The Tears of the Angel Israfil / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Tears of the Angel Israfil.

Amelia Wright 15 Feb 2022 04:07

Starting work on what is hopefully to be a minor canon.

Attributions: The background image is an engraving by Gustave Dóre. It is in the public domain. The first quote is from Dante's Divine Comedy, from the first Canto.

The second Quote comes directly from Composer Lou Harrison, whome this tale is named after. Harrison wrote the same qoute in his program notes for his Second Symphony.

Last edited on 03 Mar 2022 08:46 by Amelia Wright Show more

+1, with a caveat

Rhys Tanner 16 Feb 2022 03:34

Love the theme, and the prose as well. It brings across a sense of grandiosity that feels like it should get tiresome, but stops just short of becoming pretentious. A couple of sentences were difficult for me to parse, which I think has more to do with a criticism I get into below:

I noticed a lot of small grammar and spelling errors throughout the piece. One in nearly every paragraph, in fact, and sometimes more. They're totally understandable mistakes, but there are a ton of them, and they started distracting me as I read. They're the only thing really dragging this down for me, though.

I like it. With a second pass on the editing, I bet I'd love it.

Re: +1, with a caveat

Amelia Wright 16 Feb 2022 04:06

Hi! I really appreciate the kind words. I did a bit more editing and cleaned up the ending so that it flows better, and is not so cluttered. Periods go a long way I also cleaned a lot of the simple mistakes.

Truth be told, I spent a while on this, and at the end I wanted to be done and to post it. Thanks for catching the errors!

Kicking myself for not noticing simple things, like inflamed, not enflamed.

Last edited on 16 Feb 2022 04:21 by Amelia Wright Show more

Re: +1, with a caveat

Rhys Tanner 16 Feb 2022 06:28

No worries lol, I spent all of yesterday cleaning up my tale too, and I have a few years of writing experience. I can't wait to see what else you guys have planned!