SCP-7766 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7766.

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Author Post

JakdragonX 25 Jul 2022 19:29

SCP-7000 — New World Order

Hello everyone, this is my 7k submission. A lot of time and effort went into this piece, from coming up with a concept to even just outlining and then actually putting all of it into words. It's around 17,000 words, which I know is a lot.

In the past, I've used Xkon's to measure progress. My first attempt, SCP-5018, was probably the worst one of all. Then, I submitted SCP-6200, which garnered a whole lot of attention very quickly (which I'm thankful for!) So now, here's my third try. Let's hope luck's on my side, right?

Creds to Critters

Thanks to the following people who really helped me with this piece:

Ralliston — SCP-7000 - Six Feet Under

LORDXVNV — SCP-7000 - Corporate Apotheosis

fabledtiefling — SCP-7000 - Meet Me in the Stars

notgull — Forgotten Shrine

jackVS — SCP-5768 - No One Dies at Disney

Relation to Theme

It's simple: Jakob Reigen is one unlucky person. Everything that happens to him seems to be caused by bad luck, even when we think that he's finally about to do something good. By the end, he can't even escape from the Foundation or its simulation as he's introduced as the new O5-13. One could argue that the luckiest person of all in this story is Seven, and for obvious reasons.

Image Creds

1. Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon) skyline at night in District 1, Vietnam by Jim 陳, under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 2.0 Generic
2. Glitch Decor, by Rory O'Donnell under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
3. A Headshot of Alex Benoit from 2021, by Ajbenoit95 under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International
4. Chicago skyscrapers (31), by 4nitsirk under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
5. York Street Station - Brooklyn, by Diego3336 under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
6. Apartment Doors, by JamesCohen under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
7. Prison Cell the god life, by Knowles Gallery under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
8. UF Norman Interior Hallway Basement Elevator Door, by cdsessums, under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
9. Central London offices floor at CBRE, by EG Focus under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
10. Office Stairs, by typicalgenius under Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Preferred Slots

1. SCP-7777
2. SCP-7200
3. SCP-7X00
4. SCP-7666
5. SCP-7766
6. Any slot closest to SCP-7000

Last edited on 29 Aug 2022 10:54 by JakdragonX Show more

bloombrry 01 Aug 2022 22:19

Loved it! Very engaging and had me at the edge of my seat, I hope you win!

#11, +1

Ralliston 25 Jul 2022 20:38

Reading this feels like watching an extremely engaging action movie in the best ways possible; the aforementioned fantastic action is really what makes this article shine, and the general story and atmospheric setting only help this. The cybernetic vibes this has also really make it feel unique and original. And, oh god, the formatting is so unbelievably sexy I think I might want to propose to it.

Having read all of your xcon entries, this is really the best of them, and it really shows your growth as an author; you've come a really long way, friend. I am incredibly excited to see what more you can come up with in the future and equally happy I could see you become who you are today.

Really, really great work; easily in the top 3 of my favorite entries so far in the contest.

Last edited on 27 Jul 2022 20:48 by Ralliston Show more

bigslothonmyface 25 Jul 2022 22:43

I tried to do character work for this contest and abandoned it, because I wasn’t able to produce something I could stand behind. I am jealous of how well you hold it together here. I hope this goes far my friend!

notgull 26 Jul 2022 05:17

Watching your style evolve into this has been a stupendous transformation, Jak. Yes, it’s long. Yes, it generally follows a single character, which tends to be an antipattern in the SCP format. But by the pure virtue of making me engaged in what’s happening next, I was glued to the screen.

The story here is far from original. The wording is a bit clunky, and I still feel like the two storylines could be more tightly intertwined. The logs go on a bit longer than what would be necessary. The ending is rough around the edges. I’m sure there are other articles in this canon that could explain the holes I’m feeling in the lore, but this SCP is relatively self contained for what it is.

Any of these issues are smoothed out by engaging characters and the raw suspense for what’s about to happen next. It feels like Deus Ex, in the best way possible. By far my favorite article in the contest so far.

+1

basirskipreader 26 Jul 2022 05:34

This is the Matrix, with a twist ending. I got fucking baited hook line and sinker you fucking whore and I loved it from start to finish.

The world is Cyberpunk2077 but Matrix-ified. It's mostly background noise, since its just our world with a neon-covered paint and Raytheon rules over our souls, but it does serve to highlight the oppressiveness of the simulation. I wish it was highlighted more how subtlely different that world is from this, but the characters and action more than make up for it.

MatPat Game Theory Reigen is Neo, but even more generic somehow and not trans, downvote, yet his genericness serves to highlight the two players here, like they (okay, lets be real here — she) move/s him around as a pawn in their greater schemes. Ryan and Adrian's dynamic is fascinating, with the ending completely twisting it on its head.

The plot is very long, but somehow feels short, since the scenes with Reigen are broken up with the chat logs between an O5 and another O5. As we see Reigen know about the Matrix, he gathers 2 more people, and escape the Matrix, only to find his most trusted friend actually be against him the whole time. It's a nice narrative, and I was definitely hooked all the way through.

The ending knocked me out. You usually follow predictable plotlines, but this one just came out of nowhere and stabbed me. It was also pretty broadcasted, to be honest, and it's really good.

Overall, you can sense the two heavy inspirations this piece has, but it does stand on its own. +1

HarryBlank 27 Jul 2022 09:40

The confidence leaps off the page with this one, and it's well-earned because you definitely know what you're doing. The mix of action, humour, worldbuilding and characterization is stronger here than ever before in what I've read from you, and you've always been a much harsher critic of yourself than you deserve. Stop shit-talking JakdragonX, JakdragonX, look what he can do!

It's a really terrific, fun, funny, bizarre and clever bit of writing, and I hope you're very proud of yourself.

TeslaShock 28 Jul 2022 20:01

Dope article Jak, rooting for you on this one! +1

Last edited on 29 Jul 2022 11:18 by TeslaShock Show more

S D Locke 31 Jul 2022 13:37

Gonna have to Nth everyone else’s compliments here: this was such a fun and engaging read. Fully in agreement with Rall’s action movie comment - it’s so packed with intrigue, fun dialogue, espionage that it’s got a blockbuster vibe.

I’m really digging all the groundwork you’re laying for SIMALCRUM, and if it’s something that can produce such polished, original stories such as this, the site will be much better off for it. An engaging read through and through, even if I did have one Morbillion nitpicks.+1

#36

DrScaramouche 01 Aug 2022 04:00

Critique

I'm sorry, I just… there's too much that isn't tied together or justified, and it runs on rails. Yes, I know all stories are technically on rails, but this one seems preordained: let me explain. As a playwright, I was taught that the story is what happens when you stop forcing your plot on characters. Here, we have fairly stock characters, who rely very heavily on established character/archetypes from modern mythology. That could be alright, if they were allowed to flesh themselves out in any real sense. Instead, they're handed one of the standard storylines we've come to know in recent fiction, and pushed out onto the tracks.

At the end, we find out our two supporting characters are in fact the coyote and roadrunner from our meta narrative, and that somehow the inner story has led to plot advancement in the meta, and that our main protagonist— who we don't hear from at the finale — is all a part of it.

What we're not given is a reason to care about any of them. Why does any of this matter? I don't know what side I want to win — and not because of some grey moral ambiguity or high-level ethical quandary, but because, quite frankly, no one has told me the stakes. Is 13 fighting against a corrupt evil takeover? Or is 1 the noble savior of the federation, and 13 the final vestige of the old guard?

Or, most dry of all, is this just the story of a power struggle between two more-or-less equal bad-faith actors?

I am no voting this for now — it's too well written to justify a down vote. Perhaps other comments will shed light on things I've missed. I'll come back around later on. As it stands now, however, this is extremely well-executed, but lacking.

Last edited on 01 Aug 2022 04:02 by DrScaramouche Show more

Re: #36

JakdragonX 01 Aug 2022 04:46

Hello!

+ show block

I'd like to shed some light on this comment myself. While there's a lot to unpack here, let me just try to answer the more obvious questions first:

What we're not given is a reason to care about any of them. Why does any of this matter?

This is a very tough question to actually answer because throughout the story I've tried doing just this. To give you (in this sense, the reader) several reasons to care about these characters. From the initial conflict of Reigen learning about the truth on the subway train to Seven following orders from One to hunt down her target — all of these goals and external conflicts are there purposely to make you care about them and give the story purpose.

1. Does Seven accomplish her goal?
2. Does Reigen break free from this world?
3. Why is Thirteen being hunted down?

These questions were intended to be the progressive force throughout the story and, by the sounds of your comment above, it seems that they, atleast in some part, were successful in doing just that (otherwise I doubt you would've continued until the end).

Beyond that, however, I'm simply unsure of what you're looking for here? There shouldn't really be any ambiguity, considering how there are several key identifiers presented in the story that clearly state who the antagonizing force is. For example:

1. Seven literally kills a valet for being slow
2. One intentionally puts a hit on a Council member for going against him
3. This new "One" has replaced an older "One" who went by the name of "Felix" before.
4. Seven threatens Reigen's life at the very end
5. Seven kills Thirteen and makes a pretty damning claim that she's going to kill several more members

Thirteen in this story, while not being as clearly defined, is clearly the opposition here. Reigen is also a key player but he's used more as a jumping off point and an extended character arc throughout a much larger narrative at play. The implied idea throughout all of this (especially if you read the final line closely), is that One/Seven are apart of a newer O5 Council (or "Order") that's intended to replace the old guard like Thirteen for going against their plans, which is whatever this SIMULACRUM is.¹

Sucks that it didn't work for you, though! Hopefully the answers I've listed above might help you digest this entry better :)

Footnotes

1. To be fair, SIMULACRUM is still an idea in it's infancy. I've crosslinked several other articles that also use SIMULACRUM if you're interested.

Last edited on 01 Aug 2022 04:49 by JakdragonX Show more

Re: #36

DrScaramouche 01 Aug 2022 13:27

Heya, thank you so much for taking the critique with such grace. I hope I wrote it in such a way not to offend, but if so, I apologize. I really appreciate you taking the time to answer some of my concerns.

Deeper down the rabbit hole

I think I see our disconnect, and now that I read through your response, it is a disconnect, not a fault of the writing. So please now take what I write below as hopefully constructive critique, in case there are others who have the same reading.

Our first character that we are led to follow is Seven. At the start, this implanted in my mind the idea that Seven was the character I was to be rooting for. For me, the death of the valet/Seven killing people did not immediately trigger a sense of Seven being an antagonist. People get shot in stories all the time, and morality is very flexible, especially on this wiki. I think the standard idea of good/bad has been bludgeoned out of me by this point. This, therefor, may very well not apply to other readers with different perspectives.

For the flow of the story, yes. I did come to treat Reigen as a character about whom I felt connected to, in the "don't kill him off" sense. As I mentioned, this is very well written, so your hook there did land. What I speak of about connection/caring is more of an overall thing — once the action is over, I'm left without knowing if Reigen "winning" is desirable in the long run.

This is primarily because of something I mentioned in my earlier critique, namely: if we do not see the killing as necessarily evil, then there is nothing to tell me if one of the Overseers is "good" and the other "bad", or what side I'm cheering for. After such a long action story where it is obvious that Reigen "should" come out alive, I'm left not knowing if him becoming part of this new Council is good or bad — for him, for us, for the Foundation. (What if 13 and their Council were the Grimdark Evil Council that we see in so many stories, and One and Seven are, in fact, a young Clef and Bright, fighting for the soul of the Foundation the only way they can — with violence? See where my disconnect lies?)

I wonder if some of these answers are found in the articles you cross-linked — I'll go back and read those and see what gets filled in, and then come back to this. For now, keeping your vision in mind, I am changing this to an upvote, and will return to read it again. It is well written, so it deserves a second look now that you've shed some insight. Again, thank you for taking the time to write back to me.

nitpick

loddite 09 Aug 2022 21:38

great article but the deepwell site being 600km underground would place it deeply within earth's mantle. The crust is only 30km or so thick. I'm only pointing this out because I found the idea of putting a datacenter's worth of servers in a room surrounded by super hot magma really funny.

Also, shot in the dark here,

but

I'm guessing they're making simulacrum to have a world without anomalies that is directly under their control.

Last edited on 09 Aug 2022 21:47 by loddite Show more

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