SCP-7060 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7060.

Author Post

FluffyDog00 31 Jul 2022 23:13

An unlucky skip for a contest about luck, who woulda thunk???

I took the first image on my trip to Crested Butte, Colorado. It is under the Creative Commons 3.0 license along with the rest of the site.

The second image is under the public domain license and can be found here. It was edited by me to include the lil monster guy (who was painted onto the image by me. I'm an artist outside of SCP lmao).

I would like to thank Fish^12, FLOORBOARDS, The Son of Man and Nyelo for their invaluable feedback during the drafting phase.

Slots in order of preference:

• 7006
• 7600
• 7666
• 7060
• 7066

If none of these slots are available by the end of the contest, just give me a slot that has at least two sixes in it.

Last edited on 04 Jan 2023 21:40 by FluffyDog00 Show more

Modulum 31 Jul 2022 23:22

Feeling a novote on this one - I like the atmosphere, but the clinical tone goes off the rails in a couple places and there are some very predictable analog horror tropes this falls into.

FluffyDog00 01 Aug 2022 00:48

Trying to gradually fix clinical tone issues as I find them.

+1

RealSurrealSir 03 Aug 2022 06:22

The clinical tone isnt all that off (t least by the time Im reading it) for most if the skip. Really the only glaring part I see is the original plain-text recounting of the original victim and what he said about his dreams and experiences… maybe convert it into some kind of video diary or just a collection/series of quotes, if you want toaintaim the prose-like tone and atmosphere? Would have bonus effect lf splitting up and differentiating sections a bit too.

Other than that, and maybe the minimal explanation for why they thought amomaly was probablistic in the first place… I like this. Its spooky pretty much from the start, the atmosphere is nailed above all else, and the balance is done well where just enough info and description is given about the entity to engage you and have you wondering, but no more. +1

Last edited on 03 Aug 2022 06:25 by RealSurrealSir Show more

Re: +1

FluffyDog00 03 Aug 2022 16:03

I'm glad you enjoyed it! I tweaked some of the things you mentioned so the dream description is more like a log than a piece of prose, and made a short explanation on why they thought the anomaly is probabilistic. Thank you for the feedback regarding that!

Last edited on 03 Aug 2022 16:53 by FluffyDog00 Show more

-1

RadioactiveRADS 08 Aug 2022 04:00

The first part of the article is really immersive and creepy, but as it goes on it loses that grip on me.

Addendum 2 goes on a tangent about how they develop some anti-luck stuff, but it feels like it come out of nowhere because all we got beforehand was a monster that somehow killed people after looking after them. Then as go further we get action scenes of the creature just tearing people into shreds. This part does have its moments but it betrays the intrigue you built earlier. The note at the end also raises more questions. Why did the director disappear after saying leave?

You don't have to really explain, in fact, I think it works in the article's favor if it focused more on that stuff and less on the action stuff. Like we get the dreams of the dude and they are never mentioned again. It's like the article has two ideas, one of action and one of mystery.

Maxyfran73 08 Aug 2022 05:59

I think my main problem is that probability is the least of anyone's problems when the anomaly attacked. It can be ruled out as the guy having no idea what's going on, and that's ultimately the case, but as an introduction, it felt abrupt and with little substance. I think adding the concept of luck hurts your piece; there's many other, prolly better ways of pulling off the plot twist.

As for the anomaly, I think it has a good ambience, but the characters aren't all that interesting (Not that bad) and the development and resolution of the anomaly is rather… Uninteresting, if I'm being honest. The violence is interesting, but things like deaths happening while the cameras turn off are cheesy, and don't give the piece a consistent vibe.

Overall, I think this piece has a good concept, but the execution feels lacking. -1

totallynotenby 08 Aug 2022 15:18

Seconded. I feel as though the story id a bit bland but definately has potential but it does not fufill that potential.
_-temmy

-1

Trintavon 09 Aug 2022 03:30

I think the idea of probability/luck being included in this article is… forced, at best. The piece itself isn't poorly written, though it didn't grab me, nor was it particularly interesting, and as the anomaly was pretty much just a murder monster I wasn't particularly invested, either. I mostly agree with Maxy in that it lacks punch; it just kind of exists. Better than being outright bad, but it's just… digestible, at best. It doesn't live up to what it set out to be, in particular. Downvote, unfortunately.

Mr Carbon 14 Aug 2022 04:21

Hem… part Slender Man, part analog horror; not awful, but didn’t quite grab me, either. No vote for now. (I did like the images, though.)

#84

DrScaramouche 17 Aug 2022 02:20

Novote; your writing is strong - I especially love the subtle gut punch of the 'lesson I unfortunately will forget'. It seems shoehorned together for the con, though. Would love to revisit it if you tighten it up after the contest.

J S Writer 20 Aug 2022 11:00

• I think the article could have simply listed SCP-7000-1 as the main anomaly since it is the sole cause for the calamities in Spring Valley.

• The creep factor for the image of SCP-7000-1 could have been increased if the red circle didn’t point it out. Instead, maybe the description of the image could have simply read “top-right corner” instead of “marked by red circle”, forcing readers to see the creature themselves.

• SCP-7000-1’s abilities actually just seem like reality-bending instead of being luck-based.

• Side note: This is straight up coming out of nowhere but for some reason, while reading, I kept having the thought that the entity should have had a briefcase that it uses to bash people’s heads in (just seems fitting for the way the article described SCP-7000-1). Please ignore this random thought as it probably popped into my head because I had just rewatched TheVolgun’s video on SCP-3166.

• Rating: -1

Quicksilvers 06 Sep 2022 03:09

Novote in its current state - there's something about the actual anomaly that is really really intriguing, this thing zipping around all over the place, and whenever it appears, people go out via Final Destination. I think what throws me off is how the article phases in and out of clinical tone a bit. The dialogue also throws me off a bit, but that's probably a personal thing.

I really like the concept at the core, though!

Antis_the_name146 02 Mar 2023 07:02

Kinda reminds me of Wodner of U, but if the stand and person was stuck in one small town