Topic: Recap Published | 2022/04/01
Recap: The previous month’s Recap is published on the 1st of the month, 7 days ahead of time. This is barely news, it happens all the time. It’ll happen again.
Topic: Fishing Team | 2022/04/01
Recap: A new team of Wiki staff is announced: The Fishing Team! This team is formed to take advantage of that fresh spring weather, hang out on the weekends, and go fishing together. What a fun time 🙂
Topic: Using SCP Wiki Profits | 2022/04/01
Summary: Site Staff reassess the SCP Wiki’s current budget, discussing how best to use its profits.
After the monthly ad-revenue payment comes in from Wikidot, site staff begin a conversation of how best to spend the meagre $32 million. While there is noted support for the continuation of the champagne and caviar fund, some staff members believe it is unfair that the Pension budget for Tech team is over double the budget for most teams. Tech team arrive to discuss this, and post a very convincing gif of a spiral. This convincing argument allows all staff members to realise that this portion of the budget is very fair.
Joe Biden, a Junior Staff member of Site News, requests $200,000 to "get involved with local government.” This amount is provided from the Petty Cash section of the budget, and the present staff members wish him well in his lofty pursuits. He is later banned after much discussion.
It is at this point in the discussion that a member of staff requests clarification on the meaning of “Money”. For the next seven hours, #staff-discussion is filled with a circular argument on the definition and morality of money. This section of the recap was deemed inscrutable, so Recap Team offer you an alternative; to recreate the feeling of these 7 hours of discussion, close your eyes and smash a keyboard with predictive text turned on. Then drink three shots of vodka and give it a read.
Members of the wiki’s UN Outreach team are asked to defend their apparent requirement of “A million dollars and as much bullshit as a company can legally buy” for an upcoming international meeting. When asked to clarify what they meant by “bullshit”, the UN Outreach team only reply “Bull Shit.”
The SCP Team joins the conversation, confused. After being informed of the homonymic miscommunication, they retreat into their cave system.
It is recognised that a significant proportion (73%) of the budget has been allocated to a target known only as “█████”. No staff members complain about this. There is no dissatisfaction. There is no site budget.
The SCP Wiki makes no profit.
Topic: Recap Finishes Ahead of Schedule | 2022/04/01
Recap: For the sixth time running, Recap Team finish their duties four weeks in advance, having finished every recap for the upcoming month. They chill out, having all put in as much effort as they could, knowing the next month will be stress-free. They are all grateful to have spent only a meagre amount of free time essentially taking minutes for a group of bureaucrats on a fiction website. Bliss.
It’s just so easy. And fun!
Topic: New Fishing Team Members | 2022/04/01
Recap: The Fishing Team is, through Admin Fiat, given the ability to induct new members of staff into the Operational Staff level. Because every member of the Fishing Team is cool, chilled-out, and laid-back, there’s no real need to vet them any more than they already are. It’s all good.
Topic: Complexity of Recaps | 2022/04/01
Summary: Staff discuss the complexity and length of recaps, which have only increased since the first edition.
Staff Member user021012390123812308 notes the rise in word count for recent Recap editions, making particular reference to the fact that the posting of one months’ recaps crashed the site. The other 1 staff member present, user021012390123812309 also notes this. For three hours, the two users discuss the issue, until discovering they agree with each other: Recaps should be longer and more complex, to ensure they cover each and every single event that happens in staff chat to an appropriate level of detail. All members of Recap appear at once and agree that, yes, recaps should be made longer and more detailed. What follows is a list of every form of agreement put forward by the Team, for completeness’ sake:
- Alright
- Fine
- Okay
- Cool
- Yes
- Please let’s
- This sounds good
- Thumbs Up Emoji
- I’m in favour
- Let’s do this
- This is necessary
- “Thumbs Up Emoji”
- Brilliant
- That’s amazing I’ll start right now
- Fantastic
- Wow! Yes!
- 👍
- Yes
The Recap Team Will Spend Longer on Every Recap, Especially The Unimportant Ones.
The resulting decision is demonstrated in the recap below.
Topic: The Name of the SCP Wiki | 2022/04/01
Summary: For the purposes of demonstrating a superordinate methodology for including particular and rising dimension of recapitulations, the recapitulation aggroup has seen appropriate to omnipresent fashion chockablock a recapitulation handwritten with the inexperienced system. Within the very recapitulation presented below, one individual belonging as personnel to SCP Wiki staff negates within their brain the very definable meaning of a term constituent “Wiki” The constituent Staff come to their assistance.
Recapitulation: Winchable, personnel extremity for the SCP Wiki sportfishing Team, requests to differentiate the distinctness of the constituent “Wiki”. They individual irrecoverable engineering merely commonwealth they are “aware that it means something like a book.”. With most serendipity, a circumscribe of personnel members are superficial astatine their phones astatine this mathematical moment. TitusAlon, extremity of Staff’s Independent Music Awards Board, responds with the expression that a wiki is an online information that is emended or curated aside a circumscribe of individuals or a community. They scarf this distinctness from google, and are banned for plagiarism. They are not a creative person. unFicton, extremity of the Wiki’s Author Team, responds, expressing that the Wiki is a “type of bird you only see in mirrors. It is flightless, it is sad. I wish it well.” Recapitulation Committee discovered this form of Wiki is native to Inexperienced Zealand. Mega-Admins threefold, Scrapap, Scrapapap, and Prapscap, completely resolution astatine the indistinguishable time, requesting that Winchable inactiveness interrogative thusly numerous questions. Winchable responds “What?”
Furthermore, multitudinous staff extremity do verily appear, and thusly discourse amongst one-another their apprehension of the constituent Wiki and engineering is remuneration that location are service connected of the personnel who continue fashionable correspondence with one another, or indeed themselves. In order to attempt resolution of this most vexing issue, wiki user Merlin, who is not permitted access to the SCP Wiki’s server but enters anyway due to some unfathomable methodology, accuses Winchable as dispatcher of arguments, damning them to that which below our Earth’s incrustation lies.
Winchable no longer exists, neither on the Staff Team, nor creation.
Topic: Tramelling | 2022/04/01
Summary: It begins.
Recap: Moderator HatcherF notes that it has been just over 245 years since The Summoning. AdCap take this into consideration, and announce another Tramelling Ritual. A vote is taken by all staff, and by an 83% majority it is decided that the concept of SCP continues to be fictional. A collective sigh of relief is taken by all. Even You.
See you in another 245 years, Mopalaveli.
Topic: Lightbulb Discussion. | 2022/04/01
Recap: A member of the Wiki’s Philosophy Team, asks how many staff members it takes to screw in a lightbulb.
The ensuing discussion took 823 hours to reach a conclusion and its recap is still being written.
Topic: Fishing Expertise | 2022/04/01
Recap: The Fishing Team creates a new Staff Role, equivalent to Moderator: Fishing Expert. These members have been noted to be exceptionally good at Fishing and all relevant duties, such as Preparing Bate and Reeling. There is very little cause for concern, everyone in Fishing Team is rigorously vetted and trained, they all know exactly what they’re doing. So far no one has been hurt by any of the lures; they’re all very careful.
Topic: LadyKatie’s Wildlife Report | 2022/04/01
Summary: LadyKatie shares with us a most interesting observation.
As ever, LadyKatie returns to discuss nature with ever-eager reporter HarryBlank, who managed to capture Katie’s entire statement word-for-word:
Today, I saw a jackalope, and as much as I love jackalopes, they're not a native species. You're supposed to be finding them in the grasslands of the west, not the temperate/dedciduous forests of the east coast. In the 80s and 90s, enough people got it into their heads that jackalopes would be good pets because they're adorable, not realizing or caring that jackalopes need far more running space than most could provide. Fortunately they are similar enough to the native rabbit species to not cause too much damage to the plants, but they are a threat to the smaller native predators due to their antelope-like antlers. Obviously bears and bobcats don't have too much trouble, if any at all, with the small antlers, but they can really do some damage to foxes. Now we do have coyotes, which are natural predators of the jackalope (and are also a nonnative species), but really the most efficient predator of the jackalope is the chupecabra (and please for the love of all that is good and holy, do not introduce the chupecabra just to handle the jackalope population. If the enviromental impact isn't enough for you, think of the fines and jailtime that you'll get from the state Fish and Wildlife department.)
Harry remarks "wow. At least it wasn't dire rabbits," to which Katie replies "don't be ridiculous, dire rabbits aren't real."
Topic: Advisors to Admin Team | 2022/04/01
Recap: Fishing requires patience, it requires one to know when to strike. These are valuable skills. The Fishing Team now offers advice directly to the Admin Team. They have already proved very helpful: their suggestions are improving the site’s popularity. They are inducted into the Staff Hierarchy, and added to the Site Charter without any fuss.
Topic: Wikidot Feature | 2022/04/01
Summary: Tech staffer RageMPL hurries into chat with a shocking discovery.
Recap: While investigating Wikidot’s documentation, a member of the Tech Team, RageMPL, discovers a note explaining how to use wikidot to perform alchemy. She attaches a video of herself performing the process. She transmutes that most base of metals, lead, to that which holds a place above all else in the eyes of a ruler: Gold. At the same time, HandSmer notes that a user needs help in the forum. Staff argue about how best to phrase the sentence “This is a common issue with Wikidot, we can’t do anything to fix it. Sorry.” After this point, everyone is far too tired to do anything about that alchemy business, so they all just agree that it’s outside of staff purview. Whatever.
We’re a fiction website, not a magic website.
Topic: New Admins | 2022/04/01
Recap: The Admin Team welcomes twelve New Members, all sourced from the most wise and effective Fishing Team. Their judgement will be a balm to the community. Smile. They will provide.
Topic: Reiteration | 2022/04/01
Recap: OverDabble, a member of MAST, joins a discussion about the Wiki’s rules. OverDabble is slightly late, and does not read the previous messages for context. To ensure the user is properly involved in the conversation, everyone present takes a minute out, then re-starts the discussion from the top. This happens a couple more times, and each time the topic shifts slightly. By the end, staff have agreed on the matter of what defines a lizard.
Recap Team has no idea what was originally being discussed. It wasn’t important, probably.
Topic: Deviation from Plans | 2022/04/
Recap: NiuNiu, a member of the SCP Wiki Recap Team, pops in to notify all staff present in the #staff-questions channel that the discussion they’re having – a short Q&A about what it really means to be Staff – is not following its prescribed course. This is considered a social faux-pas. To rectify, a number of staff members are eliminated and some thought-prompts are provided for the remaining few. The discussion re-aligns with The Narrative.
All is well.
Topic: We Live | 2022/04/01
Recap: AliumGuar170, emissary from the Fishing Team, grants we who remain with the knowledge that the Fishing Team has again granted us permission to breathe. And so we push on. They are so kind.
