats perhaps, but not a pair of tiny humanoids.

049-A and the tiny Dr. Kline worked the screws loose with metal from their cage. The panel fell to the floor. Now the outside world lay before them.

All they sought was a look outside, but neither expected the smell.

Damp earth and dead resinous wood, and beneath that, something else, neither had to ask what it was. Neither had to say why they wanted it.

The smell was that of the parent, all they needed was a tiny piece and some wood or paper to feed it. For the time being there would be no means of getting it big enough to produce an egg. Till then, they would only have each other, the parent, and the dream of a city where they could belong.

To the tiny Dr. Kline it still seemed too good to be true, but the tiny 049 was an optimist.

She watched him jump his rat down to the floor and then ride over to a large flowerpot; the rat jumped again and clung to the edge.

Her brother cut through the plastic covering the plant. He vanished, along with his rat, into the desiccated thicket.

She had stayed behind. And now, the rich earthy scent of the parent was turning sour.

Was the parent lying to them, or was this something else, something bad.

The thought of possibly never seeing her brother again gave the tiny Dr. Kline the courage she needed to throw down the paper-clip ladder and climb to the floor.

The time taken to weight a string and lasso a dead lavender stem made her lose hope.

But she might as well finish her task come what may.

Tiny Dr. Hamm first encounter

The original 049’s goggle-covers slid open. That, it seemed, was the current extent of his neural control.

He was still in his cell, or he had been returned to it, and laid out on one of its two narrow beds.

He had a dreadful headache. His colleagues and their vile drugs; if he developed an addiction to these insidious opiates they would be paying for his rehabilitation so help him god.

Something tickled the end of his snout.
A small blurry figure stood there.

“The ghost of Christmas past I presume?” said 049. He started to laugh, had trouble stopping.
Damn the drugs.

“Can you hear me, 049?”

Damn it to hell it was Dr. Hamm.

049 twitched and felt the tiny being fall off his snout. It clung with its arms and pulled itself back up. “049 you have been operated on.”

The Plague Doctor sighed. “It is not an uncommon occurrence. I suppose they were looking for eggs, did they find them?”

The tiny Dr. Hamm seemed to stifle a giggle, “No, of course not.”

“How do you know this then, did you see the procedure? I may be your father – Luke.”

The tiny Dr. Hamm said, “What is that from?”

“Some play, tis of no importance. Just something my colleagues mention on occasion.”

“Seems you are up to speaking then.” said the tiny Dr. Hamm.

“This situation will not be ideal for conversation.”

“You put one of my sisters in a cage, and are known for frightful experiments. I didn’t want to do this with you at full strength.”

049 whipped his head to side. “You are a ghost, a memory, a drug. Leave me!”

The tiny Dr. Hamm climbed over 049’s snout, and sat beside it. “I am a little twin. Of someone I’ve heard you once wronged. But I don’t consider you any worse than your colleagues.”

“I - AM - NOT - EVIL!”

049 tried to lift his head but the tiny Dr. Hamm held it in place. Was it the drugs, or was this small vision really that strong?

“For my purposes, it doesn’t matter what you are, I just need help. My people just need help. We need to escape these buildings and find a place where we can live together, far from giants like you and your various machinations. We will be out of your way, out of the foundation’s way. Your colleagues are not ones to live and let live but you, you have your own other business. Help us, and there will be one less monster running around, causing trouble.”

Something was sprayed over 049’s nostrils, something containing lavender. He lost consciousness again. When he awoke the tiny Dr. Hamm was gone.

Something slapped him in the face. He was thankful for its natural armor.

It took him awhile to realize he’d slapped his own face.

So he had the use of his left arm. That was fortunate.

Last edited on 13 Sep 2022 19:14 by Fierce fauna Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Dr Sage Evergreen 13 Sep 2022 23:51

Summoned back via PM
Look out! Crit down below!

+ show block

This is likely one of the lengthiest pieces I've looked at. Skimming through the Sandbox, it's clear this is going to be a saga blockbuster of sorts. And looking over your response, your narrative seems decent, but it'll obviously take a lot of time to read through the whole thing. Nevertheless, Here is your greenlight.

I'd be willing to crit a draft for this (probably in increments, due to the sheer length) but make sure you get another greenlight before you post.

Other than that, you have my permission to put your sandbox in one of your responses since it's become relevant to this discussion. But I'd steer clear of posting portions of your excerpt in forums.

(As a heads up, generally, if a critter requests your sandbox, you're allowed to include a link. You're free to mention in your original post that you do have a draft. But it's also normally good practice to normally get a fully greenlit concept before you start drafting. Particularly for stuff that's this lengthy.)

Last edited on 13 Sep 2022 23:53 by Dr Sage Evergreen Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 14 Sep 2022 20:56

I feel the first chapter of this story could stand alone as a much shorter, slightly humorous piece. Perhaps further episodes could be discussed at a later date?

In my sandbox, Part's 1 through 5 are chapter one. Chapters average 1,500 words. (The idea is summarized in the first sentence of my synopsis, so there's no need to read all of it.)

Meant to put that in my pm.

(There are two chapters in my sand box.)

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/fierce-fauna

Last edited on 15 Sep 2022 00:01 by Fierce fauna Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Dr Sage Evergreen 15 Sep 2022 01:33

Summoned back via PM

Here lie my thoughts

+ show block

Since you bring it up, I'd personally recommend having each chapter be a separately-published piece or tale akin to a series, but with enough context in each chapter that they can still serve as standalone pieces if someone happens to read them separately. If executed well, it can be something truly amazing.

As for your first piece specifically, as a reminder, you do need a second crit and greenlight before you can seek advice in the draft forum. Without going into too many details, while your current tale isn't too shabby, and the art is amazing, it still needs quite a bit of work.

Still, try to focus on one chapter at a time. Having a general outline of where you want to go and what you want to do with your piece is great, but focusing your efforts on one piece at a time can truly help each individual tale flourish.

But before all that, I want to stress the importance of getting your second greenlight. I love this concept, so I'll throw it at some other critters to see if they'll pick it up and crit it. You're technically still in your conceptual stage, so getting others' opinions and thoughts right now is ideal.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

DrRevan 16 Sep 2022 03:37

[Summoned via PM]

Hello!

Apologies for the late critique!

Let’s dive in!

So, while 049 and other Series 1 entries do tend to push into the boundaries of becoming cliché, that doesn't mean they can't have an unique take done on them. In the case of your narrative, you've definitely captured this unique take well. The tiny doppelgangers are an interesting premise, your dialogue is solid, and your visualization is quite strong, especially in discussing the size difference between the originals and the clones. My main concerns though, are what you're planning to develop with 049, and the parent of the tiny clones.

I'll start with 049's development. From what I've seen in your Sandbox, it seems you want to try and expand on 049's abnormal biology and the "Pestilence". I feel these are good areas to further develop, as they still remain shrouded in mystery, per its mainlist entry. What's your long term narrative plan with these two aspects though? What do you plan to reveal or allude to come the end of the tale? Do you plan on further characterizing other aspects of 049 as well?

My other concern revolves around the parent of these tiny clones. You haven't elaborated too much on what this entity actually is, aside from it creating the clones. Is it a pre-existing anomaly, or a creation of your own? If it's a creation of your own, why is it seemingly fascinated with 049? Does it have some sort of connection to 049's past that you plan on discussing more?

Hope this helps!

Doc R

Last edited on 18 Sep 2022 05:32 by DrRevan Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 21 Sep 2022 23:19

(See my reply to Fairy Doctor for information about 049, the tiny 049, and the full description of the parent.) Yes the parent is my own creation.

What follows is a more detailed outline of the first five chapters; this will cover the events of about 25 percent of the tale. This is meant to show how different elements connect to each other, the - event system.

Outline of Chapters One and Two

The tale begins when a miniature clone of 049 is discovered and 049 is blamed (During an Interview) for somehow creating it. He returns to his cell eager to get back to work but is also determined to discover the clone’s true origin. He asks a guard he is bribing with contraband to find him one of the mysterious eggs the clone was said to have emerged from.

Later, when more dead animals are delivered for 049 to study – a D-class person stumbles into the room and begs to be finished off. Spiders explode out of the man’s head before anyone can react. The delivery man runs off in horror convinced of the apparent reality of the pestilence 049 so ardently believes in. (Meant to be funny) The windfall of the willing D-class makes 049 excitedly get to work on the body and briefly forget about his tiny double.

The guards close the door, pursue and capture the delivery man – (Described as an intern.) But the intern had amnestics stashed away and uses to them wipe his mind of spider-related horrors.

(The Guards didn’t see anything and 049 often uses an info hazardous spray made from the processed hair of 247 – the harmless cat – to get around the cameras in his cell. He got the hair from his guard – in exchange for contraband.)

(049 uses a chem-lab in his cell to make valuable substances. Usually drugs. 049 doesn’t like the drugs but realizes they are useful currency.)

(The spiders were an unknown effect of the Arachnophobia Orb – 859. This D-class was exposed to the orb while unconscious. It appeared to have no affect on an unconscious person, so he was sent back to the barracks. This will have a small but important effect later in the tale.)

Outline of Chapter Three

The tiny 049 is introduced to a lab rat to see if his powers match that of the original. The tiny creature was just born and has difficulty understanding the world. He fears the rat and tries to run away. But when cornered, he fells the rat with touch to its nose, and is directed by a strange instinct to open his bag and operate.

The rat revives and the tiny 049 identifies it as a friend. But he longs for the company of his own kind. He feels they are out there somewhere. It seems he has no concept of a pestilence.

Not far away two scientists, Dr. Kline and Dr. Mills. (These currently are major characters, but their names are not final.) Watch footage of 049’s latest instance. (The D-Class from earlier) It is revealed to the reader that the intern who witnessed the incident used “unauthorized amnestics” on himself and was unable to describe what he witnessed.

(The camera spray 049 uses still causes the cameras to record anything typical of their surroundings. Also, the spray wears off eventually and 049 doesn’t always feel the need to use it.)

Dr. Kline wants to retrieve the instance for study but Dr. Mills warns that 049 has been euthanizing his instances, and blaming the foundation for “not being excepting of them.”

Dr. Kline notices there are many unscheduled visits to 049’s cell. She hatches a plan to swap the visiting guards with her own people in order to retrieve the instance alive.

(It is indicated during her introduction that Dr. Kline knew Dr. Hamm, thinks 049 is a quack, but is darkly fascinated by how his instances might physically work. Dr. Kline may also know something about the tiny clones she’s not sharing, but these hints are subtle at this point.)

Meanwhile 049 opens a box of crackers and retrieves a smuggled egg he starts to incubate behind his chemistry equipment.

Outline of Chapter Four and Five – The Tiny Dr. Hamm makes his appearance. 

049 cares for his new instance and discovers it can read and write. This excites him greatly. His cure is improving. He checks on the egg and finds it has hatched a tiny copy of Dr. Kline. He hopes to study its behavior but instead receives what he assumes to be a visit from his friendly guard –

Dr. Kline springs her trap, 049’s cell is raided, his instance is dragged away and the tiny Dr. Kline is discovered by the original Dr. Kline who is not happy to see it.

049 snidely remarks upon looking at both the original Dr. Kline and her small copy, “Who’s the father?” Recalling the accusations made against him when the tiny 049 was discovered. After that he is injected with a drug that makes him loose consciousness.

The newly acquired Tiny Dr. Kline is introduced to the Tiny 049 and the two are able to communicate in their nonsense language and coordinate their behavior to thwart the scientist’s attempts to keep them in separate cages. The scientists, intrigued, decide to house them together.

They are glad to see each other. The Tiny 049 can touch the tiny Dr. Kline it seems, without harm. The tiny creatures feel they are of the same species.

This is a relief to Dr. Mills who was concerned that the tiny Dr. Kline would be killed by the tiny 049 and like a voodoo doll; the effect would transfer to the original.

The original 049 wakes up in his room. He is lying atop a bed and still under an anesthetic when he notices a tiny figure sitting on his nose. The figure tells him that a biopsy has been performed to determine whether or not he could lay eggs. 049 finds this funny, probably due to the influence of the drugs.

(Dr. Kline was really just curious about 049’s internal structure, and able to get permission to operate because her tiny double was found in his Cell. She knows about the true origin of the clones but keeps quiet for her own reasons.)

A conversation ensues, where 049 recognizes his old friend, but seems to think he’s dreaming; calling him, “The ghost of Christmas Past.” The tiny Dr. Hamm claims to be representing his people. (The Little Twins)

The Tiny Dr. Hamm says he chose this moment to try and talk to 049 because 049 would be incapacitated and presumably safer for a much smaller, faster creature, to be around. The tiny Dr. Hamm then reminds the Plague doctor of his past evils and why others must approach him with caution.

049 accuses of him of being – “A ghost, a memory, a Drug!”

Dr. Hamm tells 049 that if he helps the Little Twins escape the facility he will go away and “Stop haunting him.”

Last edited on 21 Sep 2022 23:57 by Fierce fauna Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

DrRevan 22 Sep 2022 03:12

[Summoned via PM]

Hello!

Let’s dive in!

So, I do like the way you plan on having the tiny 049 be more naïve and cautious over his environment. I think that's a pretty clever way to show how 049 gradually became obsessed with the Pestilence. Your overall narrative flow seems pretty solid as well, with the chapters transitioning rather smoothly. Before I go ahead and provide you with your second greenlight, I just have one more concern. The ending.

You've thus far set up quite an elaborate and expansive narrative, with good worldbuilding, conflicts, and an underlying sense of intrigue. However, the payoff is going to be fairly crucial here, especially given how long it's going to be. While you don't have to lay out the exact details of the ending, I would like to see a little summary/rough idea of what you want the ending to look like.

Hope this helps!

Doc R

Last edited on 23 Sep 2022 01:47 by DrRevan Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 25 Sep 2022 16:44

(Here is a short summery of the ending action, followed by more detailed summaries of all the finishing paths taken by all the characters and how those paths currently converge.)

Short Form

Dr. Kline and a friend who secretly know about the little twins spray a poison to control the escaped fungus. They warn the little twins of their plans -
causing the little twins to make plans of their own.

On top of all this a scientist feuding with Dr. Kline accidentally damages a hose used to dispense the fungicide, leading to a dangerous situation for everyone in the building. 049 escapes with the aid of one of his instances because he thinks he's helping. He stops the leaking tank but - also threatens people. 049 helps the tiny Dr. Hamm dispose of the parent fungus - so the foundation wont be able to produce little twins. The two share a moment.

049 is recaptured, the twins escape to a presently good but uncertain future on the outside, and the poison is brought under control.

049 comes to assist Dr. Kline with her research. She talks him down from from wanting to perfect one of his zombies to the point where it's no longer functional.
Fearing he won't be able to get Dr. Hamm out of his head, 049 considers a brain surgery on himself to remove the memory, but decides against it because - that's what he always does, and it never seems to change anything.

His only option is to take a new path.

(See collapsibles for a more detailed version of these events.)

The falling action and final are two shorter pieces dealing with events in the aftermath of the Climatic action. Part one and two each contain about a page of material.

Climatic Action - part 1

Dr. Kline meets secretly with her old friend and co-conspirator Donnelly. The two scientists discovered the little twins four years ago, but kept them a secret, mostly because Donnelly was able to talk the creatures into spying on his superiors. He used this information to increase his salary through knowledge of budget procedures. Now the two scientists are on borrowed time. The rouge colonies of fungus must be exterminated lest the two scientists get caught. The two scientists are not monsters and warn the tiny Dr. Hamm and his people of their plans.

Without informing the two friendly scientists, a team led by the tiny Dr. Hamm sneaks back into the building on the day it is to be treated with fungicide. Their plan is to destroy the main samples of the fungus, using the foundation’s own fungicide (stored nearby) to kill it. (It is only with great reluctance they deem it necessary to harm the parent, because they fear their people will be bread as test subjects by the foundation.) A second team of little twins sneak in to rescue the tiny 049 and the tiny Dr. Kline.

Elsewhere in the building, a scientist named Dr. Greg has influenced his way past security. (Building staff is restricted due to the chemical treatment going on.) Dr. Greg has previously attempted to get a hold of Dr. Kline’s 049-2 instance, because of its importance to his Arachnophobia Orb – (859) research. (The instance was a D-class used in an 859 experiment prior to being “Cured”. Greg feels he can shoot the instance and claim self-defense, then easily get a hold of the body.

Dr. Greg mistakes a D-class in a costume for the real 049, thinks it got loose and starts shooting. His bullets damage a hose dispensing fungicide. The costume was to aid the D-class in handling Dr. Kline’s 049-2 instance. Dr. Kline is held back by the guards, they are calling the shots now.

The hall is immediately sealed off. Both the D-class and the instance are left to fend for themselves in the sealed and poisoned section. (The instance immediately escapes during the incident and kills Dr. Greg so he’s no longer a concern.) The D-class manages to don an emergency gas mask, but is still bleeding from her injury. She feels compelled to lie down. The tiny 049 rides over on his rat when he sees her fall, and is able to slow the bleeding.

The tiny 049 was being led into a portal conjured by a tiny old man (106) Aka – Private Hell. The tiny 049 hates Private Hell, ever since enduring one of his “pranks”. The tiny 049 seizes upon any excuse not to enter the portal. The other little twins aiding in the rescue of the tiny 049 and the tiny Dr. Kline hear an alarm sound when the pesticide is released. They put on tiny emergency masks of their own invention. Private Hell’s portal then vanishes, because he is impatient or bored. The rescue team is horrified.

Climatic Action - part 2

The escaped instance is able to make its way to 049’s cell, and release the plague doctor with a key it finds on a fallen guard. 049 is able to save the guard by helping him put on his emergency mask, though he does not feel the guard is “afflicted”. (049 is unaffected by the poisoned air. His mask-like face isn’t just for looks.) He makes his way to the leaking hose and shuts off the tank it was attached to.

The tiny Dr. Hamm’s team hides behind security cameras when an alarm sounds in the building. (Older little twins have fairy-like insect wings. The cameras were treated with a spray the twins obtained from 049, so that they wouldn’t reveal any secrets.) Dr. Kline’s friend Donnelly enters the room where the tiny Dr. Hamm’s team is hiding. He is with a group of technicians. (All are masked.) He takes charge of the nearest fungicide tank seeming to render the tiny Dr. Hamm’s task impossible.

Donnelly receives a message that the plague doctor is loose, and tries to obtain some more weapons. 049 corners him and says that one of the techs is – “Afflicted”. Dr. Kline appears with a team of guards and distracts 049 by starting a conversation. She accuses him of mistaking Dr. Hamm’s memory loss for the pestilence. 049 asks her why D-class are fair game but not anyone else, and “Where do you even get these people?” 049 stops talking when they close a security door in front of him. Donnelly had headed in the other direction with the techs and closes a second door. 049 is re-contained.

Private Hell returns for the stranded rescue team, but takes the D-class into the wall first because he wants to challenge himself with a bigger creature. The other twins tell the D-class to pick up the tiny 049 on her way into the dark portal. She grabs 049’s zombie rat as well, even though it’s apparently dead from the gas. Tiny 049 - in a panic uses his killing touch but it fails. He is glad it fails but he wonders why. Perhaps the D-class is too big - perhaps this pestilence has something to do with how the touch works - it remains an open question.

The rescue team makes their escape into the oppressive mists of Private Hell’s world. Everything there is in miniature and the D-class is a giant. The rescue team waits for the tiny Dr. Hamm’s group to join them, but a messenger says there’s a problem. Back at the foundation the Tiny Dr. Hamm has failed in his quest and wants the others to leave him behind.

The original 049 is trapped in the same part of the building as the tiny Dr. Hamm and is able to help him destroy the main samples. 049 puts the starter jars in a bag – smashes the bag against a door frame and incinerates the bag. Saying as he does this – “I will lay you to rest.”

The tiny Dr. Hamm thanks 049 for his help but warns that the past “Doesn’t simply go away.”

One of Private Hell’s small portals opens and the D-class’s giant arm pulls the tiny Dr. Hamm into the wall. Private Hell laughs, vanishing into a rust stain when the original 049 tries to grab him.

Falling action and final

Falling action -

049 is easily recaptured and questioned about his actions during the fungicide leak. Because of the camera spray used by the little twins, the foundation is left with only witness testimony. And there are rumors among the staff, though it is generally known that the cameras were – malfunctioning.

Dr. Kline and Donnelly’s prior knowledge of the clones is not discovered. However an investigation links the clones with the fungus and The Earth’s Eye Mushroom is given its proper name of Cloning Fairy Fungus. Donnelly is tasked with trying to re-culture the fungus for study. He seeks out remaining fragments. Any revived material will be housed in a more secure part of the site.

The Little Twins make their way to a tree city established by earlier migrations from the tiny Dr. Hamm’s community. The tiny 049 and the tiny Dr. Kline work there as ordinary healers. 049’s rat is revived. The D-class uses her old name – Rosa, and lives in a cabin within walking distance. She aids the tiny 049 in creating fierce guardians to help defend the tree city’s food stores from squirrels and crows. The tiny 049 wonders why the tiny Dr. Hamm is not comfortable around him. The tiny Dr. Kline discourages her brother from asking these kinds of questions.

The tiny 049’s death-touch occasionally fails; having no effect at all – weather he is inexperienced at using his power or whether there is something truly different about creatures that seem to have the pestilence - is uncertain.

Final

The original Dr. Kline’s 049-2 instance was injured by the poison gas and wounded by Dr. Greg’s bullets so she asks the original 049 if he can repair it. Dr. Kline watches him work through a tinted window. 049 performs a chemical test on some discarded syringes and realizes his zombie retains a drug habit.

Dr. Kline must talk the plague doctor out of attempting to remove “other miseries” and at least keep his fixation confined to the pestilence. He backs down, and wonders, if she believes in it.

049’s cure seems to be improving, but along with experience comes growing uncertainties. Only by removing memories that cause him to doubt himself can he remain strong in the face of his foe.

He returns to his cell and prepares to perform a brain surgery (old-school amnestics) on himself. He considers this kind of thing to be basic maintenance.

He recalls a voice, (A child’s voice) fearfully demanding that he “Stop mutilating himself.” This time he hesitates.

He has been doing things the same way for a long time and nothing changes – the only way forward is to change his strategy. He must keep his memories and the pain they contain, even if it means that he must risk becoming “A man of Emotion.”

Last edited on 26 Sep 2022 14:10 by Fierce fauna Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

DrRevan 27 Sep 2022 02:44

[Summoned via PM]

Hello!

This seems solid to me. I’ll gladly provide you with your second Greenlight!

Best of luck!

Doc R

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

fairydoctor 16 Sep 2022 08:33

Heya! [Summoned via wiki PM, will critique after DrRevan, or in 24 hours]

Crit below!

I am aware that this character may have become a cliché and is no longer of interest.

True, although the tiny 049s are an interesting approach. Why should I care about these characters?

I don’t want to do anything new with this character other then develop what is already there.

What's already there that you're developing? How are you going to characterise 049?

it would be light and morbidly fun, (but not too cartoony) with dark

In this thread you've explained how you're going to deliver the information, instead of telling us what that information actually is. It's ok to be spoilery. We can't help you otherwise.

The tiny clones make their escape when a deadly pesticide used to control the very entity that is secretly generating them - their parent - Is accidentally released.

Why is the pesticide important? Why does it control the entity? What is the entity? Where did it come from? Why clone 049 specifically?

Overall there is a hodge-podge of elements that at the moment don't flow with each other.

Last edited on 17 Sep 2022 11:27 by fairydoctor Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 18 Sep 2022 23:11

In this thread you've explained how you're going to deliver the information, instead of telling us what that information actually is. It's ok to be spoilery. We can't help you otherwise.

Here are my answers to your questions.

How are you going to characterize 049? -

049 identifies with the foundation and perceives its people as colleagues. They are the community of like-minded individuals he has longed for. A powerful organization designed to fight the kind of thing he has been fighting for centuries. Surely they would believe in the pestilence? But the one little problem is that they don’t.

049 still perceives himself as loyal to the foundation even though he often feels the need to deceive them “For their own good.” He is a very capable anomalous chemist who is able to distill smuggled substances into powerful tools, with the aid of a guard who runs contraband.

He applies his “cure” with such reckless abandon because he is hoping that there will be “something left.” Of the original person underneath what has become an imposter, replacing and impersonating the person it seeks to completely devour. He claims if he doesn’t act on these impulses the cured would be – consumed entirely.

In addition to this the pestilence is contagious, sentient and literate, according to 049. He writes in a language he claims it doesn’t know.

While initially allowing the foundation to take his patients away from him – upon finding they’d been terminated, he started to terminate them himself, concerned that the cured weren’t being shown proper respect.

Anything that makes him doubt his cause is buried deep. But when that thing is mentioned to him even in passing – the effect is profound and painful.

Why is the pesticide important? Why does it control the entity? What is the entity? Where did it come from? Why clone 049 specifically? - 

There is only one tiny 049 in this story. There are however, a lot of tiny clones.

The parent is a fungus, (An average size forest mushroom) with eyeball-shaped caps that focus in on a human target or occasionally a humanoid Scp – even if that target is behind a wall.

When the target is acquired the eyeball develops into an egg and hatches a clone. The mushroom is not assumed to be intelligent. I assume the fungus selects based who will be its best guardians. Since its not intelligent, it probably randomly selects a variety of guardians. As it is their only means of reproduction, the little twins are obliged to guard the fungus ensuring its survival. From birth they are drawn to the fungus and feel it is important.

The eyeballs raised by the foundation have a tendency to die before they develop to the point where eggs and embryos become visible, so it takes the foundation awhile to realize that the Earth’s Eye mushroom is a “Cloning Fairy Fungus.”

The foundation’s special interest in the mushroom stems from the eyes and their apparent x-ray vision, as the eyes follow movement that is obstructed from them. The fungus was being kept in 049’s building due to the proximity of 173 – the sculpture. It was thought the eyes would have some affect on controlling it. However this is pretty much the extent to which the sculpture will be mentioned.

The tiny clones are copies of a variety of mostly human characters and comprise a tribe of beings that are hiding out between the walls of 049’s building. They were born from unattended colonies of fungus generated by escaped spores. (Turns out the fungus is a lot hardier outside of containment. Mushrooms are unpredictable like that.)

The foundation will attempt to destroy these fungal colonies later and mostly succeed hence – the pesticide (fungicide) mentioned before. The tiny clones however, do manage to escape.

An accident causes the pesticide to leak, causing a momentary crisis near the end of the tale.
A hose is damaged by gunfire. The shooter had entered an unauthorized area as part of a feud with a colleague. (I’ll stop there for brevity’s sake)

The tiny 049’s are an interesting approach. Why should I care about these characters? –

This piece deals first with the tiny clones in general, then the tiny 049 specifically. (There is only one tiny clone of 049, the rest of the clones copy an assortment of mostly human personnel.)

The little twins, as they call themselves don’t have the specific memories of their original versions. But skills and training possessed by the originals appear as a set of instincts. They are born fully clothed and often equipped with the tools of their trade. The little twins have a natural affection for others of their kind and regard them as members of the same species, though conflicts between them can occur.

Very young little twins often seem naïve or childish despite their adult appearance but grow to seem more mature over time, though they are born fully grown physically, only miniaturized. Older little twins develop insect-like wings and are capable of flight.

The Tiny Dr. Hamm leads a faction, whose end goal is destroying all of the parent fungus in foundation custody, including the main samples the foundation wants to keep. This he feels will stop the foundation from breeding his people in captivity.

The tiny 049 is younger and only just learning about himself. He has no pre-existing concept of a pestilence and mostly functions as a real and capable medic. However he can still kill with a touch and produces zombies out of the aggressive lab rats he is introduced to as part of the foundations inquiries into his nature.

The tiny 049 is introduced to a tiny scientist and the two get along as close siblings, though they spend much of their time apart from the rest of their people because they are in foundation custody and for awhile are thought to have connections to 049. Their ignorance of the situation does get them into trouble.

Overall there is a hodge-podge of elements that at the moment don't flow with each other. –

See my reply to DrReven for outlines of the first five chapters. I wanted to show how I linked events in my tale. These outlines are summaries.

Last edited on 22 Sep 2022 00:41 by Fierce fauna Show more

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

fairydoctor 22 Sep 2022 07:02

Thank you for clearing up a few things!

There are however, a lot of tiny clones.

That's cool actually!

“Cloning Fairy Fungus.”

I like this world building.

I have one more question, could you tell me the narrative of your piece in two sentences?

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Fierce fauna 27 Sep 2022 23:58

I'll give it my best shot -

049 encounters a cloning Scp that forces him to confront an unpleasant memory but seems to offer a second chance. He helps the tiny Dr. Hamm and his people escape the foundation but realizes that some things can’t be undone.

Re: [Seeking Greenlight]

Comrade Waldo 18 Sep 2022 01:00

Contacted through PM
My bad for taking so long to answer, but I'm here. Let's take a look at it.

So, the first thing that caught my attention was the moment I read: "a Tiny Dr. Hamm", and I literally reacted with a "wut". Now, this isn't a bad thing, that's actually my main interest in this article. That, along with the ending you have for 049's arc as well as the art — yes, I checked the sandbox, and it's great art that you have.

Despite that, I just find the concept fine. Despite your responses to Sage, I still feel the plotting of the story is disconnected and you go onto too many tangents, there doesn't seem a lot of connection outside of the character's interactions. And speaking of characters, the tiny 049 instances do not seem to be their own characters, and outside the relevance for the plot to move forward, we don't know much about them: not what they want, or who their "parent" is.

Don't get me wrong, this concept could work but I don't feel like the right person to review it as a concept. I'd love to see this draft in the drafts forum, I think I could help you better there. Still, if you find this critique helpful, don't hesitate in sending me a PM. Maybe if we continue this conversation my view will change, who knows? If possible, I'll talk to you soon!