#111
I'm upvoting this one because overall, the emotional and character arc between 6738 and the Foundation was surprisingly thought-out, developed, and well-written. The dialogue between the various agents and our bird is… definitely wooden, in parts. I think it happens more near the end than the beginning — and the email exchange near the end definitely feels like "this is not how people talk", but I digress. While some of the dialogue logs were wooden, overall I felt that it wasn't a big enough deal to really detract from my enjoyment of how you build 6738's character and personality over so many appearances over time. The Wilson tie-in is good, the Reintegration appearance is good — and the ending was surprisingly emotional, so well-done on that front.
But, a thing I've noticed with this team is a serious issue with length and pacing sag, especially in the middle section of articles. This article is no exception — while pretty much all of it is a well-written component, as a whole I think that it's like… at least two addenda bigger than it needs to be. You easily could've dropped two, maybe three logs to distribute the important points into the others, then justify why only those 4 encounters were recorded. As it is, the logs near the middle end up feeling tired and repetitive since we haven't hit a climax yet. Be more willing to cut stuff. Kill your darlings.
Still, overall very well done character piece.
