My Best Friend Does Not Exist / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page My Best Friend Does Not Exist.

My Best Friend Does Not Exist!?

oniricshogunsoldier 20 Feb 2022 04:26

This story is a small declaration of love to all the programs that have accompanied me since I was little. To all those internet forums talking about cryptozoology, aliens and ghosts. Thank you very much for creating a little researcher in me, and in all of us.

Thanks to nihonio for the department logo, it is beautiful.

Thanks to XenOGax for the final illustration of Nessie.

Thanks to Dc_Yerko for the coding.

And finally, thanks to my team for joining me during the writing of this.

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-El Soldado Onírico.

Deadcanons 25 Feb 2022 03:01

This is really cute, and I really like it - both in terms of concept and content - but I'm afraid I can't give it an upvote at present. There's run-on sentences, missing punctuation, places where the wrong word is being used (e.g. "approving" instead of "proving"), and logic inconsistencies in the way the two characters behave (why does Jenivett say "shit" if she's concerned about looking professional in front of Ivan, why does Ivan spend so long looking at cryptids when he starts by saying he wants to save time, etc.). For me, the strongest part of this article was the illustration. I actually read it because of the illustration, and the content did not meet the expectations that the illustration gave me.

It's a no-vote for me at present, but feel free to reach out if you rewrite it at all. I would be happy to take another look.

oniricshogunsoldier 25 Feb 2022 14:37

Thanks for taking the time to read and leave a comment, I really appreciate it!

Responding to one of your points, I think that most of the errors in writing such as punctuation or incorrect uses of words according to the context are due to the translation of the article.

You see, English is not my native language, nor is anyone on my team's. In this case, I wrote in Spanish and then translated it into English mainly to be able to express myself better, but I'm afraid some things got lost in the translation.

On the other hand, I really appreciate the offer to fix the article, I'm going to wait for the depcon to finish so I can modify the story.

Thank you very much again, any other comment I will take into account for future writings, I hope you have enjoyed this and I'm sorry that the best part of the article was the illustration.

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-El Soldado Onírico.

Petrograd 10 Mar 2022 16:33

No-voting as well. The dialog doesn't feel natural. There's too much going on in terms of… i guess I'd call it second-level dialog?… the characters commenting on the conversation or their interactions, much more than would scan in a real back and forth. For example, it kinda feels like they're each dissecting the last person's statement and responding to every part rather than just talking, and this keeps going back and forth. It's awkward, much more awkward than every the tense situation you're showing. Try saying your dialog out depicting., preferably with another person, and maybe you'll see what I mean.

Similarly, there's an excessive amount of the characters explaining their emotions and interest. For example, there are much better and faster ways to show us that the director is interested than him just constantly saying that he's interested. For another example, there's way too much depth and self-explanation about not knowing the numbers.

oniricshogunsoldier 10 Mar 2022 23:16

Thanks for the feedback! I'll keep it in mind in case of a rewrite or for future articles.

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-El Soldado Onírico.

Maxyfran73 22 Mar 2022 05:20

Ok, this one's a comfy piece, I like it. I dunno, but the way the researcher reacts here is such a nice way to look at things, and the concept of the department itself is really good; I like it. It could use a revision, yes, for the writing itself is a tad wonky, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the piece.

+1~

oniricshogunsoldier 24 Mar 2022 19:28

thank you so much i needed to read that ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

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-El Soldado Onírico.