I gave this a downvote but I feel like the piece was actually quite strong in some places.
The first half of the article (everything up until the end of the MTF log) is really intriguing, but everything after that feels rushed and unnatural.
Dialogue is by far the most glaring issue with this article. The agent's interview feels like a weird infodump at first (the agent is upset but then does a word vomit when first telling the interviewer his relationship with the couple??). The recording of the couple's fight (the first part where they are talking normally is okay) is also really weird to me, where the husband going crazy sounded more funny than anything, almost like a kid entering a ragestate. Lastly, the O5's dialogue at the end is rather verbose, kind of like the agent's dialogue and doesn't flow well.
There are other things in the second half which ruined the experience for me. The formatting was somewhat inconsistent. To add on, the ending didn't feel impactful but I felt like it was supposed to be.
Overall I felt like this tried to play murder mystery and emotional drama at the same time in a way that feels wonky. This could definitely work if you took this back to the drafting phase and took your time writing it.
.jpg){kind=link}
