SCP-7996 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7996.

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Författarpost (author post in Swedish)

andromedaz 25 Jul 2022 04:10

Where do forgotten ideas go? 🤔

Alright y'all. Here is my attempt at a contest entry. This was one of those times where; 'The idea will not work because it is so nonsensical and absurd. But because of that, it might just work. If I'm lucky.' This is especially true given how much of a headache pataphysics are.

Thank you to Kothardarastrix and Ghost Jackal for giving their thoughts on this. I was hoping to get more crit, but the inefficient idiot that is me took up almost every last day. I'm…not the fastest writer.

Preferred slots:

• 7999
• 7998
• 7997
• 7996
• 7995
• 7994

…you get the point. I'll take whatever is the closest available slot to SCP-8000.

Thank you for reading! You are amazingly awesome! ッ

+ Here are the fragment pages for anyone wondering.

Page I
Page II
Page III
Page IV

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Last edited on 07 Aug 2022 02:20 by andromedaz Show more

Roufhous 28 Jul 2022 13:14

G'day

So, I'm a bit skeptical about this. On the one hand, it has a pretty novel and unique idea of what it wants to accomplish, which it plays with in several different interesting ways. It features palatable pataphysics (Looking at you, 6747) and good writing and formatting.

+ Opendoot

On the other hand, it has some instances of poor characterization and dialague, it jumps from a description of what it is, which fails to convey a sense of urgency, to people referring to it as incredibly important, it has several bits that display too little information or updates in too many words, and the endings are quite blatantly spelling out which one is the happy ending (The one you should go for) - It features the protagonist listing off 3 options, 2 of which they overly describe and state are probably the wrong options, resulting in rather predictable outcomes.

What I mean by poor dialague/characterization could be best displayed in the CotBG, GOC, and SCP meeting, wherein both the GOC and CotBG are extremely flanderized to the point where Fitzrovia can't go 5 seconds without mentioning something about Mekhane and Karlheinz can't stop talking about guns, bombs, and murdering the author.

The parts involving about SCP-4000 or Corbenic don't really contribute much to the article, and are rather disorienting considering that some people might not know that much about Corbenic (Myself included) or SCP-4000.

The description of the ending choices are coerce-ive, as the guy who knows the most about this literally tells the audience which one they should and shouldn't choose, which ends up going exactly as planned - If Cygnus doesn't like it, it ends the world. Project CHANGE doesn't even give a description of what the planned procedure would be, other than telling you that this is what you should do. The outcome of all this was me intentionally choosing Project ACTION and SETFREE before CHANGE, hoping for an unpredictable outcome which didn't happen.

Overall, I'm conflicted. I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave it at a No-vote leaning towards an Upvote.

Good day.

Ethagon 29 Jul 2022 12:48

This mostly reflects my thoughts as well. I think something like the corbernic and fae section would have fit better at the start of the article (albeit a bit shorter) to better visualize the stakes of this apocalypse and a lot of the first e-mail discussion could be cut. I like the idea behind what is actually causing the dissolution, but right now it's a -1.

andromedaz 29 Jul 2022 16:19

Heyo!

I do agree with you on the ending situation, in that it seemed pointless to choose the other two endings. The original idea was for the endings to be randomized, but I ultimately ended up using the 6500 option. If I can, I will try to revise parts of that section (given the editing entry rules).

The parts involving about SCP-4000 or Corbenic don't really contribute much to the article, and are rather disorienting considering that some people might not know that much about Corbenic (Myself included) or SCP-4000.

This is a trade off when crosslinking skips in my opinion. You have to accept the fact that not everyone might not know the skips you're crosslinking, and may get confused when reading the article. That being said though, I'm sorry if that section left you confused.

Thank you for your input though! It is appreciated!

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Maxyfran73 02 Aug 2022 04:34

Hmmm. Think I'll have to novote. I think this piece suffers from not really being all that engaging. You start with a good concept but then goes the usual pataphysics way: We're fictional so we need to fight our author. By the premise itself it becomes derivative of almost every other pataphysics piece. I think the concept of the author outright not caring about the piece is interesting, and the 'choices' at the end are good; I did like the third option. The rest though is just… Not really all that interesting. In general, it feels like a slog to get through. The character aren't interesting, the action isn't engaging, and just overall it doesn't gather enough excitement; not until the 'happy ending' anyhow.

I think more fleshed out characters would help this piece a lot, since a big portion of this piece relies on mail exchanges and logs, and they are one of the weakest parts of this imo.

Last edited on 02 Aug 2022 04:34 by Maxyfran73 Show more

andromedaz 07 Aug 2022 17:57

Thank you for your input. I'm sorry to hear that. I've been trying to think of ways to flesh out parts, but that is easier said than done for me, as I've struggled in being critical with this.

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Last edited on 07 Aug 2022 17:59 by andromedaz Show more

totallynotenby 10 Aug 2022 21:12

I second maxyfrans point although I still do want to say the final scene of the third ending was done very well. I think if you checked your dialouge and tweaked it a bit to make it more engaging and flushed out more of the beggining of the story it would make this article far more enjoyable. Good job on the last part though endings are hard!
_-temmy

Last edited on 10 Aug 2022 21:12 by totallynotenby Show more

Pataphysicist 04 Aug 2022 14:43

I think the title is spelt wrong; it’s losing, with one ‘o’.

andromedaz 07 Aug 2022 00:01

Thank you! Did not realize that.

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Last edited on 07 Aug 2022 00:02 by andromedaz Show more

+1

Trintavon 10 Aug 2022 03:32

Ending Choice: Project ACTION

As will all multiple path articles I've read, I make my judgements of the article on my first experience, i.e. the first ending I experienced. In this case, that would be the ACTION ending. Truth be told, I did not quite enjoy this ending overall, but it was well-written and still provided a proper conclusion albeit a rather dissatisfying one.

That being said, I liked this article overall! This is one of my first pataphysics reads and it was extremely intriguing, though the overt inclusion of multiple big-name characters such as Bright and Tilda Moose could probably have been replaced with characters designed for the narrative being told, despite them not detracting as it currently stands. The narrative was almost fun in its self-awareness, and it took itself seriously enough that it didn't come across as long or uninteresting. Overall, a good read.

Re: +1

andromedaz 10 Aug 2022 05:08

Truth be told, I did not quite enjoy this ending overall, but it was well-written and still provided a proper conclusion albeit a rather dissatisfying one.

This is the only time I hope I will say this (unless I write something similar another time); dissatisfaction was the reaction I tried to incur with the ACTION ending.

This is one of my first pataphysics reads and it was extremely intriguing, though the overt inclusion of multiple big-name characters such as Bright and Tilda Moose could probably have been replaced with characters designed for the narrative being told

The main reason for including these characters was my attempt to set a headcanon akin with the 'classic, come-to-mind Foundation' I wanted for this story. It felt better to use avatars than trying to crosslink skips.

Glad you enjoyed the read! ッ

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Last edited on 10 Aug 2022 05:09 by andromedaz Show more

Mr Carbon 13 Aug 2022 02:46

At first, I was like: oh, good: pataphysics.

But then I was like: oh! Good pataphysics.

As you can tell, I’m not the hugest fan of pataphysics in the sense we mean on this Wiki. I think it’s too often a recipe for literary navel-gazing. But, concerns about bloat and characterization aside, you kept this relatively simple, and to me it’s the better for it.

andromedaz 13 Aug 2022 15:16

Keeping pataphysics simple might just be the hardest thing to write. Trying to make them comprehensible and palatable was a challenge!

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

#105

DrScaramouche 24 Aug 2022 22:11

I agree pretty much with Roufhaus and Moxy, so I won't go into detail. Short version is that it was a slog to get through, the prose is beyond purple, and the premise is not nearly novel enough to justify the weight given to it.

I did appreciate the nod to Corbenic. Place doesn't get enough love.

-1, sorry. ):

Re: #105

andromedaz 27 Aug 2022 17:34

Short version is that it was a slog to get through,

Sighs. I tried to make it as slog and irrelevant plot-point free as possible.

the prose is beyond purple

I'll be honest and say I don't know what you mean by this.

I do appreciate you reading though. Thank you for your comment!

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

no vote. Will check back later

Twisted_Code 26 Aug 2022 14:19

But I'll definitely revisit at some point to see if you can fix the stuff that bothered me.

bad stuff first:
-First, as others have said, the balancing between the 3 choices was handled poorly. It's okay if there is one "correct" choice, but I don't think it should be so obvious even before clicking. The protagonist tells us the one he recommends but says it's classified? You'd have to be incredibly genre-blind to miss that billboard in its blazing glory. And I'm not actually sure I agree that SETFREE would've failed like that.
-To me at least, it seemed some of the best characterization, instead of being toward the beginning where it's needed most any work, happened toward the end when O5-1 is talking about growing numb, and the protagonist lets us in on his philosophy about luck. I need to be able to get into the head of the protagonist in order to properly enjoy.
-Honestly, end of the world scenarios is kind of a crowded market, especially on this site.
Pros:
+despite my third point above, I do like the overall narrative. I like pataphysics, when I can wrap my head around it, and you managed to do something like that.
+Thanks for involving Corbenic and that really weird forest where names must never be spoken, titles never used, and about which somehow the foundation can't think to extend the nomenclature ridiculously like this. I love both of those and like seeing them show up in other works.
+Although I don't like how the endings were balanced, I do like the "true ending". Like the protagonist, I have noticed the incredible unlikelihood of my existence, and sometimes jokingly congratulate myself on managing to be born and, furthermore, surviving into my twenties. Ha.

Re: no vote. Will check back later

andromedaz 27 Aug 2022 17:27

First, as others have said, the balancing between the 3 choices was handled poorly. It's okay if there is one "correct" choice, but I don't think it should be so obvious even before clicking. The protagonist tells us the one he recommends but says it's classified? You'd have to be incredibly genre-blind to miss that billboard in its blazing glory. And I'm not actually sure I agree that SETFREE would've failed like that.

I've decided against doing any significant revisions (which is what I want to do for the section that presents the three choices; it was one of my least favorite sections to write) until the contest is over. It feels wrong changing what one brought to the table right now.

e: A word on SETFREE; when creating the bad ending, I just took some cues from SCP-3001 and ran with those. So that is where the elements of SETFREE come from.

I need to be able to get into the head of the protagonist in order to properly enjoy.

Characters is something I'm trying to get better at.

I like pataphysics, when I can wrap my head around it, and you managed to do something like that.

Thank you for this complement, as it was a challenge to do!

Like the protagonist, I have noticed the incredible unlikelihood of my existence, and sometimes jokingly congratulate myself on managing to be born and, furthermore, surviving into my twenties. Ha.

I've heard that one has a 1:idk how many trillions chance of existing. While I think there is some baloney with that calculation, luck is a blessing in this universe (which is the moral of the story).

Thank you for your comment!

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where we landing? not tilted! ッ

Last edited on 27 Aug 2022 17:31 by andromedaz Show more

Difficult to Finish

wmadyda 07 Sep 2022 02:03

I made it about a third of the way through and then skimmed the rest.

+ show block

I know that contest entries tend to be long, but this one seems needlessly long. I made it up until the point where you started having random employees email the O5 council. It being specifically Dr. Bright has no impact on what he said. Shoehorning in Director Moose likewise doesn't add anything aside from that she was Serpent's Hand, and making her mention that is just heavy-handed exposition.

Then, the project lead interjects and tells the O5 council to stop guessing? That's when my suspension of disbelief completely collapses. Even if what the O5 council is doing isn't actively helping, it doesn't make much sense for them to only be exploring their options with a single team. It makes even less sense that they would immediately defer to the doctor in charge of the project. I've worked in management; if I, as the manager of a shift, told the president of the company to stop interfering in my affairs, I'd be unemployed within 24 hours.

To be clear, the story is not inherently bad, I just don't think it's particularly well executed. A lot of the exchanges just are not believable on an interpersonal level. Said succinctly, people just don't work like that. There's a lot of conflict for the sake of conflict, but most of it doesn't do anything to drive the story. Similarly, there's a lot of different people and GoI's shoehorned in, and most of them seem completely irrelevant to the story you're telling.

It's a -1 from me, but it's not unsalvageable.

Possible typos?

Aindriahhn 12 Feb 2023 19:52

Are the SCP-7000 references intended to refer to the current SCP-7000, or this skip (SCP-7996)

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