SCP-7986 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7986.

Author Post

DigitalPrincess234 28 Jul 2022 07:29

This? I’m making a necklace of thalassa shells.
In the old days, sailors always wore thalassa shells.
They were supposed to ensure a safe voyage.

Well, here I am. I don’t have a magic bracelet, but I think I had enough of a journey just writing and posting. Thank you to HarryBlank and DrBalthazaar for your assistance and critique. Words cannot express my gratitude.

Image Credit!

My choices for alternative slots are:

SCP-7986
SCP-7905
SCP-7779
SCP-7003
SCP-7275

Explanation of theming + commentary

Besides just the magic bracelet and the obvious fish person, I tried to hold the theming throughout every aspect of the article. The Foundation, MTF— heck, even the sea god— probably seem like they’re teetering on the edge of oblivious and stupid. They’re not. (I hope.) They're just incredibly close to getting into an escalated situation and then it just. Never happens.

Unfortunately, this might read like a very… childish take on the Foundation. Everyone goes home at the end, the site director shakes his head because those dang kids are so reckless, and then the credits roll. I took a step back after I realized that, but then it sort of occurred to me— that’s the most unrealistic outcome, and isn’t luck supposed to be based on getting unrealistic outcomes? Getting a happy ending is rare in the SCPverse.

Azure as a character may not read like much. It’s very hard to characterize someone using this style. I did the best I could with what I had, though, and I think it paid off.

In my mind, I questioned whether or not she was reading as too self inserty. I couldn’t figure out why though. She wasn’t as developed as my other characters, and I made explicit care not to pour too much of my feelings into this. Then, I realized— Azure’s pretending to be a human researcher, and I… feel like I’m pretending to be an SCP author. Of course she feels like a self insert. The difference between us is I’m actually an SCP author now (assuming this floats) and Azure goes home at the end.

So that's fun!

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By ourselves, we’re no one. It’s when other people look at us and see someone— that’s the moment we each start to exist.

Last edited on 28 Jul 2022 07:48 by DigitalPrincess234 Show more

Dr Balthazaar 28 Jul 2022 13:10

You did it!!! I'm really glad you got your story on the wiki, it's so good and has really cool imagery. It's a brave thing, posting your first scp, especially during a competition, and I think you should feel really really proud of yourself. Congratulations!
+1

HarryBlank 29 Jul 2022 03:28

Glad to see it up, and gladder to see it still up. As Balth says, be proud! Onward and upward.

WhoIsCthulhu 04 Aug 2022 04:31

Hey, you sent me this on Reddit, this is great!!! Short and sweet, simple but effective. I really like the characterization you give to Waters and Xavier in such a short amount of time.

Gladly +1!

#50

DrScaramouche 04 Aug 2022 20:03

Reluctant downvote. All of the parts seem to be there, but the execution is riding on rails. I don't really have opinions about any of the characters by the end, up to and including the Ocean, whomst I assume I'm supposed to feel Many Things about.

This feels like an article that could very much benefit from a longer crit process after the contest is done.

Re: #50

DigitalPrincess234 06 Aug 2022 20:40

Very understandable! Thank you for the honest feedback. I was fearful someone would notice my… struggles on the characters. my biggest weakness is getting characterization of people down in this format. I was originally gonna attempt some kind of format mix up to squeeze more characterization in, but I felt the article should only take up as much space as it needed for its story to be told. Anything else would come across as very frivolous and time wastey. I figured it would be worse for people to walk away with “man, that dragged on for far to long, and was really boring and pretentious!” Rather than “eh, those characters were kind of cardboard.”

For the character of the ocean, I purposely gave them the minimal amount of characterization.

The ocean is a force, only “conscious” because of humanity’s belief in it as alive. They’re not alive in the same way we are. They’re akin to a primordial god that only cares about living and being cared for.

Yes, you can tie that into the theme of environmentalism, but the ocean isn’t caring about the ocean because she loves nature. She’s caring about it because it’s her, and humans are disrespectful of it.

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By ourselves, we’re no one. It’s when other people look at us and see someone— that’s the moment we each start to exist.

Re: #50

DrScaramouche 29 Aug 2022 02:07

I appreciate the response, and I can see where you're headed with that idea behind the Ocean.

Re: #50

DigitalPrincess234 29 Aug 2022 18:03

Maybe this whole thing would have stood better with some tales attached to it, but I don’t think that’s allowed, and I was desperately hoping that this article could stand on its own.

I’m not sure what happens to this article now, but it came out of this with 6 upvotes, so I’m considering that an achievement in it of itself.

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By ourselves, we’re no one. It’s when other people look at us and see someone— that’s the moment we each start to exist.

bubble

totallynotenby 22 Aug 2022 13:39

Honestly a little conflicted about this article. I really liked 7000-3 a being made of bubbles is so cool. The action and dialouge were done pretty well. Starting off the article was pretty shaky but it picked itself up by the end. Im glad its here. Overall pretty cool good job! +1
_-temmy

Maxyfran73 26 Aug 2022 22:05

Yeah, sorry, not a fan of this one. The idea is good, and the first half is honestly pretty interesting, but from the log onwards, the piece loses its cohesiveness. It feels rushed, and the characters slowly lose their 'character' and just transmit information. The note at the end is the nail to this: It's just info and there isn't a lot of actual impact to it. That last line about the reasoning for luck just falls in outta nowhere and makes the ending feel like it deflated.

I think this piece can work, and I like the pieces you're working with, but as it stands right now, it's a -1 from me.

-1

RadioactiveRADS 28 Aug 2022 04:40

The description doesn't really go into a lot of detail about this city and the heart of the sea. It reads as if it's rushing to get the next plot point and feels incomplete. The addendums were bizarre to me. We get no buildup, no foreshadowing, nothing, and we are thrown right in with the researcher collabing with a fish person. I know this revealed a luck charm later on, but still, it come out of nowhere and I had double check if I missed something.

Same issues with the next log. The introduction to -3 was hamfisted and I felt no tension in the
at all. Everything felt artificial and rushed at this point. I couldn't put my teeth into this one. This really needs some more focus on how the events and characters are delivered.

Nice!

DrMoxie 03 Sep 2022 18:16

This reminds me of an updated version of the shorter early SCP works. I think it's adorable and deftly handled.

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"…a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." — Oscar Wilde

Re: Nice!

DigitalPrincess234 04 Sep 2022 08:02

Thanks! One of the things I wanted to keep in mind was making sure I didn’t fluff it up. Sometimes I try to make my work have more words and be longer because I’m a fiction writer and that extra fluff is needed to evoke feelings and visuals and whatnot. SCPs are scientific documents, so I wanted to make sure that this took up only the space it needed to tell it’s story. If I was doing the format right, I was sure that even without all that “extra time,” it would turn out alright.

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By ourselves, we’re no one. It’s when other people look at us and see someone— that’s the moment we each start to exist.