Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

Summary:

based on one of three pre-existential entities, Khaos

Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 07 Jun 2022 08:07

This SCP concept covers the development of an SCP based on one of three pre-existential entities, Khaos, the void, nothingness.

I moved and trimmed your thread summary, since it was taking up extra space in the main forum screen. Try to keep thread descriptions (the text in the little box under the thread title) and titles short so you don't crowd out other authors in the forum listing. ~Zyn

Seeking Greenlight: Yes

Page Type: SCP Article

Genre: Horror / Action

Page Layout: I will first describe the SCP from the perspective of a Foundation faculty member shortly after first contact with this SCP. I will then go on to list the first log of communication between this faculty member and the entity, where it will divulge and seek association with The Foundation and account for its history and reasoning. Under the constraints of the nature of the Thaumiel class. I will then detail observed traits, and characteristics in the POV of surveillance log. Followed by protocols of engagement and additional logs regarding staple interactions within The Foundation regarding this SCP.

Elevator Pitch: This article will refer to a Thaumiel class SCP which is a manifestation of primordial pre-existential chaos, sometimes referred to as Khaos, the void, or nothingness. Manifesting primarily within its housed unit as a giant fanged mouth typically on a wall or other flat face, with an empty infinite void visible when the mouth is open. Being capable of moving its manifestations along the surface of a possessed face, and duplicating or changing the appearance of manifestations at will. It is a concept influenced in development and inspired by Nihilism and Existentialism. As well as my wish to explore and educate others about the theological, and fictional concept of a pre-existential war between primordial entities. With emphasis and focus on the entity known as Khaos.

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Central Narrative: The central narrative of this article will follow engagements, and associations the SCP has within The Foundation. Primarily with D-class, other foundation faculty, or other SCPs for the use and conduct in the use of its properties as a way to mitigate containment breaches. Or for any other purposes it’s capacity may carry to benefit The Foundation. Records of interaction regarding engagement or association will be in the form of logs. This entity will provide The Foundation the use of its anomalous or supernatural capabilities for the provision of limited resources within reason on request. Examples of the most common resources requested include access to D-Class personnel, material resources, or engagement time with another SCP. This SCPs anomalous properties befit being a manifestation of nothingness and include variable access to certain abilities that are associated with it’s pre-existential being. Such as existential erasure, manipulation of materials it chooses to manifest in, on, or around, and the ability to duplicate and alter the appearance and behavior of its manifestation at will. The nature of its manifestation itself being like that of a face pressed into fabric, viewed from the opposite side the face is pressed into. Khaos will state when or if asked by a third party that it came up with the idea for this manifestation after its first alleged infiltrations into creation. This being after the great pre-existential war that took place between it, The Author (God), and The Blind Idiot God (Azathoth). When asked about the occurrence of the great pre-existential war, Khaos can be asked to recall occurrences from it. Khaos will also attest that the war ended with The Author and itself choosing to coexist being unable to kill one another, and them then putting “The Blind Idiot God” to rest. Being that the latter continued to pose a threat to The Authors creation. After which Khaos self alleges that it agreed to spare The Authors creation, for the purpose of learning creations nature. When asked about the reasonings it had for wanting to learn about creations nature, this SCP will attest that it is ignorant to creations nature, as it itself was not created but always “is”. Moreover that as it is the construct of the void itself it lacks an understanding of what it is “to be”. Wishing to further understand the implications of existence within creation so that it may understand the nature of The Author the “creator” in association. In doing so hopefully learning to remove itself from the influence of its primordial sibling. That being this SCPs self ascribed larger motivation for association with The Foundation.

Hook / Attention Getter: What if nothing could want something? What would it do to obtain it?

As a courtesy to our readers on mobile devices, please collapse long posts. ~Zyn

Last edited on 13 Jun 2022 14:27 by KhaosConsort Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

Mr Maryot 07 Jun 2022 12:14

WOW! This is probably one of the best ideas and storys of an SCP i ever heard. Your story is amazing and i think it's perfect, you dont need to change anything. I don't see what to not like about your SCP cause it's really goodly explained. Love your SCP hope others will like it too ❤️

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 07 Jun 2022 12:18

:’D thanks for such nice input 👉👈

Operational Staff Post - Info - Open

Hexick 07 Jun 2022 14:09

Mr Maryot, please mind the site's Criticism Policy. Feedback in the forums should be relatively in-depth, and specific to the material at hand rather than a generic response that could apply to multiple threads.

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Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

Zyn 09 Jun 2022 06:35

Received a PM request, noted that my review would be negative, was asked to give critique all the same. Here we go:

Admittedly, I'm almost immediately skeptical about the premise when I read the page layout. Why are the anomaly's appearance and anomalous properties to be listed last in the description? How is the reader supposed to visualize the anomaly's history if they don't know what it actually is or does until the end?

This hesitation follows as I read the Elevator Pitch, which doesn't actually tell me what the anomaly is or does. The closest physical description I can discern is "an SCP entity that embodies […] primordial pre-existential nothingness", but that doesn't really tell me much about the anomaly in-universe. How will this be made interesting (or at least approachable) to readers who have no familiarity with Nihilism and Existentialism?

The majority of the central narrative section doesn't have any story content, and the story that is present seems beyond the in-universe Foundation's ability to determine via empirical observation (How would researchers be able to figure out "With God remaining, Azathoth being “put to sleep”, and Khaos confusingly sparing creation after being pleaded with by God." without just being told that's the case?). I'm also kind of skeptical about the entity siding so willingly with the Foundation, since the Foundation doesn't inherently seek to eliminate or necessarily even combat dangerous entities.

Overall… I'm kind of confused. This really doesn't seem like the premise for an SCP article, let alone a Thaumiel, because the Foundation involvement feels like a shoehorned afterthought, rather than being the primary perspective that the entity is being viewed through. The general premise overall also seems to be less about containment and interaction with an anomaly and more thoughts on a specific philosophical topic.

How much of this are you willing to change to make this more approachable to the average reader, who may not have heard of Nihilism and Existentialism (and thus begins with no interest, or possibly negative interest, in the overarching themes)? Have you considered making this a tale or a GoI format document?

Last edited on 09 Jun 2022 07:24 by Zyn Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 09 Jun 2022 08:50

Ahhhh okay thank you Zyn! You are right. I definitely wrote this Ideas and Critique way to non-specifically. I take your points. I’ll do a rewrite of my original post. I have not considered making this a tale, nor do I know what a GoI document is. I’ll go ahead and rewrite my post and maybe ask for your input again if that’s okay. Thanks for the input!

Edit: I have rewritten my SCP hopefully giving more specific clarification on what it is or how it manifests. In addition I’d like to add that your skepticism on this SCPs motivation for cooperating with the foundation is well founded. But the asset of using my SCP to help prevent breaches in containment is supposed to be enticing enough that if something more serious and threat posing was to breach containment that, even so my SCP might be worth cooperating with.

Last edited on 09 Jun 2022 09:53 by KhaosConsort Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

DrDromeus 09 Jun 2022 09:05

Have you considered The Serpent’s Hand? This concept seems right up their alley. Of course, there’s different narrative aspects you’ll have to include in that format, but I feel like the base concept could be a good fit for it.

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 09 Jun 2022 09:16

I don’t know what the Serpent’s Hand is? Are they a reviewer or like an organization within the foundation that might have interest in SCPs like mine?

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

DrDromeus 09 Jun 2022 09:29

Neither! They’re a “GoI,” or, Group of Interest, meaning that they’re another organization in the SCP Universe that deals with the anomalous. A “GoI Format” is an article written from the perspective of one of these organizations, within their own unique format. The Serpent’s Hand specifically is a loose organization that focuses around freeing the anomalous, particularly sapient ones, and is headquartered in an inter-dimensional library from which you can find any piece of knowledge in a book (these books are the format for this GoI).

I only mention them because their format allows for a lot more of a mythological storytelling perspective, and also would be a bit easier to introduce philosophical topics into, since the format is more literary instead of scientific.

Last edited on 09 Jun 2022 09:32 by DrDromeus Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 09 Jun 2022 09:55

Ahhhhhhh, very interesting! I’d say that then most likely my SCP might be interested more so in cooperating with the Serpents Hand. For access to these books? Rather than being a tale within one these books? I hope that response makes sense 😅

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

Zyn 12 Jun 2022 07:20

Took a look at the revision, and sorry, I'm not convinced this is workable as Thaumiel class. The in-universe Foundation has no reason to trust the entity whatsoever, given "It will not divulge its intent willingly and will deflect or mislead any attempts to discern it." Remember, you as the author know everything about the entity, but the Foundation doesn't have the luxury of that foreknowledge to justify assuming the entity will always be cooperative. Furthermore, the current presentation just kind of reduces the entity to a generic overpowered entity beyond human comprehension that conveniently goes with the Foundation's asks because the article necessitates that to exist, which can feel rather contrived. Sorry, but if this is the approach that you want to use for the article (as opposed to, as noted in the thread, making this a Serpent's Hand entry), I don't think I can help you further with this.

Last edited on 14 Jun 2022 07:09 by Zyn Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 13 Jun 2022 11:28

Okay thanks again Zyn! What I think I’ll do is go for another restructure. Unfortunate that my previous revision lead to a decay in the quality of the post overall. What I think I’ll do is take my two previous article iterations and merge them as best as I can. Hopefully providing more context and making the idea more workable.

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

DrRevan 13 Jun 2022 16:37

Hello!

Let's dive in!

So, this proposal is a bit of a mixed bag for me. I do like your interpretation of the Lovecraftian Mythos, particularly with Azathoth and God being connected deities. I also appreciate the motive for Khaos wanting to observe creation itself to understand the concept of existence. My main concerns primarily lie in the formatting and the relevant background information.

• I'll start with the formatting. As others have mentioned, this sort of concept of a primordial entity describing a cosmic war will be very difficult to present in standard article format. The articles in the Foundation's database are presented in a very clinical and impersonal tone, which wouldn't really mesh too well with the concept you're trying to create. While you could technically present it through numerous interview logs, the interactions would come off mainly as an exposition dump, as the Foundation would never really be able to verify such claims from it. Like Zyn and Dromeus have mentioned, the Serpents Hand GoI format would actually go really well for this sort of concept.

• My next concern revolves around the context/background information. While the fundamentals of Nihilism and Existentialism can be woven into a more accessible format in the story, the scale and motivations behind the events themselves (particularly this cosmic war), need to be laid out more clearly. Why was God waging war with Azathoth? Why would Khaos and God agree to collaborate if God knows Khaos is still a threat to itself and its creations? What will happen if Azathoth awakens (assuming the consequences of its arousal are different than the source material)?

Moving forward, I would focus on establishing more context behind both Azathoth and God, the war they waged, and Khaos' involvement in all of it. Once you have all the necessary context laid out, I would check out a few of the Serpents Hand articles, to understand their layout, and what you would need to alter to fit their format, if you want to use their format, that is.

Hope this helps!

Doc R

Last edited on 15 Jun 2022 01:08 by DrRevan Show more

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

KhaosConsort 15 Jun 2022 12:27

Okay having looked at some of the entries, I will consider formatting my SCP within the perimeters of a Serpents Hand entry. Although I do have several questions about how that potentially then relates my entity to the in-universe foundation. Will I still be able to write about interactions this SCP has? Or related occurrences and exchanges with it? I’m curious if the writing within the serpents hand could potentially limit the narrative Id like my SCP to follow, as it develops and I hopefully can grow to collaborate with other authors. Thank you for your input, the repeated recommendations are certainly working slowly and surely to persuade me.

(I will make an edit to this reply as I mull over the responses given to my post.)

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

DrRevan 16 Jun 2022 00:54

Hello!

You absolutely can describe interactions that the anomaly has had with others. Those interactions would most likely end up in their "Observations and Stories" and "History" sections of the format. You would have to format those interactions as having happened in the past though, as both of those sections, in universe, are comprised of collected documents and stories from both outsider resources and personal observations (personal being the in universe author of the entry).

Hope this helps!

Doc R

Re: Maw of Khaos [Seeking Green Light]

Fireknight 16 Jun 2022 20:14

+ Howdy hey, here’s what I have to say!

Fundamentally, I don’t understand what your pitch actually is. You talk about the theology of this being, you mention existentialism and nihilism, but you never spell out what events will actually happen in the article. Not just the vague wants and relationships of the being, what is the beginning, middle, and end of this story?

Like Zyn, I don’t see how this thing is thaumiel. What anomalies does it contain? How does the Foundation use it? Just getting information from it doesn’t actually qualify it for that object class.

I’m going to pose the questions in your hook back at you. What would happen if nothing could want something? What does it do to obtain it? You seem to imply that your article will make certain philosophical points, but you never actually establish what those are. If I read your article, what should I feel? What message should I come away with? While those questions don’t always need to be at the forefront of the author’s mind, you really need to answer them.