EDIT: +1 after reading the updated version. The memetic effect is now much more obvious, and now the insertion is more clearly anomalous than previous versions
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This is the discussion related to the wiki page SCP-6680.
Thank you for the advice. To make it clear, the anomaly is that the group self-inserts by an unknown mechanism into textbooks that when viewed makes the viewer take on the extremist views of the group.
I'll admit that wasn't made as clear as it could be and I'll make some additions to that effect.
Ah, I can see where you were angling for that idea now. The "anomalously self inserts into books" aspect is hard to really catch in there as is, because it's so easy to simply say "Well a dude that's indoctrinated into the cult happened to be running the presses Tuesday, and that's where that came from".
It works for the Book of the Daeva because it's possible to observe the book changing in real time when blood is spilled on it, and further possible to verify the archaeological changes through comparison of existing records vs what appears afterwards. Here, you have to somehow eliminate the aforementioned Tuesday dude in order to get across the anomalous insertion. Perhaps having the offending pages removed and destroyed, but reappearing shortly afterwards?
As for the memetic component, I notice I missed the statement in the text about that in my initial readthrough, which was my mistake, and I apologize for that.
I like the core anomaly and story here. There's a few things which made me really hesitate over upvoting though. My primary reasons regard the Addendum:
1)
Lastly, she instructed them to find and dose bottles of liquor in their parents’ homes with rat poison that she provided.
The Foundation became aware of this incident after 18 students had followed Walters’ instructions resulting in the deaths of 34 people.
By stating this upright, you spoil what would otherwise be a really strong ending highlighting the dangers of the group. Kids poisoning their parents is some dark stuff, and would be a good stinger for the reader to leave on. Instead, we go through the addendum not really having any new information revealed to us, it more recaps what we know so far.
2) The interview is, to begin with, quite straight forward. Walters' answers to Fox's first two questions don't give her much characterisation, it's more a recitation of what's already stated about PiP. I do however really like how she refuses to directly answer Fox's question on the homework assignment. It gives a sense of an internal moral battle — she's almost justifying to herself why she did what she did. I could have done with seeing her character a bit earlier on in the interview.
3) Having Walters placed back into Boston doesn't strike me as the wisest move. Cities aren't as big as they seem, and I feel she'd eventually cross paths with someone from her prior life.
4) Moving on from the addendum, I understood the core anomaly as you've outlined it in your comment above. However, the way the "Known History" section is worded currently frames it as actual events which happened. I think a sentence explaining that this is the purported history according to the discovered textbook instances would clarify this. You could even frame each paragraph as being extracted verbatim from said textbooks, if you wanted.
Thank you for your critique, I really appreciate it.
1. That is a good point and I will make an edit to reflect that so that there is a build up to that reveal.
2. I wanted to start the interview with a benign tone to show the banal attitude she has toward her situation, of which she is well aware. I didn't want her to come off immediately as, "oh yes, people who drink are evil and should die," but I appreciate your view.
3. My idea was that no one would know that she was culpable for the poisonings and that moving her to a different school would suffice. I'll add a note to the effect that the students were also amnesticized to erase any link she would have to the deaths.
4. I will reframe the history section to better highlight that it is a report based on the collection of the affected books.
Cheers!
Based on the recovered textbooks containing information regarding SCP-XXXX, the following is an outline of the apocryphal organization's origin and history.
That SCP-XXXX isn't supposed to be there right?
Nope! Thanks for the catch :)
/forum/t-14575803/scp-6680#post-
page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
