SCP-7004 / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-7004.

page 1 of 512345next »

Ecronak 25 Jul 2022 04:06

"They were just unlucky."

So here's my 7000 contest entry! It's been such a nervewracking journey from the announcement of the theme up until my posting, but hopefully it'll be worth it in the end! This is more than triple the word count of my previously longest SCP, and was such a far cry from my normal writing process that I felt burnt out on it on more than a few occasions. Still, it's such a rush to get this out there, and I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it!

---

Explanation

The PETALs were people from another universe, threatened by a sudden collapse in the fabric of their reality. In a desperate gambit to evacuate the population of their universe, the Foundation decided to transplant everyone into another universe, using their equivalents in our universe as a hook to pull in more people from theirs.

However, something went wrong, and instead of perfectly transferring their people into our universe, those affected by the infohazard the Foundation released instead exploded into SCP-7000 instances. This had the side effect of driving most of the people (now PETALs) insane, but effectively harmless- they were just trying to rebuild their world in ours, asking for help, and asking where they were.

A small subset of PETALs/7000-1s, however, were sane- including the Administrator that started this. In an attempt to salvage this new world, the Administrator told every sane PETAL to head to SCP-2000, where he would be able to reset the world into something resembling theirs, even if they'll all be wiped out after doing so. As this was another universe, with a different history for 2000 to go through, he opted for the very date where our histories diverged, and tried to access 2000 with that in mind, but could not. That was what Navarra activated- a world where they can move on together, where they were still one. In essence, when they weren't so divided.

The ending for this skip was something that was constant all throughout the ideation process. I wanted it to give hope, provide a light at the end of the tunnel for such a grim scenario.

Our world today is torn apart by forces almost entirely of our own making, divisions rent entirely by our hands, and it's safe to say that, no matter where you are, people hurt other people for the sake of their own agendas. This article was made with the idea in mind that, no matter how horrible the things we've done to each other are, we still must look to the future, to the world yet to come. Forgiveness may be hard to come by, especially in the face of scars and terrible memories, but we owe it to ourselves to at least try to move past that- or at least, help each other heal from that. We may not have 2000 to help us along, but we have each other- and isn't that what matters, in the end?

---

Also, SPECIAL THANKS TO ALL THE CRITTERS BELOW:
Toast
WizzBlizz
AnAnomalousWriter
Leah
Cole13
Tyumen
Basirskipreader
notgull
Veralta
Erminustay
psychicProgrammer
Guaire
Lime
Vivarium
bigslothonmyface
aftokrator
Kish
JackalRelated
PlaguePJP
Fish^7
UraniumEmpire

And especially to AnAnomalousWriter for making that kickass first image! You've been making stuff for me since last year, and I appreciate it just as much as that first time each time you do it. Thank you so so much!

---

And now, for my slot preferences-
1. 7999
2. 7777
3. Any number from 7001-7005
4. 7666
5. 7007
6. 7111
7. 7222
8. 7888
9. 7700
10. 7800

Last edited on 12 Aug 2022 11:17 by Ecronak Show more

AnAnomalousWriter 25 Jul 2022 05:03

:D
It be a pleasure working with you to bring le article to life :)

Ecronak 27 Jul 2022 15:20

Note: Ending has now been modified to be more climactic and with better characterization.

Good luck and good article

MrIverson 25 Jul 2022 04:21

o7

+1

notgull 25 Jul 2022 05:01

This article confirms a suspicion I've had about the SCP format for a while now: it just isn't as good at telling traditional stories that follow a set group of protagonists through an adventure. It's fantastic for telling a series of small, related stories (which is why I suspect that composition articles have done well lately), but fitting the usual serialized story you'd find in a novel into it difficult.

My main issue with the article is that, by the time you're introduced to the main characters, the SCP format has already run itself through and the hook's worn off. If you introduced them earlier (say, maybe framed the SCP document as the MTF stumbling upon the documentation), this issue might be fixed, but as it stands I can't find myself engaged with them.

There is a significant amount of effort put into this article's presentation and body, and the ending was alright once I was able to push my way to it, but I really shouldn't be forcing myself to read the article.

-1

Amazing 7k Entry!

DrNBurr 25 Jul 2022 05:07

I really enjoyed this! When first reading, it seemed like it was some typical Apollyon world-ending threat, but as I got to the journey logs I saw that it went deeper than that.

I as I was enjoying it I struggled to understand what this had to do with the contest theme of "Luck", until I reached the end. Just people, trying to survive, and getting unlucky in their attempt to do so.

Awesome job!

+1

Last edited on 25 Jul 2022 05:08 by DrNBurr Show more

LORDXVNV 25 Jul 2022 05:16

For the purposes of critting 7k, I will be assessing your work on a 5-point scale where 1 is actively unenjoyable and 5 is exemplary. I understand that this may come off as cold, but given the volume of work I expect to be produced I feel this is a necessity. Finally, this is entirely my personal opinion.

Scoring Matrix, may contain spoilers

Criteria	Comment	Score
Ideas and Content	The anomaly is people from another dimension bursting out of humans in our dimension if they believe that they are human. The actual story is about two girls on a road trip trying to save humanity. The core anomaly feels like watered down antimemetics division. The actual story is just log upon log of dialogue and banter with very little look into the inner lives of these people — they exist solely to be violent action figures focused on the job. I want to talk about the mechanisms of the anomaly as well. People bursting out of stomachs, hated a bunch at first to the point where the world will get rid of them, and the transmission vector is acknowledging them as people — I might be crazy here, but it's hard not to read something of an anti-abortion metaphor in here.	2
Organization	I feel this is too long. The piece starts with the equivalent of a cold open with a description of the anomaly. Why do I need to know how tall this person is to the centimeter? Then, the entirety of the story is told through transcript when I feel much of it could be summarized.	2
Voice	What can I say. It's an Ecronak piece. I said on Sisters Forever that I personally felt that many of these works appealed to surface level emotions without having anything deeper to say. It would be unfair of me to repeat that without qualification. We are told to care for the two women on the road trip. We are told to care for the Blossom event people. But for the life of me I can't think of why beyond them being "human too", a frankly rather basic message.	3
Word Choice/Clinical Tone	The words are chosen precisely.	5
Sentence Fluency	The technical execution for the most part is well done.	5
Aesthetic	The use of red text on black background might work as a scare tactic, but it's also inconvenient to read. The large portion that reads "vector removed" in large red text is frankly obnoxious imo, meant to be cinematic but ultimately reads as cheesy. The use of fonts and colors is frankly all over the place.	1
Audience and respect	Senior Staff Author Avatars are thrown in, for reader appeal. It's long, in a contest filled with long works, on a dark theme, half of the length of which is dialog transcripts.	1

Verdict:
-1. It feels like an abortion metaphor in favor of the "unborn", even after I assume multiple rounds of crit. There are just issues with the core idea there and the arc of the piece. Bursting out of stomachs + transmitted by acknowledging them as people + ultimately unlucky + accepting it. Like, at the end, Navarra's effectively lost her friend to an unpreventable childbirth… and she chooses to be entirely sympathetic to the people who caused it?

I dunno. There's a lot going on here. Maybe a different reader would pick out an entirely different allegory.

Criteria:

Ideas and content: Is the story clear and well defined? Is there a rich sense of detail that creates a picture of environment and action, depicting knowledge and insight? Is it a fresh approach to the core anomaly?

Organization: Does the piece have a memorable hook and stinger that establish focus? Is the sequence of events effective and logical? Do transitions between sections (addenda, etc) tie the ideas of the SCP together?

Voice: Does the writing evoke strong emotion? Does it feel like the writer has fully committed to the ideas that they're writing about? Does the piece have a strong connection to the audience and purpose? Is the writer's personality expressed in that their confidence and feeling are apparent?

Word choice/clinical tone: Does the language use fitting imagery to convey pictures in readers' minds? Are the verbs powerful, the nouns precise, and the adjectives appropriate? Is dialogue, if used, natural sounding but not overwrought? Does the use of clinical tone effectively create a scientific atmosphere without obscuring meaning? If clinical tone is abandoned, is it intentional?

Sentence Fluency: Do sentences contain words that are relevant so that the meaning is enhanced and minimal unnecessary words that detract from meaning? Do sentences vary in beginnings, length, and structure. Do sentences sound smooth and rhythmic when read aloud, so they invite expressive reading?

Aesthetic: Is the CSS thematically fitting for the story being told? Is the page pleasant to look at? Is the page honest about how long it will take to read at first glance? Are format screws and other experiential flair relevant to the anomaly described?

Audience and respect: Does this respect the audience's time? Does it want to the audience to care about something that they know about? Does it rely too heavily on outside knowledge?

Based on: https://studylib.net/doc/25350238/creative-writing-rubric

basirskipreader 25 Jul 2022 05:23

I will disclose my involvement with this up front — I was a critter for this piece. I will keep this review spoiler-free as much as possible though.

Part 1: is it related to the theme

However, the emotional depth that this SCP demonstrates is pretty good! Let's get it out of the way though — it's very tenuously connected to the theme at all. Luck/probability as a theme does not factor majorily in the plot, till the ending. Not only does it expertly play with your emotions, it does so through our two characters — Mullins and Navarra.

Part 2: Mullins and Navarra

Mullins is the wide-eyed newbie, eager to protect the world from what the Foundation has termed "anomalies", while Navarra is the jaded pro at the job, who's willing to abandon the Foundation at the drop of a hat due to Bad Experiences from them. However, they are placed in the most unfair situation — asked to save a world and a Foundation that loathes their existence, in addition to surviving from the multiple amalgamate monsters that now roam the country.

The dynamic between Mullins and Navarra is also wonderous. Going from strict teammates to possibly lovers, this relationship is built up organically, and you can feel each of their personalities as distinct from one another. The way they interplay with each other during the action scenes is amazing, and definitely makes you the reader more aware of their growing friendship.

Part 3: The Monsters

These monsters remind me a lot of Junji Ito or Alien — the way the monsters are described to burst out and crawl from the bodies brings to mind parasites that lay their eggs in their host and burst out when they are fully grown. However, the author manages to inject some humanity from these inhumans, making them mimic human behaviour and giving them animalistic behaviour to emphasize their inhumanity.

Part 4: Action

Speaking of the action scenes, there isn't really a lot, but boy do they bring in the tension. Despite already knowing the ending to this skip, it still manages to make me tense, and the way the action is describe really lends it that incredible quality of descriptive enough that you can feel your breathe tighten along with the characters.

Part 5: Ending
However, I personally didn't like the ending, although it does excellently make its point across. Not to say I hate it — it's an ending that ties it to the theme and makes everything feel more depressing.

spoilers for the ending

I personally didn't like it because to me, "whoops it was just an unfortunate situation uwu :clown_girl_pensive: " feels extremely like a cop-out, and I wish there was an ending of this piece where the luck factor was more properly integrated in the story||.

It does serve to add on the depression after you have trudged through tragedy after tragedy, and the final thing the protagonists do was a powerful sign of hope.

Overall, a great story, with cool action, and a great relationship, with an ending I'm personally not keen on, but does add to the atmosphere. +1

FluffyDog00 25 Jul 2022 07:37

This brings the classic Ecronak trauma horror and expands it to epic horizons, giving us a Daybreak-esque entry that will for sure be a classic apocalyptic piece.

Loved this the whole way through. Great characterizations, disturbing visual descriptions, and a great ending that reinstates the contest theme and wraps the whole thing in a neat little bow.

+1

OzzyLizard 25 Jul 2022 08:09

Definitely one of, if not the best, end of the world articles I've read. Definitely a rival to Locke's Proposal in my eyes.

+1

TechDoomsday 25 Jul 2022 11:48

This piece had me hooked, the plot was riveting and the post by post action had me turning the proverbial page curious as to what may happen next. It was to an extent enjoyable getting more and more information about it. The most awe inspiring bit was the buildings they made, seemingly nonsensical buildings. However I was under the impression they were doing so anomalously and creating impossible geometries. Reading it all through though reveals they weren’t doing this and that there would be no real follow up on that idea I was so excited to be expanded on.

The characters are entertaining Face value, but seem defined by singular predictable characterizations Which can work in most media but aren’t very deep, we have the scared rookie and we have the no-nonesense beatcop sworn to duty at all costs. The interactions of these two archetypes while tiring didn’t break the story at all for me, in fact they were a factor of familiarity, grounding for what I hoped would be a more deep compelling anomaly. We got an unsatisfying reveal to an anomaly with a shallow concept. I’m addition the text specifically in the logs didn’t flow well, the descriptors I feel we’re too long and I found myself dredging through a lot of unnecessary text to get to the dialogue.

I was ultimately disappointed by the ending and as LORDXVNV said, seems like a allegory for… abortion? While reading I didn’t even think about it but with more though out in It begins to have more and more merit. To put it plainly, I think that’s what held it back, from what I could tell the forcing of a specific message. The ending made no sense either, there was no real development to such a sudden change, just minutes ago her friend died to this thing and now she’s sympathetic? It read to me as ultimately unsatisfying. It’s a passable conclusion but it doesn't get stellar marks for believability character-wise.

Fun to read! But work on the conclusion +0

Edit: Ecronak has since edited it
Good show, ecronack.
Contrivances lessened, navvara doesnt have a complete 180 in opinion from one chat, and her arc is more succinct.
I like it, it feels more satisfying.
+1

---

As for oblivion? Delay that, we have more work to do.

Last edited on 28 Jul 2022 10:25 by TechDoomsday Show more

Percevale 25 Jul 2022 12:39

I was going to downvote because I feel like we have a lot of apollyon/amida/critical going on and the body horror wasn't particularly hooky for me, but personally I actually really liked the ending so I switched to a no-vote. I like an unexpectedly bittersweet ending and there was just enough plot twist foreshadowing to land it without coming totally out of the blue.

Glad I made it through the earlier parts, though I was skimming a bit for most of the tale-formatted section.

Edit: Changed to an upvote actually because I was still thinking about it after coffee. Still not sure what it has to do with the theme though.

Last edited on 25 Jul 2022 12:41 by Percevale Show more

OUTSTANDING

Senpao 26 Jul 2022 03:44

COMMON ECRONAK W

page 1 of 512345next »